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    • little8571
    • By little8571 18th Jul 19, 12:53 PM
    • 13Posts
    • 0Thanks
    feel like i cannot live
    • #1
    • 18th Jul 19, 12:53 PM
    feel like i cannot live 18th Jul 19 at 12:53 PM
    Hi all, i have come on here because i am at my wits end.
    I have been classed as one of those people in persistent debt, why because i was stupid and built up balances on credit cards.

    Now i like others have been receiving the you are in persistent debt letters and i thought you know what i will pay extra because it makes sense.

    Now even after paying extra i am getting persistent letters about persistent debt, and to top it all off now after every time i pay a credit card i get texts telling me to pay more than the minimum when i already am.

    I even accepted a 100 increase from Barclaycard at their insistence which meant i had to cut other things such as food as prescriptions.

    I took more hours on at work and am trying really hard, but now i feel like i am being hounded on a daily basis, letters and now texts, what next people at the door every time i pay on time and over the minimum amount.

    I understand the persistent debt issues, im not an idiot but after another text today i feel like i cant go on.. yes i feel suicidal because they wont leave me alone!

    Is this what it feels like to have the bailiffs at your door on a daily basis because if this is how its going to be i may as well give up.

    The credit card companies asked me to up my payments, i did what they asked and now they want more, when will it end.

    I know persistent debt is an issue, i like many many others wish i was debt free but t the moment i cant be because i can only earn so much.

    I know there are others out there like me who always meet the payment dates and always pay more than the minimum, but are there others out there like me who are being hounded or feel in despair, if so please can you share your stories, help people in the same situation feel like there is some hope and that its worth making the effort.

    Please help as i cant go on with this and don't know what to do for the good.

    I did write to Martin to highlight the issue its having on peoples mental health but didn't get a reply, i expect he is busy but i feel like this issue needs addressing so that all concerned can be in a good place.
    Last edited by little8571; 18-07-2019 at 12:57 PM.
Page 2
    • Terry Towelling
    • By Terry Towelling 19th Jul 19, 4:15 PM
    • 1,764 Posts
    • 1,476 Thanks
    Terry Towelling
    Its a shame the thread took the turn it did, I hope the OP reappears.

    Telling someone to work harder could easily be viewed as judging.
    Originally posted by eco_warrior

    Fair comment; telling someone to work 'harder' does imply they aren't doing so at the moment. However, in defence of the post that mentioned working, it said to 'work more'. To me that is not judgmental but, if you feel trapped by your circumstances, I guess you could take it the wrong way.
    • eco_warrior
    • By eco_warrior 19th Jul 19, 7:20 PM
    • 436 Posts
    • 199 Thanks
    Fair comment; telling someone to work 'harder' does imply they aren't doing so at the moment. However, in defence of the post that mentioned working, it said to 'work more'. To me that is not judgmental but, if you feel trapped by your circumstances, I guess you could take it the wrong way.
    Originally posted by Terry Towelling
    Im sure no offence was meant. My observation of this forum is that some posters are very to the point and it can come across a bit harsh at times.
    • Dandytf
    • By Dandytf 20th Jul 19, 4:24 PM
    • 2,210 Posts
    • 512 Thanks

    Did you ever considering asking if you could opt out of auto increased payments.
    I've had some limited success, might be worth a call.
    sc dmp 2012 13k Jan 2019 9880paid. 75%approx.
    Mid 2018 Help2save 50 uk pounds per month
    Mid 2019-Virgin Money e-saver reward 18 -252 Uk pounds
    • fuzzything
    • By fuzzything 22nd Jul 19, 8:56 PM
    • 62 Posts
    • 34 Thanks
    Wow. I honestly never knew the judgemental comments sometimes made on the forum were not intentional. This thread was full of them, from my own perspective, at least. If you care to learn how you may be coming across to sensitive people such as myself let me expand

    The CC companies are correct in asking for higher payments
    I interpret this as you telling OP they are wrong. They are wrong to ask to pay less. They are stupid for wanting to pay less.

    An alternative comment would be to help the OP look at alternatives to paying so much.

    Could they consider bankruptcy or get an advocate to help negotiate reduced interest on debts and reduced repayments. A link to a service that can help Of course, I'm not the only poster on the thread to suggest this. Its easy to feel like youre drowning and can't find a solution when youre in the middle of it all. It's ok and really good to ask for help.

    Work more
    I interpret this as you judging the OP is lazy, and should just get on with it; or perhaps that they were too stupid to think of working more.

