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  • FIRST POST
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 1st Jan 19, 2:36 PM
    • 10,759Posts
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    Mooloo
    I will cut my coat according to my cloth. Mooloo 2019
    • #1
    • 1st Jan 19, 2:36 PM
    I will cut my coat according to my cloth. Mooloo 2019 1st Jan 19 at 2:36 PM
    As I am a Seamstress, and this year is about my sorting out my life and changing my direction, finally loosing the family debts etc perhaps the title is the most apt I can come up with this year.
    Here is to 2019 and a frugal year to change my direction so that I can rebuild my dreams in the next year.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
Page 63
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 18th Jul 19, 11:01 PM
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    Mooloo
    All,good points but as Mooloo now refers to eldest baby as "my lad",
    It probably won't wash.
    We tend use the language we find easiest to accept ourselves.
    I often say "we" when I should be saying you, I think it's a way of bringing up a subject in a less confrontational manner.

    If the fostering kinship thing is approved as has been suggested it will, that should ease the financial burden considerably?
    Two extra children plus dgd.
    Originally posted by Artytarty
    I called him my lad because somebody took umbrage to my calling him the lad.
    I realise he is not mine. All though it is highly likely that I will be the one responsible for them st the end of all this.
    I got some sleep but I woke up with the baby twice and this morning I think I got out of bed on the wrong side. I was grouchy, tired and tearful at times.
    My sister's partner messaged me asking about my Mum, who is over there so why don't they ring my brother?? Then she messaged me saying that she hadn't heard from Mum, and my reply was ring our brother then as I am speaking to one or another each day.
    Why drag me into it?
    Twin2 is having problems and rang the shop to tell me she has 2 months to get out of the house she's living in. So what can I do about it?
    She also had the police out a few days back due to threats from other tenants and the police have flagged her up as a vulnerable adult and social Services have been intouch with her. Hopefully they will help her. But I cannot even if I wanted to.
    I lost my composure this morning and had strong words with DGD and DS for using my home like a hotel or a rubbish dump, for back chatting me and taking me for granted.
    We had the school leavers assembly which I went to and DGD took I'll on stage with the heat. So she was sent home by the headmistress and told to rest but come back tonight for the school disco.
    My friend had to help me by taking and collecting her as DS was working and I have the boys. She was upset at the end as the parents were dancing with all the other children and I wasn't there. I feel awful but didn't feel I had much of a choice and so we've been a bit sad together when she got back. She borrowed one of my maxi dresses and I did her hair and makeup, but apparently she was out of place as lots were in Bridesmaids type dresses etc.
    Getting her in any dress was a miracle but she looked lovely.
    Tomorrow she goes to her Mums but for the first time tonight she said she didn't really want to go. Sobering thought that. I have asked her if she will go, but if she wants to come home sooner then I will go get her. She's due to go for two weeks.
    My brothers best friend and once a close friend of mine died last night, cancer again. He was in my life since I was about 12. Until the last 15 years, but my Brother always talked about him and kept me updated. Just a little sad, and it does make me feel my age.
    I had a small battle on my hands with my lad, and he kept the baby up for a while. It was about 8.45 when it finally settled down and I took the alarm out to my Cabana to work. But I only managed to line a skirt before my friend brought Dgd home upset, so I had to stop.
    I am keeping my fingers crossed that DS gets home before the baby wakes up next and I can get to sleep I am shattered and I have a busy day ahead tomorrow with a lot of fittings and urgent stuff.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • hb2
    • By hb2 18th Jul 19, 11:57 PM
    • 454 Posts
    • 1,655 Thanks
    hb2
    Mooloo, you sound shattered! I hope you manage to get a good sleep (((hugs)))
    • KatrinaWaves
    • By KatrinaWaves 19th Jul 19, 7:00 AM
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    KatrinaWaves
    You have mentioned a couple of times about your granddaughter borrowing your clothes. This time you mention her looking out of place. It might help her confidence to take her shopping to get some new clothes of her own as I think a young girl shouldn’t really be borrowing her grandmothers clothes. She needs to develop her own style and sense of self, not just her grandmothers. I’m sure she does have her own clothes etc but, she clearly needed a dress for tonight so maybe some new clothes are in order.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 19th Jul 19, 7:38 AM
    • 10,759 Posts
    • 56,350 Thanks
    Mooloo
    You have mentioned a couple of times about your granddaughter borrowing your clothes. This time you mention her looking out of place. It might help her confidence to take her shopping to get some new clothes of her own as I think a young girl shouldnít really be borrowing her grandmothers clothes. She needs to develop her own style and sense of self, not just her grandmothers. Iím sure she does have her own clothes etc but, she clearly needed a dress for tonight so maybe some new clothes are in order.
    Originally posted by KatrinaWaves
    She chose a new dress and I bought it for her, but then she didn't want to wear it. Luckily as a person who works in fashion my clothes are not very Granny. The maxi dress she wore was from a younger range. I would not be stupid enough to send her in my formal clothes. Not that I have many of those. My clothes are all bright and colourful and very modern.
    There is nothing Granny about me.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • KatrinaWaves
    • By KatrinaWaves 19th Jul 19, 8:10 AM
    • 791 Posts
    • 1,556 Thanks
    KatrinaWaves
    She chose a new dress and I bought it for her, but then she didn't want to wear it. Luckily as a person who works in fashion my clothes are not very Granny. The maxi dress she wore was from a younger range. I would not be stupid enough to send her in my formal clothes. Not that I have many of those. My clothes are all bright and colourful and very modern.
    There is nothing Granny about me.
    Originally posted by Mooloo
    It is not about 'age' or 'fashion' it is about her being herself, having her own style, not just her grannys.

