How to get over buyer's remorse?

needhouseadvice · 3 October 2016 at 10:57AM

I have a severe case of buyer's remorse after completing and it's stopping me from enjoying my flat and the experience of living on my own for the first time. I'm questioning everything about it even what I saw as its good points before I bought it and all the (many) compromises that I made to buy in London. Now I'm just not sure it was worth it and I should've waited for something better to come along.

How do I get over this? It's affecting my daily life. I can't concentrate at work. I just feel like there's so much to do and it's getting me down. I just wish I was back in my old rental where I didn't have to think about all of this.

Gru14 · 3 October 2016 at 11:07AM

I guess, like anything, just think about how luck you are.

Many people are struggling to buy and trapped in renting or living with parents etc. Also, it isn't forever, this is a step on a ladder and there is nothing stopping you from moving again.
I doubt anyone is going to be able to give you an answer unfortunately.
The best one is to just get a grip, be grateful for the positive aspects of your situation and property and get on with your life. Worrying/regretting isn't going to change anything. If you really feel THAT bad, sell it and move...

Sorry to give a harsh answer but reality check - regrets solve nothing.

needhouseadvice · 3 October 2016 at 11:27AM

Gru14 wrote: »

I guess, like anything, just think about how luck you are.

Many people are struggling to buy and trapped in renting or living with parents etc. Also, it isn't forever, this is a step on a ladder and there is nothing stopping you from moving again.
I doubt anyone is going to be able to give you an answer unfortunately.
The best one is to just get a grip, be grateful for the positive aspects of your situation and property and get on with your life. Worrying/regretting isn't going to change anything. If you really feel THAT bad, sell it and move...

Sorry to give a harsh answer but reality check - regrets solve nothing.

Thanks. I need a dose of tough love!

copperjar · 3 October 2016 at 11:29AM

Lists usually help!
What is it really that is worrying you? The cost? The area? The work you need to do? You're probably in panic mode (if you're anything like me) and can't think straight. What can you change? What can't you change and what actions can you take? Get it down on paper - seeing your angst and worry in black and white will probably show you the way forward.

PS I had severe sellers regret for a week or so at accepting £2k less than asking price. Irrational maybe but felt really upsetting at the time. Worrying is fine in small doses but it can take over your life. It is often the mind playing tricks, getting you to doubt yourself!

What advantages have you gained by already grtting on property ladder and all moved in?

Gru14 · 3 October 2016 at 11:31AM

I think we all do from time to time. I do when I'm whinging about not being able to sell - at least I have a roof over my head and no mortgage!

We all get down in the dumps about our situations though, it's human nature. If being positive was easy the world would be a much nicer place!

HouseBuyer77 · 3 October 2016 at 11:31AM

There's no use dwelling on what could have been. Instead concentrate on what you have and what it could become.

Come up with ways to fix the negatives and make the flat more enjoyable for you, something as simple as repainting and giving the whole place a really decent clean could really brighten in up. Plus making positive steps towards improvement has a habbit of making you feel happier.

needhouseadvice · 3 October 2016 at 11:36AM

copperjar wrote: »

Lists usually help!
What is it really that is worrying you? The cost? The area? The work you need to do? You're probably in panic mode (if you're anything like me) and can't think straight. What can you change? What can't you change and what actions can you take? Get it down on paper - seeing your angst and worry in black and white will probably show you the way forward.

PS I had severe sellers regret for a week or so at accepting £2k less than asking price. Irrational maybe but felt really upsetting at the time. Worrying is fine in small doses but it can take over your life. It is often the mind playing tricks, getting you to doubt yourself!

What advantages have you gained by already grtting on property ladder and all moved in?

Everything! It's a new area so I've left one I've lived in for years and absolutely love to bits. I have a few friends close but it's a shock. The new area is up and coming but at the moment there's not much there. It also needs a lot of work. And I paid over asking price which I now regret.

I guess now I'm on the ladder and I can build up some equity although all this Brexit stuff is making me think this isn't necessarily guaranteed anymore in the next few years. At the moment all I can think of is how early I can sell it again!

rach_k · 3 October 2016 at 11:43AM

Definitely make a list. Write down all the things that need changing/fixing and things that you could improve to make your life better there even if they don't need doing straight away, then order it by the things that are most urgent. Go through again and add in estimated costs.

If there's anything free/very cheap and easy that will make you happier, bump it up the list so you have a good mix of serious/expensive and cheap/easy stuff, then start working through and ticking things off. We moved here 4.5 years ago and we're still working through our list but we have a plan so it feels manageable and it's (almost) fun to look at what it coming up next.

Things like painting a room, hanging some pictures and inviting friends round to show off your new place don't cost much. Even if you don't feel like showing off, get people round because they will be excited for you and should be able to remind you why you liked it in the first place. Get your friends to come up with suggestions for what you can do with the rooms - even if they're ridiculous ideas, it's fun to plan!

Pay attention to the things you can do now that you couldn't do in a shared/rented place too. Put up wonky shelves if you like, walk around naked, paint a room a crazy colour. It's yours, you can do whatever you like.

Chanes · 3 October 2016 at 12:31PM

Same thing happened to me! We moved from a house that needed nothing doing, it was fine. But we wanted more room. And the house we bought had a lot more in the way of problems that were found in the survey! My girlfriend was heartbroken and really missed the old house. BUT. Nearly two years on and this house is done exactly as we wanted and as fine as that old house and now she loves it.

The remorse wears off as you make it your own home. Slowly as you make things as you want them you remember why you wanted it.

needhouseadvice · 3 October 2016 at 12:41PM

Chanes wrote: »

Same thing happened to me! We moved from a house that needed nothing doing, it was fine. But we wanted more room. And the house we bought had a lot more in the way of problems that were found in the survey! My girlfriend was heartbroken and really missed the old house. BUT. Nearly two years on and this house is done exactly as we wanted and as fine as that old house and now she loves it.

The remorse wears off as you make it your own home. Slowly as you make things as you want them you remember why you wanted it.

I hope so! I'm telling myself that the first few months will be tough and hopefully in a year or so I'll be glad to have chosen this place. I think a big part is missing my old area where I had everything on my doorstep. There's nothing going on here.

hazyjo · 3 October 2016 at 1:07PM

I think a lot of it is craving familiarity and a bit of homesickness thrown in.

I'm thinking of moving but I can feel the anxiety creeping in already. I've done it 7 times so really should be used to it, but we love our current house so much and it's going to be extremely hard leaving it. I feel I want to cry at the thought lol - not really been so emotionally attached to a house before. It's been a very happy home. We shall miss it terribly! I know when we move we'll probably wonder if we've done the right thing - but it's all about the area with us. I want to lose most or all of the mortgage, and live by the sea. We certainly won't get either of those if we stay.

Jx

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How to get over buyer's remorse?

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