Unhappy rescue cat? Advice
CarbonImage
Posts: 90 Forumite
Hi Guys,
Just posting here for a bit of discussion really, not sure if I'll be able to come to a conclusion based on your responses but I'd like some people to discuss this with as none of my friends have pets!
To give some back story, my partner has always had cats. I was never allowed pets growing up as my dad was a grumpy sod who wouldn't allow it and my mum wasn't hugely bothered either way. I've lived with my partner for 4 years and we bought our first house a year ago. She's wanted a cat since we moved in together and I always said 'when we buy our own place', then when we moved in 'once we're settled'. A couple of months ago I finally had to bite the bullet, so we started looking around resuce centres as we agreed it was nice to give a cat a new lease of life rather than buy a kitten.
Now I should probably say that I'm not against the idea of pets, I love animals and always wanted a pet, but was very wary of the impact it would have on our life. This meant I had quite clear guidelines: must be well trained, have no existing health problems, and be fine with staying indoors or being let out via back door, windows etc. (it would be really awkward to put in a cat flap at our place).
About 6 weeks ago after a couple of months of looking, we saw an advert on one of the cat rescue centre websites for a cat that urgently needed to be rehomed as he didn't get on with the 4 other cats and 4 dogs(!) in the house he was in. He was indoor only (perfect for us, we thought), and only 2 years old so no health problems. However he had originally been rescued from Egypt where he was abused by his owners. We went and met him and the foster family seemed lovely. She cried at the thought of letting him go, but said she knew it was the right thing to do. They then asked if we could take him right then. We said we wanted to think about it, but they insisted that if we wanted him we had to take him that day. This is when alarm bells should have sounded!
We got him back to our place and he seemed to settle in well, relaxing on the sofa with us etc. However he meowed constantly the first night outside our door. We thought letting him in would help as he might want company, however this only quieted him for a few hours before starting up again.
Since that day, he has been developing more and more behaviour problems, namely:
- Peeing everywhere but the litter tray (he used it perfectly for the first week so we know he knows how to)
- Meowing constantly for attention. Particularly when it gets light in the morning as he knows it's breakfast time soon.
- Waiting outside the bathroom and randomly attacking my partner's legs and ankles
- Letting us stroke/scratch him and then suddenly biting us.
He also won't come near us on the sofa anymore, and certainly has never sat on a lap!
We have taken him to a vet who checked for UTIs and other common problems and has confirmed he is perfectly healthy.
We have tried disciplining him with water spray, however he gets very aggressive and seems to hold a grudge, attacking us with claws and teeth for about 24 hours afterwards, so we have stopped doing this.
I have bought feliways, toys, scratching posts, different foods, all sorts.
He seemed to be sitting (and peeing) by the windowsill a lot, so we let him out into the garden which he seemed to enjoy. However he ended up chasing a neighbour's cat into their house and biting the neighbour who is now on antibiotics, so we can't let him out again on his own in good conscience. We have taken him out on a harness since and he seems to enjoy it but it's obviously not the same as being able to wander freely.
The rescue centre have said they are willing to rehome him again and we have asked to be put on their waiting list as it is starting to ruin our relationship, which was not the desired effect!
Has anyone ever had to deal with something like this before, and how did you cope? Do you think he can be 'saved' as it were? We are heartbroken as we wanted to give him a good home and it is just causing us so much stress, at the moment we are having to close all the doors in the house when we go out apart from the kitchen as it's got wipe clean surfaces!
Thanks so much for reading!
Just posting here for a bit of discussion really, not sure if I'll be able to come to a conclusion based on your responses but I'd like some people to discuss this with as none of my friends have pets!
To give some back story, my partner has always had cats. I was never allowed pets growing up as my dad was a grumpy sod who wouldn't allow it and my mum wasn't hugely bothered either way. I've lived with my partner for 4 years and we bought our first house a year ago. She's wanted a cat since we moved in together and I always said 'when we buy our own place', then when we moved in 'once we're settled'. A couple of months ago I finally had to bite the bullet, so we started looking around resuce centres as we agreed it was nice to give a cat a new lease of life rather than buy a kitten.
Now I should probably say that I'm not against the idea of pets, I love animals and always wanted a pet, but was very wary of the impact it would have on our life. This meant I had quite clear guidelines: must be well trained, have no existing health problems, and be fine with staying indoors or being let out via back door, windows etc. (it would be really awkward to put in a cat flap at our place).
About 6 weeks ago after a couple of months of looking, we saw an advert on one of the cat rescue centre websites for a cat that urgently needed to be rehomed as he didn't get on with the 4 other cats and 4 dogs(!) in the house he was in. He was indoor only (perfect for us, we thought), and only 2 years old so no health problems. However he had originally been rescued from Egypt where he was abused by his owners. We went and met him and the foster family seemed lovely. She cried at the thought of letting him go, but said she knew it was the right thing to do. They then asked if we could take him right then. We said we wanted to think about it, but they insisted that if we wanted him we had to take him that day. This is when alarm bells should have sounded!