    Regardless of how trendy you are, it is unusual for a girl of her age to want to wear the same style/fit/'fashion' of her grandmother.
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 19th Jul 19, 8:23 AM
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    pollyanna 26
    I'm sure you will have sent dd off to the disco in the right sort of clothes. It sounds to me as though she may be becoming aware that as much as she loves the little ones she's now realising life will be different now . You were able to attend the leaving ceremony but needed to look after the little ones rather than be dancing with her at the disco.
    It's an awkward age anyway and the pressures to fit in with her peers can be a bit of a minefield. I feel sorry for the youngsters nowadays . Rather than her jeans or joggers she has to fit in with the others. Eleven year olds shouldn't be feeling the stress but sadly they're having to grow up much earlier than in the past.


    Was she able to explain why she didn't want to go to mums? It's not so long ago she was wanting to come home early from a previous stay. It sounds as though shes feeling a bit confused at the moment. Even if she can't process her feelings the fact that it's no longer just you and her at home but uncle and the boys too may make her feel a bit insecure . Real life means the little ones need your time and attention too but she's learning there are times when that means there are things you would normally do such as dancing at the disco that can't be done.


    She was adamant the boys should stay with you all but she's now having to work through the reality of the situation day to day
    I hope she's feeling better today and your day goes well.
    pollyx
    No need to hurry.No need to sparkle.No need to be anybody but oneself.


    Virginia Woolf.
    • Bextow
    • By Bextow 19th Jul 19, 8:53 AM
    • 113 Posts
    • 594 Thanks
    Bextow
    I'm sure it's nothing to do with wearing Grannys clothes more the fact she is probably nervous and sad at leaving her Primary school. DGD has been through lots of change recently and with that comes tears and a tiny bit of fear, which is normal for her age and is part of growing up.
    Jan: £1000 Virgin holiday voucher, microscope & binoculars, mystery box, biscuits & book, mini bluetooth speaker, dog harness & car seat cover, £200 amazon voucher, signed Match annual, mooncup, Nun dvd
    Feb: Fabric quarter set & sewing book

    £2019 IN 2019 #65 (£1224.50/£2019)
    • pollyanna 26
    • By pollyanna 26 19th Jul 19, 9:56 AM
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    • 26,892 Thanks
    pollyanna 26
    I'm sure it's nothing to do with wearing Grannys clothes more the fact she is probably nervous and sad at leaving her Primary school. DGD has been through lots of change recently and with that comes tears and a tiny bit of fear, which is normal for her age and is part of growing up.
    Originally posted by Bextow

    I do agree with this. Many youngsters take moving school in their stride but many don't. School has been supportive and understanding of dgds illnesses and accidents.Plans are already in place to continue that in the new school . She will need to test that help before she will begin to settle in.
    polly
    No need to hurry.No need to sparkle.No need to be anybody but oneself.


    Virginia Woolf.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 19th Jul 19, 3:24 PM
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    • 56,350 Thanks
    Mooloo
    It was not about the clothes but the teasing because she was in a dress and not jeans. She was vulnerable all day and emotional. She wants to see her Mummy but after a few days gets bored as Mummy doesn't do anything with her. Mummy plays on her phone or crochets or what ever her latest craze is. It was loom bands a while ago.

