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  • FIRST POST
    • Buggins
    • By Buggins 25th Jan 18, 7:49 PM
    • 324Posts
    • 243Thanks
    Buggins
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it
    • #1
    • 25th Jan 18, 7:49 PM
    Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it 25th Jan 18 at 7:49 PM
    Just wanted to put this thread on to replace the missing one. Worried that some people who have been following the old thread might really need it sometime and won't get the support they need/want. It has, and still does, help me.
Page 53
    • BucksLady
    • By BucksLady 29th Jan 19, 11:52 AM
    • 539 Posts
    • 1,766 Thanks
    BucksLady
    Hi Sammie, hope all is ok with both you and your little ones
    • daisy 1571
    • By daisy 1571 29th Jan 19, 6:52 PM
    • 486 Posts
    • 5,893 Thanks
    daisy 1571
    Thank you Daisy - just listened to programme and found it very good.
    Originally posted by Buggins
    Youre very welcome buggins

    Daisy xx
    "Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion" Take hold of every moment by anon

    The difference between what you were yesterday and what you will be tomorrow is what you do today
    • wort
    • By wort 1st Feb 19, 3:52 PM
    • 978 Posts
    • 11,645 Thanks
    wort
    Thanks Daisy I'll have a look.
    Hope everyone is well much love xxx
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • Sammie36
    • By Sammie36 1st Feb 19, 9:40 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 129 Thanks
    Sammie36
    Hi everyone.

    Buckslady, thank you for asking after us. It's been a struggle I have to say. I have an assessment with cruise bereavement on Wednesday.

    The children seem ok. Tearful every now and again but generally ok. I can't pick myself up all.

    It's been 18 weeks in a few hours and it still feels like yesterday. I just miss john so much.

    Is it normal to start questioning our relationship and what we had? I seem to have been doing that a lot this week and that's been upsetting in itself.

    Am I going to get through this because at the minute I really can't see it. Just stuck in a pit of darkness.

    Hope everyone is ok. Did many of you get much snow?

    Sam xxxx
    • MrAPJI
    • By MrAPJI 2nd Feb 19, 12:26 PM
    • 100 Posts
    • 1,283 Thanks
    MrAPJI
    Hello Sammie,
    So pleased to hear you will be meeting someone from Cruise next week - sure they will be a great support to you. That feeling of being stuck in a dark tunnel or dark pit is so difficult to deal with. All I can say is that with time it will pass, but it's a very slow and gradual process.

    Not sure that I ever really questioned the relationship which I had with my wife, but I was left with a profound sense of guilt for a couple of reasons. Firstly, that I had survived - really felt that wasn't fair. Secondly, that I hadn't retired earlier. Although I retired at 55, I could have hung up my boots earlier and consequently felt very guilty that I hadn't. However, there's no 'turning back the clock'.....
    No, not too much snow in my neck of the woods - of which I'm very grateful
    • BucksLady
    • By BucksLady 3rd Feb 19, 1:14 PM
    • 539 Posts
    • 1,766 Thanks
    BucksLady
    Hi Sammie, you're bound to be 'up and down' at the moment as it's such early days for you. With time though, you will start to feel a little stronger. Hope your meeting goes well and please let us know how you get on xx
    • Buggins
    • By Buggins 22nd Feb 19, 8:20 AM
    • 324 Posts
    • 243 Thanks
    Buggins
    Good morning all,
    It's very quiet on this thread so hope everyone is ok.
    • wort
    • By wort 25th Feb 19, 7:56 AM
    • 978 Posts
    • 11,645 Thanks
    wort
    Hi Sammie, how did your meeting go?
    I can't say I looked at our relationship, but obviously death brings up lots of questions and scenario s. I very often feel guilty about things and wish I'd done things differently, but this is how most people feel. It's 18 months now since my hubby died and that time has flown, and I still find it hard to get my head round it.
    Many hugs to all that need them X
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • Sammie36
    • By Sammie36 25th Feb 19, 10:22 PM
    • 29 Posts
    • 129 Thanks
    Sammie36
    Hi everyone.

    Hi wort- the meeting was ok. The lady I was seeing upset me to begin with but apart from that it was ok.

    I have been in a very bad place these last few weeks. Don't seem to be able to dig myself out of this black hole.