    An alternative would be to give the OP the benefit of the doubt and assume they are already doing all they can work-wise. So your comment would be more like

    I'm going to assume you are already doing all you can work wise.

    Right, so it was a minimum payment increase, not a credit limit increase.
    You didn't say that, so it wasn't clear.
    I interpret this as you being affronted that the OP said something you misinterpreted, and you're telling them off for not being clear. Labelling the OP as wrong.

    The alternative is to simply move on, say nothing, be constructive and help the OP.

    If you thought the 100 was an issue you should have made contact with them and informed them that, not just left it.
    Nothing gets my goat more than comments about what someone should have done. I interpret this as you telling the OP they are Wrong Wrong Wrong, that their brain just doesn't work and there is no hope for them. If that is not marking yourself as superior to the OP in that comment I don't know what is!

    The Alternative is to empathise with how painful receiving such a letter is, 'I can't imagine how painful it is to get a letter like that'.

    In pratical terms on how to get things sorted. Give helpful links. Did I mention

    you need to speak to a debt charity like StepChange
    Tosh and Twaddle! It's no use telling someone going through emotional pain what they need to do. Suggest. Don't Instruct. I interpret your wording to mean you will think they are stupid if they don't do what you are telling them to do.

    Why aren't you talking to your creditors and explaining your issues?
    If you don't know why, I hope you never have to find out.

    I interpret the comment as you telling them off, and that you can't imagine a good reason for someone not to be doing this, only stupid lazy ones.

    Alternative: If you are finding it too difficult to explain things to your creditors you can get an advocate.

    They won't bite your head off.
    I interpret this as you saying you just need to conquer your fear, that it won't hurt the OP to contact them. You are judging them as not knowing themselves and their current capabilities, and that they just need to be told, because they are too stupid to see it themselves.

    Alternative is to assume they may need help from an advocate to sort this out.

    What about your husband? You're in this together - is he helping you at all?
    I interpret this as you judging it's the OPs husbands role is to financially bail them out of the difficulty.

    Alternative would be to say 'Are you comfortable asking family for help?'

    You either need help, or you don't - so which is it?
    I interpret this as you judging the OP's request for help to be dubious.

    Alternative would be to say ... 'Sorry, I really didn't mean to come across blunt in my response'.

    if you are already struggling mentally and sensitive to the way in which people respond to you then perhaps an internet forum is not the right place for you to seek help.
    Alas true. But I would say it's the insensitivity in the forum posts that's wrong, not the sensitivity of the person.

    I'm glad to have helped you make less judgmental remarks
    • Gary_Dexter
    • By Gary_Dexter 22nd Jul 19, 10:09 PM
    • 5,814 Posts
    • 3,842 Thanks
    You interpret a lot it seems.

    However a dose of truth and reality is what is required here
    • fuzzything
    • By fuzzything 22nd Jul 19, 10:35 PM
    • 62 Posts
    • 34 Thanks
    Only if it helps, surely?
    • Terry Towelling
    • By Terry Towelling 23rd Jul 19, 2:37 PM
    • 1,764 Posts
    • 1,476 Thanks
    Terry Towelling
    Interesting hypocrisy being judged as 'judgemental' - but I do take your point Fuzzything - and you are right that we could all temper our wording sometimes, but, in the end, we're just 'getting on with it'.

    To be clear, I never had any intention to judge and if you read my entire post you will have seen some practical suggestions too. I also don't believe that you interpreted anything as you are stating; I suspect you have thought long and hard about ways in which you could empathise with the OP (which is a good thing, of course) and then thought even harder about the negative connotations you could then spin into our words.

    However you choose to spin things, your interpretation of my words in particular is personal to you (and that's fine) but I have to assure you that it does not reflect my intentions when writing them.

    We are not psychologists or diplomats (well, some of us might be) we are just people making suggestions. One could interpret some of your suggested language as borderline patronising and condescending but I know you wouldn't have written it with any such intent, so I know not to impose that interpretation upon it.

    The 'tone', 'intent' or 'inflection' used by posters is notoriously difficult to interpret. If we have to carry out an in-depth analysis of our wording to cater for those who choose to read what they think is between the lines rather than what is actually on them, we're going to suffer complete paralysis.

    To show you how it works, I've interpreted your latest post

    only if it helps, surely?
    as meaning we should tell lies if the truth is too difficult to handle. You never meant that, of course, but please accept that we all do what we can in the way we can.

    Lastly, I thank you for pointing out the need to be more sensitive and will do my best in the future - please do not interpret that as sarcasm.
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