Buffy Keeps on the Straight and Narrow

So it has been a pretty stressful week all in all. I don't really feel like much is happening "for me" I am constantly doing for other people. Which isn't true - I think what I mean is.......I don't know really.

Any how the weekend and Monday were spent preparing for Mum's return, she has barely noticed anything has changed, I do think that is what stops me doing things sometimes, I get so sick of slogging my guts out to tidy up an area of the house only to have Mum continue to put crap in it or not even notice how great the change is. You know an acknowledgement that we can sit in the conservatory and not have to have the blinds down all the time would be nice. You only had one path through the crap before she left!! BUT I have to remember she is old now and doesn't remember much. Plus she came home Wed but hasn't been round to see my sister yet and am not sure what that is about.

Then at work lots of people are leaving. I was going to but things here are so complicated here with sis and BIL that I think I may as well stay here and review each half term - I am shopping for them - in part and will do stuff like collect prescriptions and go round to help him get outside in the chair - this is exactly my friends have warned me about. Exactly. And I am bit freaked by it all to be honest. But frankly the man is bedridden, remembers barely anything of the past at all and is always so pleased to see me and so affectionate. He isn't the man who seemed dismissive and contemptuous of me and my family, who was controlling of my sister and rude about most of my plans. It is so hard to get straight my head. Hardest thing I have had to process in a long time. Life is full of some shocking surprises.

Mum hasn't been herself since she came back, made her go to the doctors on Friday. Not overly happy with it all but cannot force her.

Had more to write but dog wants feeding and is getting up set

Buffy

beanielou wrote: »

While I know you want to be there for your sister & BIL please please do not get too sucked in.

Yes.

I think I thought at one point he would be better than he is. And Mum too.

I am going to see a friend and go to a convention in London in a couple of weeks and am planning a beach holiday with another couple of friends.

dinner now xxx

Post dinner and the dogs are asleep.

I really need to find away to be more positive about things. Dinner was nice.

need to check my bank.

XXX

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

Hey Buffy

Obviously I'm not in your situation, but I can completely relate to being stuck in a job that you're struggling to enjoy (with my last Head teacher), and being pulled in every direction for other people and getting very little, if anything, for yourself. I actually had to break before I put myself first, and I don't want you to get to that point, although I fear you might. Please be kind to yourself

I am worried about myself, trouble is there is no where to "break" if you see what I mean. This morning for example I got up checked the dogs - they had had an accident in the crate and one was covered in poo. I gave them a bath and cleared up. I can't just let them out in the garden tho as crazy neighbour is out there. I had stand in the conservatory for a bit whilst they ran around. and then make Mum a cup of tea and sorting out the shower. so immediately my day starts in a stress. Mum has now had a shower so that messes up me having a shower early and having any time to just think.

And work wise, well I will stay there for a bit because although everyone is leaving (!) I generally do quite well with the kids, I can't guarantee results this year they should be better next year. But if they don't sort out the management I will have to go.



But I can't really ever relax. I am sure I will feel better once the fence is up, not being able to escape to sit by the fish pond is a bit of a killer.

And it is 9 o'clock, Mechanic is coming at 12 because he is an absolute hero and then I shall go to the fish shop, that is something for me today. So I had best get on.

beanielou wrote: »

Buffster~~Take this in the spirit it is meant my friend.
Sometimes you just need time to stop & just to breathe & to be. xxx

Yes... you do (been revising Buddhism with my kids!)



Ok so just finishing my tea.

Neighbours were broken into last night, bit scary as they came through our garden.

oops mechanic has just rung, off I go!

xxx