When to stop financially supporting adult kids

maman wrote: »

Oh dear. That's a very sad way of thinking.:(




It's great to read posts like yours. I did exactly the same with my DDs and was delighted to give them the opportunity to save their deposits.


I know I'd have felt differently if they were wasting money but they are financially savvy so they didn't.


Sometimes I really feel in the minority here when I post about wanting to help/treat my children. I do appreciate that some posters are desperate for money and rely on Child Benefit for part of the family income but surely not as many as it sometimes seems.

We have supported all our children through University, helped with house deposits, charged peppercorn rents when they lived at home to allow for savings, bought cars, etc, etc. We are fortunate to have been able to do this as we are comfortably off, obviously, had the situation been different then we may not have been able to be as generous.

Now, all but one who is still at University (but working in Industry for a year so actually quite well paid) have their own cars, houses and professional jobs. So we feel that they have benefitted and used wisely the money we 'invested' in their education and overall economic well-being.

Once a year we rent a villa with enough bedrooms for all, somewhere hot and offer them free accommodation, but we do expect them to pay for their own flights and contribute to food costs/meals out. Sometimes they all come, sometimes only one or two, sometimes none of them take up the offer, but when they do we enjoy our time together.

Aside from that, we do not now offer regular support to the eldest ones as they don't need it, want it or expect it.

We will still pay the accom costs for the youngest when he is back at university full time ( currently he pays his own rent/food/phone bills from his income) and also his living costs when he is at home and his mobile phone bill. However, he has saved a considerable amount from his paid year so he will have a decent deposit already should he decide to buy a property once he finishes university.

Of course, we do treat them occasionally and they get a decent sum each at Christmas and Birthdays. We are of the opinion that if you give them the tools to succeed then they should be able to be financially independent and certainly not reliant on parents for daily living expenses unless they fall on hard times through illness, job loss or marital issues.

We do have some friends though who; pay car insurances, fill cars up with petrol every time it is needed, pay for holidays including flights, accommodation and all food, inc meals out, dole out regular monetary handouts and more, for all four of their 'moved out, living independently' adult children. They have also done all that we did re University and paid for lavish weddings, given massive help with house buying costs and continued to buy them all cars even though they are all in high paying jobs. They have also paid off their student loans.

They seem happy to do it, but we think that is taking things a little too far.