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    • 4853emma
    • By 4853emma 26th Jul 19, 9:43 AM
    • 71Posts
    • 250Thanks
    Debt, debt and more debt.
    • #1
    • 26th Jul 19, 9:43 AM
    Debt, debt and more debt. 26th Jul 19 at 9:43 AM
    I entered into a DMP in March 2018 after waking up in the night feeling like I was having a heart atack. I left my ex in 2012 and was earning £22,000 a year at the time. I struggled on, paying everything and ended up using credit cards and loans just to make ends meet. I was managing the monthly payments ok until my ex stopped paying his £340 towards the children. Long story but he has manipulated my son so that he doesn't have to pay me anything. My son gets £5 a week if he stays with his Dad 4 days a week. This means he pays £20 a month, saving himself £300. The £340 drop crippled me and I managed for 6 months until I began to drown.

    Anyway in March 2018 I owed £42,000 and now I owe £33,279. I pay £517 a month on a DMP and supplement my income with Ebay and Tutoring.

    I'm feeling proper fed up today at the thought of the enormity of my situation. I am now married and my other half initially lied about how much money he had, amongst other lies throughout the years. That's another story! The plan is to eventually leave when I have my finances in order.

    I'm very much alone in sorting this out and normally I just get on with it. Today I'm having a down day.

    My family don't know and because I have a good job they think I'm well off and greedy for Tutoring and working three hours a night on Ebay. All together I'm working 75 hours a week.

    They have made comments like 'you should put your children first' and not Ebay. I've set up this diary so that I don't feel as alone in this journey and have people to discuss things with who won't bring me down further.

    March 2018 £42,000 July 2019 £33,279
Page 10
    • kyariskyaris
    • By kyariskyaris 21st Oct 19, 4:41 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    Iíve just read youíre entire thread from star to finish and felt compelled to sign up and subscribe in order to show you some support. So glad you and the kids are out of that environment, you can start to rebuild yourself now 💜 Sending positive vibes your way, well done you! #GetThoseAngelWings
    • warby68
    • By warby68 21st Oct 19, 4:59 AM
    • 1,368 Posts
    • 10,905 Thanks
    So, had a full weekend of driving DD to her friends houses and having them back to stay here. My ex goes in my Mum's local as it is his supporters club. I was picking DD's friend up and saw him outside the pub. I didn't even think about him being there. Anyway he must have gone to watch the football and was on the phone, probably arranging another night out. I don't know why but it has really upset me to the point of being heartbroken.

    Maybe it's because I'm ill and work hasn't gone well this week. I was doing fine the last two weeks. Didn't tutor today as I need a break, literally hit a brick wall today in terms of motivation.

    I'll get back on track next week.
    Originally posted by 4853emma
    You're allowed all of this, and then some.

    You ARE motivated, you're just exhausted,unwell and too busy.

    Please take a little time for yourself, an investment if you will so you can have something in the tanks again.

    Park the work stuff for a short while - better tackled when you feel a bit more yourself. The downsides will be magnified at the moment in terms of your reaction to them. You've had a lot of change so the timing might not be brilliant to change the job as well - better the devil you know reasoning. Not for ever of course, just make sure its a 'decision' not a 'reaction'

    How is everyone doing in the new house? Including the dog - I think it says a lot about a person that takes a pet on but happily abandons them, another thing that should convince you this is about him and how he is far more than it ever was about you.
    • Suffolk lass
    • By Suffolk lass 21st Oct 19, 6:22 AM
    • 3,310 Posts
    • 29,413 Thanks
    Suffolk lass
    What you are feeling in terms of emotions when you see your ex unexpectedly - it is all part of the grieving process. The last two weeks has seen you taking some momentous steps and it really is only natural for the drop in adrenalin that naturally follows that to make you feel physically awful, emotionally drained and leave you open to infection.

    I recommend you re-read the start of your diary as the reasons you had to get out are screaming out from every post. You really have done the right thing putting the health, home and wellbeing of you and your children before the imagined relationship you hoped once you might have.

    I'm sure my words don't help but do please realise that it is all normal. Not nice, but completely normal
    Save £12k in 2019 - #68 target is £7k £8,766.30 after Sep
    OS Grocery Challenge 2019 target £3k - 57.28% spent after Sep
    Mortgage Free Wannabes 2019 #37 108.23% £43,292.24 including Sep - reducing now to avoid fees
    MFIT T5 target to clear our mortgage completely (£59,998) Q2 £30,085 or 50.14% paid
    My DFD is here
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