We got him back to our place and he seemed to settle in well, relaxing on the sofa with us etc. However he meowed constantly the first night outside our door. We thought letting him in would help as he might want company, however this only quieted him for a few hours before starting up again.
Since that day, he has been developing more and more behaviour problems, namely:
- Peeing everywhere but the litter tray (he used it perfectly for the first week so we know he knows how to)
- Meowing constantly for attention. Particularly when it gets light in the morning as he knows it's breakfast time soon.
- Waiting outside the bathroom and randomly attacking my partner's legs and ankles
- Letting us stroke/scratch him and then suddenly biting us.
He also won't come near us on the sofa anymore, and certainly has never sat on a lap!
We have taken him to a vet who checked for UTIs and other common problems and has confirmed he is perfectly healthy.
We have tried disciplining him with water spray, however he gets very aggressive and seems to hold a grudge, attacking us with claws and teeth for about 24 hours afterwards, so we have stopped doing this.
I have bought feliways, toys, scratching posts, different foods, all sorts.
He seemed to be sitting (and peeing) by the windowsill a lot, so we let him out into the garden which he seemed to enjoy. However he ended up chasing a neighbour's cat into their house and biting the neighbour who is now on antibiotics, so we can't let him out again on his own in good conscience. We have taken him out on a harness since and he seems to enjoy it but it's obviously not the same as being able to wander freely.
The rescue centre have said they are willing to rehome him again and we have asked to be put on their waiting list as it is starting to ruin our relationship, which was not the desired effect!
Has anyone ever had to deal with something like this before, and how did you cope? Do you think he can be 'saved' as it were? We are heartbroken as we wanted to give him a good home and it is just causing us so much stress, at the moment we are having to close all the doors in the house when we go out apart from the kitchen as it's got wipe clean surfaces!
Thanks so much for reading!
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Comments
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You sprayed an abused rescue cat with water??
Let him be rehomed, and do a LOT more research before you gt another, if at all.0 -
I understand this isn't a good thing to do. My partner did it out of frustration as he kept attacking her when she was trying to sleep. We've agreed we will try really hard not to react to things like this in future.0
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The attacking is 'playing'. You think the cat is attacking he thinks he is playing. So the cat is trying to interact with you, but he is doing it inappropriately.
We rescued a similar cat. One year old living in a horse stable. Very friendly, but with no manners. I was bitten (drawing blood) three times in the first week. With training and perseverance you can end up with a great, happy cat.
You need to train the cat. First do not play with him using you fingers, or feet. Buy a toy on a long stick and ONLY use this. Also, when he bites do not touch him (he will think you are playing). So NO loudly and then walk away. If he is on your lap stand up so he 'falls' off (do not push or lift him off), so NO and then walk away. Keep doing this. Biting means no interaction, or attention.
At other times when he is calm then play and brush him and give him lots of attention.
Go on YouTube. Look for 'My Cat from Hell'. Watch a few of the episodes and you can see where you are going wrong. He will show how to stop biting, weeing etc and what makes a cat happy.0 -
Peeing outside the litter tray could be stress or perhaps he just does not like the litter you are using.
A cat will go back and pee in the same place because they can smell they peed there. Washing with most cleaners does not actually get rid of the smell. Hot water and vinegar or spray lemon juice in the area(not on the cat!).
Agree with Spider In The Bath, he is seeing your hands and fingers as toys and attacking. As for the crying, well try living with a Burmese they are very very vocal, some cats are.0 -
Re waking you up in the morning Lots of cats do this when it's light early. Mine don't, 4 of them, but they always have dried food down so they are not hungry and they have access to the outdoors so they can go hunting to work of their excess energy.
Try a sharp No when the cat does something you don't like. Cats do not like loud noises. Personally I reward good behaviour so if a cat comes in when called I'll give them a dreamy and an ear tickle.
Re peeing how do you clean up the mess? You need to get rid of the smell otherwise he will keep going on the same spot. Try biological washing powder/ liquid or wash and then rinse with vinegar or bicarbonate solution. Cats have a very good sense of smell. As you are new owners are you sure he is urinating and not spraying, even neutered males spray some times. In which case he might be unsettled.
Chasing the neighbours cat, he is defending his territory. You can buy cat proof fencing https://protectapet.com/cat-fence/ but you could possibly devise your own if you're good at DIY.
Re scratching you after you been stroking him. They do get tired of being stroked you need to learn some cat body language. I tend to let my cats ask to be stroked. They come up and push their head under my hand. One of my cats will only settle on my lap after he has spent several minutes pummelling me with his claws out. It's what kittens do to get the mother cat to feed them. Now I always put a lightweight quilt between m and his claws when he jumps up. A bit if a nusiance at times but we knew he was the runt of the litter when we got him and could have problems. Ten years on and he is the most affectionate cat.