    I am tired.
    I shouted at DS today and told him if he didn't like my rules he could move out. We're ok now but I needed to let off steam.
    I understood that he was stressed at the pressure the social worker and ex put on him yesterday about supervising contact with her. I messaged the Social worker ( who was removed then returned to the case!!) and asked him to call me. He text me the office number, so I told DS to call and tell them how stressed he was at the thought of spending two hours with her considering everything and that once again we were under the impression it should be supervised by them
    The line manager agreed that no way should DS be expected to Supervise and so it has changed to an hour at her office today. But they can book a spot at a child centre but can't afford to Supervise it and want me to Supervise going forward. Nice of her to ask me!!
    Mind you I will do it if it saves her attacks on my son and I can make sure she doesn't do anything stupid with the children.
    If I get Agro I will not stop and I will call the police or security or what is appropriate.
    Dgd has gone to her Mum now. I was at work so didn't see them, but hopefully I will when they return her. (Or if I have to go to get her).

    I am going to work in my cabin in a little while but just going to snatch 40 winks while nobody is home.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 19th Jul 19, 4:02 PM
    • 19,528 Posts
    • 49,639 Thanks
    elsien
    They agree supervision is needed but can't afford to provide it?

    Complete cobblers. If it's in the safeguarding plan they don't have a choice. Tell them no, then they will have to make the relevant arrangements.
    If you're going to keep letting them off the hook by agreeing to these arrangements, of course they're going to keep taking advantage. There does feel like a bit of an element here of you needing to be needed - sorry if that sounds hard, but that's how it's coming across.
    Sorting out the contact arrangements isn't your problem unless you make it so.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Babe1
    • By Babe1 19th Jul 19, 7:31 PM
    • 136 Posts
    • 482 Thanks
    Babe1
    Oh my goodness, how can they expect you to supervise those visits Mooloo, along with the times you are caring for the Boys, by them living with you.

    This is absolutely unacceptable - please, please tell SS you cannot do this; it's a step too far in having to deal with the Boys mother, after all of the abuse suffered by your son.

    I know within our own Council of the cutbacks that are being made, but as I mentioned before, if this was a Woman that had been abused, would they be asking that same woman n to supervise he visits with her ex-partner. Of course they wouldn't - there is a Safeguarding issue here, for both you and DS.

    Mooloo, you have to get back to saying "No"... "No" to everyone except I feel DGD and your Mum. Everyone else needs to blooming well step up and give you the support you need. From what I have read for some time now, no one is supporting you - it's all going one way, and that's from you outwards.

    I can't bear being harsh/cross but this really takes the biscuit - you had every right today to let son have your angst - I appreciate, as many of us that read here, that he has a lot on his plate, but you are the one that's doing all the hard slog.

    If I was you, I would be going in the studio, and locking myself in!!



    X
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 20th Jul 19, 9:25 AM
    • 10,759 Posts
    • 56,350 Thanks
    Mooloo
    They agree supervision is needed but can't afford to provide it?

    Complete cobblers. If it's in the safeguarding plan they don't have a choice. Tell them no, then they will have to make the relevant arrangements.
    If you're going to keep letting them off the hook by agreeing to these arrangements, of course they're going to keep taking advantage. There does feel like a bit of an element here of you needing to be needed - sorry if that sounds hard, but that's how it's coming across.
    Sorting out the contact arrangements isn't your problem unless you make it so.
    Originally posted by elsien
    I assure you that I do not want to be needed.
    If I could walk away I would. But my heart tells me that I need to try to keep these children happy, healthy and loved with in the family, and it's not about my needs at all.

    My needs are to have a happy family life, my sewing cabin and my holiday home in Portugal one day.
    My needs are to have a loving partner and be able to walk hand in hand along the beach at sunset and have someone to laugh and cry with.
    Now if I can find that I would be happy.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 20th Jul 19, 11:48 AM
    • 10,759 Posts
    • 56,350 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Come home to baby gone down for a nap, dgs 3 (the lad), is fairly calm and playing quietly for a change. We've had fun popping bubble wrap.
    The house is tidy, my washing machine is on, and boy it feels good for a change. Think my shouting yesterday might have got through to DS.
    Long may it continue
    I have brought a trolley full of sewing to do when I can, either tonight when they are in bed or tomorrow.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 20th Jul 19, 4:30 PM
    • 65,640 Posts
    • 295,517 Thanks
    beanielou
    I love popping bubble wrap!
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    • just trying
    • By just trying 20th Jul 19, 8:15 PM
    • 874 Posts
    • 3,070 Thanks
    just trying
    I assure you that I do not want to be needed.
    If I could walk away I would. But my heart tells me that I need to try to keep these children happy, healthy and loved with in the family, and it's not about my needs at all.

