When to stop financially supporting adult kids
Comments
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Tabbytabitha wrote: »Only if they have parents who don't own their own home and are in the small minorityof elderly people who ever need residential care.
My close friends' elderly parents are in residential care due to very high needs (one physically incapacitated, one with dementia) which costs nearly £10,000 per month :eek: Their modest home covered less than a year, so now friends will have to find top-up fees or the parents will be seperated and given a care package that doesn't adequately meet their needs. They may be a minority now, but my friends are now in contact with others in a similar position and that minority is growing at a fast rate.:(0 -
Tabbytabitha wrote: »Only if they have parents who don't own their own home and are in the small minorityof elderly people who ever need residential care.
But there's also a much larger majority of older people who own their own homes and have a decent occupational pension now than is likely to the case for the younger generation.0 -
I can see that you'd be in a different situation ska lover if your parents couldn't afford it and presumably siblings could help out so perhaps afford to lend but not to give. So, of course, it's 'rightly so' to pay back money that's been borrowed.
That doesn't mean that parents can't give if they are in a position to do so and want to though.
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Ahh Yes of course. Each should do what they feel is right or can afford and not feel guilty about their choices or reasons either way
From what I can see, it does seem that this current generation of twenty-somethings have a completely different time of things than their parents = for better or worse it's a whole new world out thereThe opposite of what you know...is also true0 -
My close friends' elderly parents are in residential care due to very high needs (one physically incapacitated, one with dementia) which costs nearly £10,000 per month :eek: Their modest home covered less than a year, so now friends will have to find top-up fees or the parents will be seperated and given a care package that doesn't adequately meet their needs. They may be a minority now, but my friends are now in contact with others in a similar position and that minority is growing at a fast rate.:(
I think that the numbers may be increasing as the population ages but I don't think the percentage of people needing residential care is going up.0 -
Tabbytabitha wrote: »That doesn't sound like "cutting her off" more like expecting an adult to pay her own way.
Fair enough - i think its a bit odd to tell your adult child they have to do their own grocery shopping and cook all meals separate despite living all in one rather modest 3 bed house - but maybe that's just me. meals should be about family time, not everyone cooking separately and going into hiding.
She was already paying her rent when this was done.0 -
When bailing them out prevents them taking responsibility.
When you do it as a means of control.
When you need them to be dependent on you to validate yourself.
When they don't appreciate the value of money.
When they have an attitude of entitlement.
When they keep repeating the same mistakes.
When other people you care for are negatively impacted.
When you start to resent it.
Brilliant post. Thank you.0 -
Fair enough - i think its a bit odd to tell your adult child they have to do their own grocery shopping and cook all meals separate despite living all in one rather modest 3 bed house - but maybe that's just me. meals should be about family time, not everyone cooking separately and going into hiding.
She was already paying her rent when this was done.
You didn't mention all that in your post, you just said "so making her pay additional rent, own food, and the like".0 -
Rent and food for a mid-20s who lives alone?Hi there,
Just for clarification as people are asking, we weren't talking treats as such, more like regular living costs: Rent, food .. for a mid 20 year old
Why the reason for not paying it themselves? If it's a case of suddenly losing a job, flatmate doing a midnight flit, break-up of live in gf/bf, illness meaning need to reduce hours - yes ok.
Or is it, someone that is partying constantly, booking expensive holidays, buying new clothes/make-up every week, that's a different matter.
Or is this a mid 20s still living with parent/s who are subsidising the cost of living at home.0 -
Fair enough - i think its a bit odd to tell your adult child they have to do their own grocery shopping and cook all meals separate despite living all in one rather modest 3 bed house - but maybe that's just me. meals should be about family time, not everyone cooking separately and going into hiding.
She was already paying her rent when this was done.
I'm 31 & still live at home due to illness with my Mother.
I buy nearly all my own food and cook either for myself or for both of us.
Sometimes we want different things or to eat at different times and as adults work out the best way to share space etc.
I don't find anything odd about what you posted about their arrangement. I'm not a child obliged to take part in family meals. As an adult I get to choose when and what I eat.
Maybe look at it more as adults living together rather than a parent/child dynamic especially given the age of "child".
I certainly strive for an adults living together arrangement over a parent/child relationship. Because we are two adults living together, who just happen to be family.0 -
I agree with maman.I take my children & grandchildren on holiday every year with my husband .We rent the villa and pay the airfares.It gives us enormous pleasure and its 2 weeks quality family time together,you can't take your money with you! so why not enjoy it while you can.We also help out with overpayments to their mortgages so they can be mortgage free sooner, like we did for ourselves.They have never asked us for a penny.But why would you not want to try to make life a little easier for the people you love.:)0
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