Any advice would be appreciated...

maddie67
maddie67 Posts: 91
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�� thanks everyone who replied, yes I’m a grown up and have taken your advice on board.

I’ve deleted my original text as I really do love my job, and don’t wish to appear that I’m all about discrimination and pay divides as that’s not what this was about .
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  • ReadingTim
    ReadingTim Posts: 3,970
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    Learning to use paragraphs would be my advice.
  • bugslet
    bugslet Posts: 6,874 Forumite
    It would be really helpful to have some paragraphs. It's really difficult to read in that way.

    Is this about you or some other person?

    Just some random points, what is in her/your contract about overtime? If it isn't in there that you have to do it, don't worry about it.

    Holidays, how the work gets done when you/her are not there, is not your/her problem, that's the point of management. Book the holidays in the usual way and let management deal with how the workload is dealt with.

    On the subject of workload, if you/she can't do it, which since it's more than one person's job, it can't be done, then again that is for management to deal with. I'm all for helping out when things go wrong, but it's a short term fix, a week or so, not lurching from one problem to another.

    You/her are basically being a doormat - sorry, but if you allow yourself to be walked over, then that is what they do.

    There is nothing to stop you joining a union.

    Woman up!
  • sangie595
    sangie595 Posts: 6,092 Forumite
    I am assuming this is you?

    The senior lady is a doormat. The employer had done nothing wrong in law, and she has let all this happen.

    The employers problems - month ends, year ends, lots of work - are their problems. If she wants to never take leave or work lots of hours unpaid, then that's absolutely fine. If she doesn't she needs to start saying no to extra work, start saying no to extra hours, and tell her manager that she has three months to take four weeks leave so she'll be taking it on the following dates unless they'd like to discuss other dates (the employer can tell her when she must take it but not that she can't take it at all).

    You weren't really expecting a different answer, were you?
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    sangie595 wrote: »
    I am assuming this is you?

    The senior lady is a doormat. The employer had done nothing wrong in law, and she has let all this happen.

    The employers problems - month ends, year ends, lots of work - are their problems. If she wants to never take leave or work lots of hours unpaid, then that's absolutely fine. If she doesn't she needs to start saying no to extra work, start saying no to extra hours, and tell her manager that she has three months to take four weeks leave so she'll be taking it on the following dates unless they'd like to discuss other dates (the employer can tell her when she must take it but not that she can't take it at all).

    You weren't really expecting a different answer, were you?



    I suspect the OP was hoping to hear how discriminated she was, how sexist this male dominated place is and that she should take them to court and win £100,000....
  • sangie595
    sangie595 Posts: 6,092 Forumite
    Comms69 wrote: »
    I suspect the OP was hoping to hear how discriminated she was, how sexist this male dominated place is and that she should take them to court and win £100,000....
    To be fair, I didn't read it like that. I read it as the description of being "male-dominated" as being a suggested good reason for being a female doormat. A sort of "I'm not as strong or confident as men, I'm surrounded by them, and I don't know what to do to stand up for myself". It's easy for some women to see such excuses as explaining why they are doormat. Happens in lots of scenarios, not just employment. I have a friend whose husband is the very definition of loser, but she can't leave him because she couldn't manage financially or with the children if she was on her own - despite the fact that she pays more of the bills, manages everything in the house and the children already, and would be financially better off without him!

    I don't really understand it fully, because I have no doormat capacity, I never have had, and the only doormats around here are coir. But I see it very often.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    sangie595 wrote: »
    To be fair, I didn't read it like that. I read it as the description of being "male-dominated" as being a suggested good reason for being a female doormat. A sort of "I'm not as strong or confident as men, I'm surrounded by them, and I don't know what to do to stand up for myself". It's easy for some women to see such excuses as explaining why they are doormat. Happens in lots of scenarios, not just employment. I have a friend whose husband is the very definition of loser, but she can't leave him because she couldn't manage financially or with the children if she was on her own - despite the fact that she pays more of the bills, manages everything in the house and the children already, and would be financially better off without him!

    I don't really understand it fully, because I have no doormat capacity, I never have had, and the only doormats around here are coir. But I see it very often.
    Fair enough, it was just the reference to being paid as much as a man; so the company 'cost' her £100, which I thought punctuated it.
  • After reading the post the 'woman in a male dominated environment' bit actually has no relevance to the story.

    I worked with someone who, whenever someone disliked her or complained she hadn't actually done the work she was paid to do, claimed they were a misogynist.

    "What's the IT help desk number?"

    "What's the magic word?"

    "Urgh. Just another example of the patriarchy in motion"
  • ReadingTim
    ReadingTim Posts: 3,970
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    You're being "discriminated against" because you're a doormat, not because you're a women.

    Doormats can be of either sex, and a man in that situation who acted in the same way is likely to be on the receiving end of the same treatment.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    maddie67 wrote: »
    OMG those comments! I can understand you thinking that I was mentioning 'male dominated' because I was feeling discriminated against etc, but that wasnt it, that couldnt be further from the truth, believe me!

    I havent explained it very well, but I was stating that fact because its a very difficult enviroment to work in if you are of a sensitive disposition as nobody cares what they say and dont make allowances for anyone, male or female. Im treated as 'one of the lads' 90% of the time, and when it comes to standing up for myself is when the other 10% comes in.

    It is, sadly, a fact that my boss did actually say to me that I couldnt be promoted on the part time salary rate because it would mean that I would be earning more than a role carried out by male employees, so its not me jumping on the male/female pay divide bandwagon. I dont care who earns what so long as I get a fair salary for what I do but I do think its wrong that he actually gave that as a reason for not paying me the rate I was worth before I was made full time.

    Yes, I could stop doing the overtime, I could take my holidays (actually, I probably couldnt in all honesty) but the work will still be here when I get back, there is nobody else who can do my job.

    But I do have to thank you, much as I was miffed at being called a Doormat, I have to admit to myself that yes, I am. Writing my post, reading your replies has help me realise it and I just need to figure out what I need to do to change things.



    Well your options are to stay or leave. If you stay you need changes to be made.


    Speak with your manager, if he refuses start looking elsewhere
  • TheGardener
    TheGardener Posts: 3,303
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    edited 11 October 2018 at 6:31PM
    Sorry then ��…..
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