I'd be very wary of a rescue centre which insists you take a cat without giving you time to think. My local rescue centre needs to see how you interact with the cat and then does a house check and if you don't pass you don't get the cat.0 -
Agree with those who have questioned the rescue's attitude - "take him now or not at all" - no reputable rescue would say that as they'd know it would result in bounce-backs. Makes sense for all parties to make sure before matching a cat and new home.
In terms of the litter tray, have you just got the one tray or several? One of my cats has always peed outside of his tray occasionally when he's a bit stressed - annoying but not a dealbreaker for me. Having additional trays for a while (with a couple of different types of litter in) may help.
Feliway works well for some cats for a settling in period but usually takes a couple of weeks at least to take effect.
Definitely agree with the long stick fishing rod type toys only. He sounds like he's bored, and attacking feet etc is just rough play to him rather than aggression I think.
In terms of affection, let him come to you - never approach him to stroke or pick up. Once he has realised that he can just walk away when he'd had enough the biting/scratching etc should stop.0 -
It sounds like you're set on rehoming kitty again, so not sure if advice will help, but...
Indoor cats (especially if they're only pets) need a lot of attention to avoid boredom, and some of his behaviours sound attention-seeking. Attacking ankles is often play aggression - if he was full-on attacking there'd be hissing and you'd struggle to get him off your leg! Scratches/nips are him playing, believe it or not.
We have a cat who is sadly indoor-only (long story), and we have to have a couple of 20 minute play sessions a day or he starts to go a bit nuts. Like yours, ours won't tolerate other cats so we don't have the option of getting him a cell-mate to keep him entertained.
A lot of cats like to be stroked but for a limited time only. The main thing to look out for is their tail starting to flick/twitch - if that happens it means "I'm getting over-stimulated now, time to stop".
Again, thanks to our slightly moody cat, I've learnt about the "fist of friendship" (not as filthy as it sounds :rotfl:) - if your cat is in the habit of swiping at outstretched fingers, move your hand towards him as a fist, slowly and where they can clearly see it, then let them sniff. If they rub against your hand, that's permission to extend fingers and stroke.
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My son's cat woke him every morning by sitting on him and batting him in the face.
He allowed you to stroke him exactly three times - try a fourth stroke and he gripped your hand with his teeth. He did not bite , just gripped.
A sign of affection was to head but you as he stood on your lap.
He may not like where the litter tray is. Is it somewhere secluded so he he can have privacy? Maybe put two or three in different places and see if he prefers one.
He has had a stressful time, from initial abuse to travelling to this country, then living in a household he didn't like. He will be totally stressed out and confused. All the behaviours you list are signs of stress
Don't rush him. Let him settle in. It will take time. Calming products do not give instant results
Keep calm so that your anxiety does not affect him.
Search online for advice on how to help him but ignore ant recommendation to use aggressive techniques
Some cats do not want cuddled and stroked. They are independent creatures.
Remember , cats don't have owners , they have staff.0 -
He allowed you to stroke him exactly three times - try a fourth stroke and he gripped your hand with his teeth. He did not bite , just gripped.
My cat will sometimes go in to bite & scratch mode when giving her belly rubs - As long as I don't pull my hand away, she is very gentle and doesn't draw blood. Pulling the hand away triggers full on attack mode as the hand becomes prey.
By the sounds of it, the OPs cat is lacking stimulation and needs quite a few more toys to play with - Catnip filled mice can provide hours of fun and are not too expensive.Her courage will change the world.
Treasure the moments that you have. Savour them for as long as you can for they will never come back again.0 -
My cat is now 10 years old, we have had him since a kitten.
He has been a complete pain, he started off by attacking my young daughter whenever she walked past. At the time my daughter was only 1 year old and wasn't doing anything. We resolved this by saying 'NO' in a loud voice. He didn't like it but soon realised I wasn't happy.
He then went through a stage of peeing in random places. We changed his litter tray and made sure it was always clean, we also cleaned up the mess. He soon started to use the litter tray again.
He also likes to defend his terrortary, so he is in regular fights. This is something I cannot control as he is outside. If I see them fighting I will go over to them and split them up. But in a way this is what some cats do.
If I keep him in all the time he will get bored and make lots of noise so its better for him to go and play outside.
Has the cat been neutered? saying that mine has but he still fights and sprays. But it may still help.
The thing is you have to give the cat plenty of time to settle. It will take months for it to get use to its new surroundings. Don't spray him with water as it will just cause more issues.
I would also let the cat outside. You will probably find he stops peeing inside and he won't make as much noise as he will hopefully make himself tired. He probably will fight the neighbours cat, but he is just defending his area. They will soon stop.
I wouldn't give up on this little chap just yet. Even though he sounds like a pain (like mine) he deserves a chance.0
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