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  • FIRST POST
    • SHAKERMAKER
    • By SHAKERMAKER 24th May 19, 6:16 PM
    • 82Posts
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    SHAKERMAKER
    Managing our finances - husband and wife
    • #1
    • 24th May 19, 6:16 PM
    Managing our finances - husband and wife 24th May 19 at 6:16 PM
    Hoping for some input here.

    Husband and I are overhauling our finances. We just aren't sure of the best way of managing our incomings and outgoings.

    We currently have 2 joint accounts: my wages paid into one account (just over 1k), and his paid into the other (2.5k-2.9k) monthly.
    My wages pay for food and fuel.
    Everything else is from his wage.

    We want to have 'separate' money. We can't buy each other presents (Christmas or Birthday) without knowing how much it cost and where from as it shows on the statements. We have no independence financially.

    How do other couples manage it where two people have different earnings but want to contribute towards the home etc?

    Thank you!
Page 2
    • Terry Towelling
    • By Terry Towelling 26th May 19, 12:48 PM
    • 1,491 Posts
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    Terry Towelling
    I'll just never get this way of thinking and managing a marriage.

    Your money is hers and hers is yours - that's what you agree to in a marriage contract.

    I can't help thinking people who need separate accounts feel they have something to hide, or are otherwise embarrassed by what they spend their "fun" money on. Or worse, there's a trust issue at the centre of the relationship.
    Originally posted by robatwork
    You need to change the way you think, then. Separate individual accounts doesn't mean 'no trust' (it might do, but it doesn't always follow) it just means that's the way some people do it.

    The key is indeed the relationship; do you trust each other or do you feel the need to conceal things. Before dementia, trust in our marriage was never questioned and nothing was concealed but we held separate accounts and a joint one for all joint expenditure. What was left in our own accounts was not concealed in any way.

    In fact, it is probably far easier to do things that way than to pay everything into one account. If everything is in one account, there are going to have to be consultations about whether there is enough available for me to blow some on my gambling, drugs and porn addictions and still cover the bills.
    • poshrule_uk
    • By poshrule_uk 26th May 19, 6:35 PM
    • 34 Posts
    • 17 Thanks
    poshrule_uk
    Me and my wife have seperate accounts, we transfer money into a joint account to cover bills and what is left is our own. (she pays in a little extra as she earns more but as I have caught her up a bit I have increased my amount and brought hers down) We also sperately put money into the holiday accoumt, cat account etc but we also know what each other buys as just because we have seperate accounts we are not conducting our lifes in secret! I don't think its fair when I buy my season ticket she should be funding that as its not her thing but at the end of the day different things work for different folks.
    • Zero Sum
    • By Zero Sum 26th May 19, 11:33 PM
    • 968 Posts
    • 750 Thanks
    Zero Sum
    What if one side is hopeless at housework and has previous for slovenly behaviour? And the other keeps the house in tip-top condition. Would you suggest separate houses....or that they work together on each other's problems?
    Originally posted by robatwork
    Exactly work together. So the one who is good at managing finances looks after the financial side of affairs.

    There also an element of tough love. I dont see which I should become jointly responsible for a boat load of debt which originates from prior to meeting each other. You do need to take responsibility for your own actions.
    • Zero Sum
    • By Zero Sum 26th May 19, 11:41 PM
    • 968 Posts
    • 750 Thanks
    Zero Sum
    I'll just never get this way of thinking and managing a marriage.

    Your money is hers and hers is yours - that's what you agree to in a marriage contract.

    I can't help thinking people who need separate accounts feel they have something to hide, or are otherwise embarrassed by what they spend their "fun" money on. Or worse, there's a trust issue at the centre of the relationship.
    Originally posted by robatwork
    Also, what do you do about gifts?
    Happy birthday, heres a prezzie that you've just bought yourself.

    People are still individuals & need a certain level of independance.
    Its like these couples who've never had a night away from each other in 30 years & view it as something which should be celebrated. When in reality its the complete opposite.
    • Rich1976
    • By Rich1976 27th May 19, 6:23 AM
    • 183 Posts
    • 77 Thanks
    Rich1976
    I find having a joint current account and joint savings ( as well as our own individual current account ) works for us generally.

    We have shared financial goals such as holidays , house repairs etc and therefore makes sense to have a joint account for that purpose

    We did use to only have one joint current account , separate individual accounts and separate savings accounts but we were finding that because there was a fairly big variation in the 2 salaries, one of us was able to save more than the other or one of us wouldnt have as much left over each month and therefore by the time we were thinking about holidays or something in the house had to be replaced, the person on the lower salary hadn't saved up enough. This was despite the money going into the joint current account was evenly proportioned based on percentages.