    How is everyone else?

    Sammie xx
    • wort
    • By wort 11th Mar 19, 5:07 PM
    • 978 Posts
    • 11,645 Thanks
    wort
    Hi Sammie, my meeting with the counsellor made me cry loads each time, but it got it out as I bottled it up In front of family. Which was silly but it was unconsciously done, I knew they would be fine with me crying, but it hard to fall apart when you don't want to upset them!
    Are you going again? If you have no one to talk to and are feeling low you can ring the samaritans. They're there for you anytime, you don't need to be at rock bottom.
    I'm hoping that you feel the love we are sending you xx
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • Buggins
    • By Buggins 1st Apr 19, 7:38 PM
    • 324 Posts
    • 243 Thanks
    Buggins
    Hope everyone is ok?
    • wort
    • By wort 16th May 19, 7:25 PM
    • 978 Posts
    • 11,645 Thanks
    wort
    Hi I'm feeling a bit low at the moment, my brother has died and it that time of year that my hubby became suddenly ill. I feel very tearful and devastated all over again.
    I hope everyone is well and coping ok x
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • iris
    • By iris 17th May 19, 6:32 AM
    • 1,013 Posts
    • 3,398 Thanks
    iris
    So sorry to hear your sad news. Be kind to yourself.
    • crv1963
    • By crv1963 18th May 19, 9:18 AM
    • 978 Posts
    • 2,211 Thanks
    crv1963
    wort- sorry to hear your news. I unexpectedly lost a sibling three weeks ago, it is a very sad time, I wrote but could not deliver the Eulogy, but we tried to celebrate the life, we focused on the happy times and are trying to keep busy!
    CRV1963- Light bulb moment Sept 15- Planning the great escape- aka retirement!
    • sheilavw
    • By sheilavw 18th May 19, 8:54 PM
    • 1,119 Posts
    • 1,683 Thanks
    sheilavw
    So sorry to hear of you both that are suffering your losses xxx
    • wort
    • By wort 20th May 19, 8:48 AM
    • 978 Posts
    • 11,645 Thanks
    wort
    Thank you for your kind words. Crv 1963 - my condolences, I hope you are managing ok xx
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
    • sheilavw
    • By sheilavw 13th Jul 19, 6:52 AM
    • 1,119 Posts
    • 1,683 Thanks
    sheilavw
    Sadly my lovely Husband Mick passed away 3/7 after an eleven and a half month battle with MND. I came home and he had fallen upstairs. I never came to terms with this cruel diagnosis, but hoped that we had much longer together. I am finding it very difficult, I feel lost, but in the same way happy that he didnt get to the final awful stages if that makes sense
    • iris
    • By iris 13th Jul 19, 7:05 AM
    • 1,013 Posts
    • 3,398 Thanks
    iris
    Sadly my lovely Husband Mick passed away 3/7 after an eleven and a half month battle with MND. I came home and he had fallen upstairs. I never came to terms with this cruel diagnosis, but hoped that we had much longer together. I am finding it very difficult, I feel lost, but in the same way happy that he didnt get to the final awful stages if that makes sense
    Originally posted by sheilavw
    So sorry to hear your sad news sheilavw.
    • crv1963
    • By crv1963 13th Jul 19, 8:27 AM
    • 978 Posts
    • 2,211 Thanks
    crv1963
    Sheilavw- so sorry about your news, but yes I understand completely your thought, MND is a cruel illness. Words can't convey sentiment well, but in the darkest times recall the good times and focus on loving the life you have, when the crashing waves of grief engulf you let your past happy memories be your rock to cling to.

    You are in my thoughts at this sad time.
    CRV1963- Light bulb moment Sept 15- Planning the great escape- aka retirement!
    • wort
    • By wort 22nd Jul 19, 7:27 AM
    • 978 Posts
    • 11,645 Thanks
    wort
    My condolences Sheilavw, I'm sure we all agree, sometimes the pain of death for a loved one is better than a prolonged illness. But it's always harder for the one left behind.
    Crv, is correct memories of good times are so important to keep a positive frame of mind, much as I feel cheated by the sudden death of my hubby, I'm glad we got to share 30 wonderful years.
    Look after yourself xx
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
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