taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

So today i'm riding the waves and embracing the mixed emotions that come when you part company - however much I thought I had prepared myself its still a bit upsetting , especially if you re count each time you realise you have been hoodwinked and lied too
My F***it Bucket has reached capacity as I continue to plough these thoughts in to it

In money news , I am living on what I bought home from the holiday spends and I confess my only spends to far are for Chardonnay at £6.00 a bottle
This is stopping today !!!

The credit card statement is in this morning and its encouraging to see that the interest payable each month is reducing along with the debt - It will be a slow journey I feel however the card has not been used since December and £1500 has been paid off since that point

15 days until payday !

thank you , it was better then expected however the sisters antics did put a spin on it and I really hope she thinks twice before pulling a stunt like that again - My mum is really not in the health to cope with filling the shoes of mum to three kids ( albeit two olders ) and didn't manage particulary well which had she stopped to think of anyone but herself she would have known - oh well you can't change people however frustrating that is

In money matters , everything is paid this month including some larger DD's then usual as I changed all of the dates to proceed straight from payday

I have 80 euro in my purse left from my holiday however I am going to visit my dad who lives overseas shortly so rather then convert them back to £'s I will hold on to them and use them for that visit

The Ex is still loitering and trying to be my "friend" I am not sure of his motive other an attempt to stop me moving on or that I may forget he is an idiot and decide to forgive and forget AGAIN ( its a tactic that has worked before )

There is another weekend event coming up at the end of the month which is a similar thing to the holiday albeit only 3 uk days - again it is something we were booked to attend together and have lots of mutual friends there.
He is pressing me to still attend and said we were able to "adult" on our holiday then I should still go and enjoy myself , this has been paid for by him and is inclusive of food so my attendance is technically "Free"

I am not sure I can do it all again although there will be friends of mine there ( singles girls not couples which make it easier ) and it will be much easier for me to loose myself

I do not think I will make a choice on that until the last minute - It just feels as though as now the situation is becoming known other people may feel uncomfortable that we are sharing but not "together" - inevitably we move in the same circles and our paths will cross in the future so maybe we should get used to be able to be in the same company without it affecting other people.
on the plus once this is done I am off visiting relatives for a few days so I do not have to entertain any contact and there is no reason for him to make any.

The only thing I appear to be dealing with well right now are my finances !!
Ok , I'm tettering on the brink of my overdraft but I appear to be managing my fuel consumption well , the same can't be said for the attempts not to smoke which did sadly fall apart with the goings on before my holiday , however once the tax free's are gone , the vape will be reinstated and I only need to look back on the activity on this months account to see the difference this makes to my finances - its never to late to try again

I have a trip to the local sports centre this evening for aqua aerobics , its something i have always enjoyed but I do get out the habit of going - I shall also enjoy a sauna and jacuzzi afterwards

Rather embarrassingly part of the reason that I have decided to go is the fact I can enjoy the showers after , Sadly the state of my mums bathroom leaves a lot to be desired ( a big part i hung in with the ex was so I could use the facilities !! ) and I really try to avoid using it where at all possible
I don't know if its her depression , laziness or just how it is but she really doesnt see the problem and to be honest I often wonder if I am adopted as we do not have the same care for our homes. This is something that gets me down considering I now share hers again.
I have considered using my savings to have a complete overhaul and install a new suite which would benefit me , however it would be ruined in no time
A new kitchen was put in only a few months ago and it is only me who ever cleans it !!

I am not quite sure how I am going to get round this one but I have been turning up at my best friends with a wash bag after work too !!

£7.20 for a 12 minute sunbed yesterday - Now i have a bronzed body I intend to keep it , I do hope our sunny days return soon so that I can do this naturally !

Borrowed a camping chair for the festival at the weekend from a friend , I was going to buy one and then realised that this was a silly purchase and that someone somewhere must have one I can loan for a day !
Whilst I was there , I borrowed the shower ! and will do so again when I see my DD tonight

Its ridiculous that I have to do that but I can't see an alternative ..................Gonna have to put some thought in to that one