    So now on my spreadsheet I have one overall income and all the Bill's, standing orders regardless of which one of us they're for such as gym membership all gets deducted from the total income and whatever is left ( total income less total expenditure ) is our personal spending money.

    It works for us as I have been unable to find any other fairer way of splitting the finances.
    Last edited by Rich1976; 27-05-2019 at 6:26 AM.
    • sal1960
    • By sal1960 27th May 19, 6:38 AM
    • 24 Posts
    • 67 Thanks
    sal1960
    Weve always had a joint account with everything going in there. Sometimes Mr Sal was earning more sometimes I was especially when kids were little and I stayed at home for a few years with just a bit of part time work as and when - were both about the same now on pensions - we see it as team money. We have a little cash spending money to buy gifts and fritter generally. Always worked for us !
    • Sea Shell
    • By Sea Shell 27th May 19, 7:00 AM
    • 1,971 Posts
    • 3,359 Thanks
    Sea Shell
    If you can work together as a team, and are on the same page financially, and are working towards common goals, it probably doesn't matter what day to day accounts you hold, in whose name.

    Whether that be paying of the mortgage, paying down debt, saving for that next big holiday or new car, or planning your retirement.

    Personally, I think these thing are done better, when everything is "in the pot" rather than "mine & yours", but that's just my opinion.

    However, if you're not on the same page financially, and especially if your earnings are unequal, for whatever reason, then having "mine & yours" money can become divisive, and you might not be making the most effective use of your money and/or allowances.

    Example, if one of you ends up with a large pension pot, and the other a very small one, rather than have contributed into both from a central pot, then one may end up being a taxpayer in retirement, and the other not, rather than being able to BOTH not be taxpayers.

    Similar with ISA limits, one may have more than 20,000 to save/invest, but is maxed out. We've got our ISA's balanced equally, regardless of who EARNED the money.
    " That pound I saved yesterday, is a pound I don't have to earn tomorrow " JOB DONE!!
    This should now read "It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts"!!!
    • robatwork
    • By robatwork 27th May 19, 12:50 PM
    • 5,178 Posts
    • 5,979 Thanks
    robatwork
    Exactly work together. So the one who is good at managing finances looks after the financial side of affairs.
    Originally posted by Zero Sum
    But that's the equivalent of you just doing all the cleaning. My point is that you pool your (cleaning) resources and you help your partner learn how to clean. Together.

    Also, what do you do about gifts?
    Happy birthday, heres a prezzie that you've just bought yourself.
    Originally posted by Zero Sum
    Gifts are lovely but grand gestures are necessary in a marriage. So just buy what you want with cash or paypal. Sure your partner can perhaps see how much you've spent but so what?

    Or is your issue that when bought from a joint account, your partner has in effect funded her own present? To which I say it really is the thought that counts, and being married kinda obviates the need for "generous" gestures to do with money. There are plenty of other generous things you can do that show far more how you feel than spending money.
    • robatwork
    • By robatwork 27th May 19, 12:54 PM
    • 5,178 Posts
    • 5,979 Thanks
    robatwork
    However, if you're not on the same page financially, and especially if your earnings are unequal, for whatever reason, then having "mine & yours" money can become divisive, and you might not be making the most effective use
    Originally posted by Sea Shell
    Not disagreeing with you here. Surely the point of marriage is sharing everything, and if you aren't ready to share your finances then you aren't ready for marriage. Perhaps cohabitation would suit better.

    I realise I am probably old fashioned in this view, but I really wonder if people thinking about marriage really discuss money properly before taking the plunge. It's a big plunge.
    • Zero Sum
    • By Zero Sum 27th May 19, 2:08 PM
    • 968 Posts
    • 750 Thanks
    Zero Sum
    Not disagreeing with you here. Surely the point of marriage is sharing everything, and if you aren't ready to share your finances then you aren't ready for marriage. Perhaps cohabitation would suit better.

    I realise I am probably old fashioned in this view, but I really wonder if people thinking about marriage really discuss money properly before taking the plunge. It's a big plunge.
    Originally posted by robatwork
    I have a friend who had your approach which ultimately was the main cause for their break up as she used to just spend spend spend money they didnt have.
    • Zero Sum
    • By Zero Sum 27th May 19, 2:12 PM
    • 968 Posts
    • 750 Thanks
    Zero Sum
    But that's the equivalent of you just doing all the cleaning. My point is that you pool your (cleaning) resources and you help your partner learn how to clean. Together.



    Gifts are lovely but grand gestures are necessary in a marriage. So just buy what you want with cash or paypal. Sure your partner can perhaps see how much you've spent but so what?

    Or is your issue that when bought from a joint account, your partner has in effect funded her own present? To which I say it really is the thought that counts, and being married kinda obviates the need for "generous" gestures to do with money. There are plenty of other generous things you can do that show far more how you feel than spending money.
    Originally posted by robatwork

    Whats wrong with say one doing all the cleaning and then other doing say all of cooking?

