Single Dad needing advice....

Oakdene · 10 May 2018 at 8:44AM

As some of you will know, I am a full time single Dad to my 13 year old daughter who was kicked out by her Mum (after our divorce) due to her not getting on with her Mums new partner. They still don't get on as a Mum & daughter should. We are incredibly close, as I am with my son who still lives with his Mum (same Mum as his sister). Anyways...

My daughter started her periods quite early, I think it was just before she was 11 & she has developed more than her the majority of her main circle of friends, but being an August baby she is the youngest of her circle & certainly one of the youngest of her year.

She has always had long hair down her back & she surprised me earlier this year when she asked if she could have it cut short to something like this http://pophaircuts.com/images/2012/11/Emma-Watson-Cute-Short-Straight-Haircuts.jpg so once I was sure she wanted this I said ok. She has kept it short & I think it does look nice as I have grown to like it.

However yesterday I gave her a cwtch & as I placed my arm on her back I could feel like a lump, I asked her what it was & she panicked & said it was nothing. I knew from her reaction that it was something & I asked her again what it was. She told me it was a bandage. Horrified I asked what had happened, was she injured? She said she wasn't hurt or anything. I asked her to take it off, so she went to her room & took it off & brought it back to me. I asked her why she was wearing it & eventually she told me she did it to flatten her breasts down. I was flabbergasted & asked her why she would do such a thing (not somethingI have encountered before apart from Éponine in Les Mis!rables). She didn't answer, so we sat & spoke for a while & I tried to probe by asking different questions but the only thing she said was it was because she feels more developed than her friends.

She is doing well in school & has worked hard to get to the top set of all her subjects, she is excelling in English (I have been told by her teacher how well she is doing), so there isn't an issue with her academic work.

I feel upset that she felt she couldn't or wouldn't talk to me but am looking for advice on why she would do this or how I can help as I feel a little useless as a single Dad...

elsien · 10 May 2018 at 8:49AM

My first thought is does she wear properly fitted bras or is the bandage an alternative to this? It can be embarrassing to be the first girl in a class to wear one but they don't all produce the cleavage effect and with a bit of support her breasts might be less obvious especially if without support they're wobbling a bit.

ETA
Does she have any aunties she could talk to in the first instance - I used to stay with my dad over the long summer holidays and this is the type of conversation that I just couldn't have brought myself to have with him at that age. So although you want to help her, as her dad, it might be that you do that by giving her s bitbof space and finding her support somewhere else for now.

Oakdene · 10 May 2018 at 8:52AM

elsien wrote: »

My first thought is does she wear properly fitted bras or is the bandage an alternative to this? It can be embarrassing to be the first girl in a class to wear one but they don't all produce the cleavage effect and with a bit of support her breasts might be less obvious especially if without support they're wobbling a bit.

She does wear fitted cup bras (I think that's the right terminology). I always ask her if they are still fitting etc & if she needs bigger bras or a different type.

pollypenny · 10 May 2018 at 8:56AM

Is there a particular teacher that she gets on with very well? She might be a source of advice or even venting.

ViolaLass · 10 May 2018 at 8:58AM

Oakdene wrote: »

She does wear fitted cup bras (I think that's the right terminology). I always ask her if they are still fitting etc & if she needs bigger bras or a different type.

Has she been properly fitted? She may well not know whether she's in the right size, a lot of women don't.

Oakdene · 10 May 2018 at 9:03AM

pollypenny wrote: »

Is there a particular teacher that she gets on with very well? She might be a source of advice or even venting.

I would say, if any, her English teacher but only because she seems to be the teacher she talks about mostly. Her work in English has gone from level 5 to level 8 in this academic year alone. Do you think perhaps I should ask to speak to the teacher?

Oakdene · 10 May 2018 at 9:04AM

ViolaLass wrote: »

Has she been properly fitted? She may well not know whether she's in the right size, a lot of women don't.

She has been with my Mum to buy bras but perhaps getting properly fitted & measured could be something to try.

izoomzoom · 10 May 2018 at 9:16AM

Oakdene wrote: »

She has been with my Mum to buy bras but perhaps getting properly fitted & measured could be something to try.

Is she close to your Mum? Hopefully that is a safe avenue for her to access.

ViolaLass · 10 May 2018 at 9:18AM

Oakdene wrote: »

She has been with my Mum to buy bras but perhaps getting properly fitted & measured could be something to try.

Even if your mum got her the right size, she's growing and changing a lot at this age. Wouldn't do any harm to get her properly fitted every 6-12 months.

Also, does she do any sport? Has she got a good sports bra?

If she's a DD or bigger, Bravissimo are fantastic.

Oakdene · 10 May 2018 at 9:20AM

izoomzoom wrote: »

Is she close to your Mum? Hopefully that is a safe avenue for her to access.

She is close to all of me, my Mum & my Dad, she has in the past kind of picked the person to talk to if something is on her mind if that makes sense?

ViolaLass wrote: »

Even if your mum got her the right size, she's growing and changing a lot at this age. Wouldn't do any harm to get her properly fitted every 6-12 months.

Also, does she do any sport? Has she got a good sports bra?

If she's a DD or bigger, Bravissimo are fantastic.

She does play rugby & she has a good sports bra for that, but I will check with her to see if it's still fitting. I will take her to get fitted one day after school.

Blondetotty · 10 May 2018 at 9:24AM

Gosh I really feel for you. I had an incredibly good relationship with my Dad when I was younger too and he was cool about going out and buying my tampons or towels and I could discuss a lot with him but at the end of the day if it was female related I'd prefer mum. If she hasn't got that good a relationship I'd echo what a previous poster said and ask does she have a close relationship with any aunts etc first?

If not, have you thought about maybe taking her shopping, hitting all the usual teenage shops and having a fun day out and also gently steering her into Debenhams or M&S and getting her measured during that trip? If it's part of a day out with her Dad maybe it wouldn't be as mortifying as a direct mission to get her measured and fitted. I know if my Dad had taken me straight to get measured up I'd have died but on one of those days out with him and knowing I'd be headed to BK afterwards it wouldn't have been such a bother. Kinda bribery and distraction but I know it would have worked for me!

It could also be more than just simply bra sizing. A friends teenage daughter is now living as her son (fortunately he has very accepting parents) so just be aware it might be more than simply developing quicker than her friends. I've no idea how you'd start this conversation though. My friends, now son, just came out with it one day out of the blue after having had a girlie day out with his mum. I'm still finding it difficult to remember to say he, not she so imagine how difficult it was for him to bring it up with his parents.

Good luck

Single Dad needing advice....

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