Toilet training problems

MrsSippi · 29 May 2018 at 12:50PM

First of all I apologise for posting as I'm sure there's a thousand different threads on this subject

My daughter has just turned 3 and for the last year (pretty much exactly) she has been dry and using the toilet which is great. However for whatever reason she is still not mastering doing a poo on the toilet. I know it can take a bit longer for kids to grasp this but surely a year is pushing it (and she is no further forward now than she was a year ago). She has never done a single poo on the toilet. She doesn't appear to have any fear about using the toilet so I don't think that's an issue. I did put her back in pull ups for a while as I thought it might take the pressure off her a bit but she just reverted back to not using the toilet at all. We went back to knickers, she was dry straight away but still lots of accidents with poos. If I ask her does she need a poo etc she always says no and I have also tried taking her to the loo when I go but that hasn't worked. She does SOMETIMES acknowledge when she's had an accident but not always.

I've tried putting her on the loo throughout the day which hasn't worked and she doesn't seem to go at particular times so I can't judge it around that. I've asked the health visitor for advice but they couldn't really help (all information given was based around getting her dry) and even tried the GP in case there was something medical going on but apparently they only investigate if there are bladder problems, not bowel.

Has anyone got any suggestions? I've never got cross with her as I know it's not her fault but I am starting to find it massively stressful.

rach_k · 29 May 2018 at 9:00PM

Have you tried asking her to clean up after an accident? At three, she can have a good go (make it easy - wipes on standby, a wetbag/nappy bucket handy for dirty underwear etc and then be prepared to clean up after her, and possibly have to deal with more mess than if you'd just done it yourself!). After the first few goes when the novelty of helping mum has worn off, you may find she suddenly realises she can use the toilet for poos as she'll get fed up. Worth a go anyway. I never shouted at mine for toilet accidents but we did a natural consequences approach to things - if you make a mess you are capable of avoiding, you clean it up yourself.

fabforty · 30 May 2018 at 9:05AM

Is it possible that she simply doesn't have the awareness yet that she needs to poo? If she has been dry since she her second birthday, that's still quite young - even though she mastered it quickly. Until they recognise the feeling for what it is, they won't train properly. It's a different sensation and she might not recognise it yet.

My DS trained late - he was 3.5 years old before it happened - he wasn't ready before that, he no awareness of needing to go. I tried putting him on the toilet at regular intervals, or after eating drinking, in the hope of catching him at the right time, but as his HV pointed out, that isn't toilet training. Thankfully when he suddenly developed the awareness, (recognising what he felt for both urinating and bowel movements), he was dry and clean and in 2 days.

Good luck, I know how difficult and frustrating it can be x

MrsSippi · 30 May 2018 at 12:03PM

rach_k wrote: »

Have you tried asking her to clean up after an accident? At three, she can have a good go (make it easy - wipes on standby, a wetbag/nappy bucket handy for dirty underwear etc and then be prepared to clean up after her, and possibly have to deal with more mess than if you'd just done it yourself!). After the first few goes when the novelty of helping mum has worn off, you may find she suddenly realises she can use the toilet for poos as she'll get fed up. Worth a go anyway. I never shouted at mine for toilet accidents but we did a natural consequences approach to things - if you make a mess you are capable of avoiding, you clean it up yourself.

Thank you for your reply. I might give this a go as I think I've exhausted everything I can think of. I find it hard also because I genuinely can't tell if she's doing it on purpose or if she is just not recognising the need to go. I've tried ignoring it by just cleaning her up but not saying anything in case it was an attention thing but thst didn't make any difference.

MrsSippi · 30 May 2018 at 12:07PM

fabforty wrote: »

Is it possible that she simply doesn't have the awareness yet that she needs to poo? If she has been dry since she her second birthday, that's still quite young - even though she mastered it quickly. Until they recognise the feeling for what it is, they won't train properly. It's a different sensation and she might not recognise it yet.

My DS trained late - he was 3.5 months before it happened - he wasn't ready before that, he no awareness of needing to go. I tried putting him on the toilet at regular intervals, or after eating drinking, in the hope of catching him at the right time, but as his HV pointed out, that isn't toilet training. Thankfully when he suddenly developed the awareness, (recognising what he felt for both urinating and bowel movements), he was dry and clean and in 2 days.

Good luck, I know how difficult and frustrating it can be x

This is my problem, I genuinely cannot work out if she knows she needs to go and is just ignoring it or if she is just not recognising the feeling yet. I obviously don't want to push her before shes ready but at the same time I don't want to leave it solely to her. For example with my eldest I did everything the books said and waited for signs that she was ready but by the age of 3 she was still reliant on pull ups so I had to take the lead and she was 90% dry in 2 days so this time around I didn't want to leave it so long and be a bit more proactive.

Nagme · 1 June 2018 at 4:42AM

I know of one little girl in my son's class who just couldn't poop in the loo either, she had to put pull ups on to do it. This lasted till she was about 7, her parents took her to the Drs and no-one really knew why, but she grew out of it.

Robots · 23 July 2018 at 11:05AM

Have you been to the doctor or nurse? There are continence workshops and other support available on the NHS for this problem (may be a bit of a postcode lottery so you'll need to check).

MrsSippi · 29 July 2018 at 11:46PM

Robots wrote: »

Have you been to the doctor or nurse? There are continence workshops and other support available on the NHS for this problem (may be a bit of a postcode lottery so you'll need to check).

Thank you for the reply. I did visit the gp regarding this but apparently they don't investigate unless it is a problem with the bladder. There's nothing they can do about the bowels apparently which seems daft to me.

Anyhoo, a month ago I was stressing about this with my friend as I was still having no joy and dd was also constipated and had not been properly for weeks

(despite being prescribed laxatives by the gp etc) and she suggested an over the counter medication which i thought I'd try and, to put it politely, let's just say it worked

.

And since then dd has not had a single accident :j. So I'm absolutely chuffed she's sorted but do feel slightly bad as it seems that the problem wasn't really her but the fact that there was something actually wrong. This massive improvement has also meant that I plucked up the courage to change to knickers overnight and in a whole month she's has just one accident.

I'm a very happy mum

moneypanicker · 11 November 2018 at 8:39PM

Are you sure she isn't constipated? This is often a problem with potty training. If that is ruled out how about when you think she needs to go sitting her on the loo and giving her a bottle of bubbles (it relaxes the sphincter muscles). There is a great charity called ERIC which has a good website with ideas and tips.

moneypanicker · 11 November 2018 at 8:40PM

omg I've just read your reply for some reason it didn't come up before. It sounded like constipation

enthusiasticsaver · 11 November 2018 at 9:19PM

My DGD1 had the same issue but fingers crossed she seems to have mastered it now. She was dry from around 2 years 9 months old but could not poo in the toilet so it was usually an accident in her pants although she took herself off somewhere quiet to do it. The health visitor suggested constipation so DD gave her more fruit, pears seem to do the trick. Bribery was the way they got her to go on the toilet and they did a sticker chart and she got a lollipop or a toy when she had enough stickers. It took around four months to get her to do it though.

Toilet training problems

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