    And yes its that they have in effect funded their own present. You still need a bit of independance otherwise if you do split your going to struggle on your own
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 27th May 19, 3:17 PM
    • 8,606 Posts
    • 20,009 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Hoping for some input here.

    Husband and I are overhauling our finances. We just aren't sure of the best way of managing our incomings and outgoings.

    We currently have 2 joint accounts: my wages paid into one account (just over 1k), and his paid into the other (2.5k-2.9k) monthly.
    My wages pay for food and fuel.
    Everything else is from his wage.

    We want to have 'separate' money. We can't buy each other presents (Christmas or Birthday) without knowing how much it cost and where from as it shows on the statements. We have no independence financially.

    How do other couples manage it where two people have different earnings but want to contribute towards the home etc?

    Thank you!
    Originally posted by SHAKERMAKER
    My husband earned a lot more than me as he worked full time and after having children I worked mostly part time and even when I went full time my income was still a lot less than him. Very early on in our marriage we had a joint account and all bills and spending and pay went into this.

    As you say that meant neither of us had any personal spending money and DH was not very good at keeping within a budget so we kept the joint account with all pay going in and bills going out and paid ourselves a personal spends amount every week/month initially in cash then in later years we opened personal accounts and do standing orders for 200 each. It has varied over the years according to budget from 100 a month to 300 a month and now 200 a month. Another pension pays out next year so it will go back up to 300 a month then. We use this for buying presents for each other, clothes, haircuts, personal entertainment and hobbies. It works in that we both have our own spending money and the other does not question what we spend on and we have some privacy to buy presents for the other and DH has to keep within his 200 limit each month as no overdraft facilities.
    Early retired in December 2017

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages and Endowments, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • LesU
    • By LesU 27th May 19, 10:14 PM
    • 338 Posts
    • 163 Thanks
    LesU
    Well, maybe we are too young to be 'old-fashioned'. 40 years ago when we were first married, we decided to have 3 accounts. One each and a joint account. All outgoings were calculated and according to each of our salaries a proportion to cover outgoings was put into the joint account each month. Some years we over-calculated costs and it was a great treat to go for a meal 'on the joint'!
    This system has proved so effective that we still use it.
    Computer controlled accounting has meant that we are more accurate these days, but the concept remains as was.
    Both of us have our own finances and long may it stay that way. All the bills are guaranteed paid. If an unusual expenditure happens along, then we pay that in a shared way from our sole accounts.
    • badger09
    • By badger09 28th May 19, 11:37 AM
    • 6,915 Posts
    • 6,525 Thanks
    badger09
    .................

    When one of us retired, the differential between our incomes caused us to rethink and we then 'weighted' our contributions to a certain extent. We are now both retired and paying in equally again. Works perfectly if you are in the right relationship.
    Originally posted by Terry Towelling
    Interested to learn how you managed to retire so young

    https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=6003480&page=2

    I don't often 'track' other user's posts but have been catching up after a holiday and remembered being surprised that Terry Towelling was 'only 21'
    • badger09
    • By badger09 28th May 19, 11:54 AM
    • 6,915 Posts
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    badger09
    As usual with this sort of thread, posters have offered a variety of solutions. I'm not going to add mine in detail, but we have both separate and joint finances.

    IT WORKS FOR US and has done for almost 30 years.

    Surely, that is what matters, not what some random person on the internet asserts is the ONLY way it should happen, otherwise the relationship is faulty/not committed/deceitful etc. As in all areas of life, one size does not fit all.

    (Apologies for shouting, but I feel very strongly about this)
    • londoninvestor
    • By londoninvestor 28th May 19, 6:40 PM
    • 1,085 Posts
    • 968 Thanks
    londoninvestor
    I don't often 'track' other user's posts but have been catching up after a holiday and remembered being surprised that Terry Towelling was 'only 21'
    Originally posted by badger09
    How can that be surprising? He's been 21 for many years
    • Terry Towelling
    • By Terry Towelling 28th May 19, 7:37 PM
    • 1,491 Posts
    • 1,253 Thanks
    Terry Towelling
    Interested to learn how you managed to retire so young

    https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=6003480&page=2

    I don't often 'track' other user's posts but have been catching up after a holiday and remembered being surprised that Terry Towelling was 'only 21'
    Originally posted by badger09
    How can that be surprising? He's been 21 for many years
    Originally posted by londoninvestor
    Sorry, should have made it clear, I'm from Uranus - I certainly speak it fluently (or 'from it', some would say). One year back home is equivalent to about 84 of your earth years.

    PS Did you know there are rings around Uranus?
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