    My needs are to have a happy family life, my sewing cabin and my holiday home in Portugal one day.
    My needs are to have a loving partner and be able to walk hand in hand along the beach at sunset and have someone to laugh and cry with.
    Now if I can find that I would be happy.
    Originally posted by Mooloo
    Moolooo you couldn't walk away not even if you could. It would break you. Maybe your brain is preparing for when your responsible for them both with my lad, your getting up with them and dealing with them.

    Hope dgd is happy at mums for a while, even if you do need to pick her up! Your all doing your best. Yes, tears from dgd you weren't there and I'm sure your heart strings were pulled. It was a emotional time for her and your a constant in her life. Things just got a bit much, she choose to wear one of your dresses as she liked it. It's a big thing moving up but she'll be fine.

    Glad the boys are settled and happy.

    Hope you meet that special somebody, you deserve it Xx.
    SEALED POT CHALLENGE MEMBER 098
    WILL SAVE ATLEAST £500!.
    • hb2
    • By hb2 20th Jul 19, 8:27 PM
    • 454 Posts
    • 1,655 Thanks
    hb2
    I love popping bubble wrap!
    Originally posted by beanielou
    I still wrap a piece up for my son at Christmas - and he's 33 now!
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 20th Jul 19, 8:42 PM
    • 65,640 Posts
    • 295,517 Thanks
    beanielou
    I still wrap a piece up for my son at Christmas - and he's 33 now!
    Originally posted by hb2
    Great idea
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 11 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.***
    ***Keep plodding***
    Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    • SingleSue
    • By SingleSue 21st Jul 19, 12:18 AM
    • 10,583 Posts
    • 60,057 Thanks
    SingleSue
    My youngest son actually bought some bubble wrap for his brother for Christmas one year....it was received with lots of enthusiasm and joy (the recipient was over 20)
    We made it! Two graduated, 1 currently at university, been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
    Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk!
    • annandale
    • By annandale 21st Jul 19, 10:16 PM
    • 1,245 Posts
    • 2,892 Thanks
    annandale
    What does your son give to your household in way of income? Is it zero? You’ve lost money from him coming to live with you. He’s in lots of debt.

    Do I think you have done the right thing taking in your grandkids? Yes.

    But. Your kids use you. Your son has money for weed. Alcohol. X box.

    You wonder why your grand daughter is upset? Her life is chaotic. You do your best for everyone. But nothing changes.

    It’s not needing to be needed. You and your kids are in some kind of a co dependent relationship.

    Other people would have closed the purse long ago and let them get on with it. They are adults. Your daughter uses you as an unpaid babysitter. Your other daughters use you when they want cash.

    And your son is what? 27?

    Tell your son to find his own home. He needs to stand on his own two feet.

    He’s got thousands of pounds of debt and he’s got cash for drink and drugs.

    He’s a waste of space. Get rid. He’s treating you like a mug. All your kids are.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 21st Jul 19, 10:42 PM
    • 10,759 Posts
    • 56,350 Thanks
    Mooloo
    What does your son give to your household in way of income? Is it zero? Youíve lost money from him coming to live with you. Heís in lots of debt.

    Do I think you have done the right thing taking in your grandkids? Yes.

    But. Your kids use you. Your son has money for weed. Alcohol. X box.

    You wonder why your grand daughter is upset? Her life is chaotic. You do your best for everyone. But nothing changes.

    Itís not needing to be needed. You and your kids are in some kind of a co dependent relationship.

    Other people would have closed the purse long ago and let them get on with it. They are adults. Your daughter uses you as an unpaid babysitter. Your other daughters use you when they want cash.

    And your son is what? 27?

    Tell your son to find his own home. He needs to stand on his own two feet.

    Heís got thousands of pounds of debt and heís got cash for drink and drugs.

    Heís a waste of space. Get rid. Heís treating you like a mug. All your kids are.
    Originally posted by annandale
    Thanks for the opinions


    But
    Go get a life of your own because this is my real world and my kids are diagnosed with learning difficulties
    So
    Are you
    So
    Archaic that you would return to the 19 century and lock people up in asylums??

    You read what you want into what I write here.
    My family is not your family, and thank god for that. Heaven help it if you have children that have grown up physically but not mentally, god forbid any of your family gets it wrong, because you will walk away with out a conscience.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
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