Help Dire Straits

You are in deep trouble.

You need to wake up as other have said, you are spending money you don't have.

This bit troubles me:-

Our overdraft is at £3600 so with the help of our friend we've opened two new personal accounts with a different bank and then a joint account with another bank. We won't have access to the joint account for a while, she will so that we don't transfer money to our personal accounts.

Your friends is gonig to have access to your new bank account, what is to stop her clearing it out, once you do have money in there?

I agree with everything others have said, eyes/ dogs/ phones/ cars/ insurances etc all need a major overhaul, and this 'other expenses' of you and your husband, need a deep deep look into, what the heck is it all for?

Take pack up lunches.

You need serious help, or you are going to loose your house.

I think this is one of more urgently worrying threads that has been started around here recently.

OP, why do you need a friend to take this level of control? Its quite unusual and really its better if you get a grip on your situation yourselves. Learn to control yourselves not have someone do it for you. This is in no way a criticism of the friend who seems willing to go above and beyond to help you.

It seems like you have used spending and 'living for today' because you've had a difficult time emotionally and whilst sympathetic to that, the solutions are really the same for everyone. If you don't take control back of your finances and behave less recklessly, the consequences are quite serious. You have let priority items go unpaid but are defensive and protective of your personal allowances which are huge - this perhaps suggest your lightbulb is not glowing as brightly as it needs to yet.

Hope you manage to start tackling this quickly and with a clear head and whilst no answer needed, would it be better if your partner took more control for a while? Although he appears to have a fairly modest income but with quite high personal spending habits as well.

A really urgent situation with a lot to address - the folks here are brilliant and I do hope you are fully ready to get cracking.

I am sorry for what you have been through and its great that you are acknowledging there is a problem and that you cant continue like this.

I'm fairly new to this so can only say whats worked for me up to now but I would go through every item on your SOA systematically one by one and see where you can shave off money on every item. A lot of your figures are quite high so it shouldnt be that hard to make some savings. Look hard at whether you NEED things or just WANT them - Eg I wear glasses rather than contacts as the upkeep is just too much money. I much prefer lenses but it's about priorities. Ditto haircuts etc - I have them less often or look at cheaper alternatives like local colleges or people wanting a model.

Your personal budget looks massive but looks like your including a lot of things like petrol in there which is skewing the figures. As others have suggested a spending diary would help break this down so you would have a better ides of what is reasonable.

I understand we are all different but there's five of us and my figures are not half of what yours are. Food is a fairly easy target to cut down - can you meal plan, shop to a list etc, shop around for offers? Loads of ideas on here.

Speak to your OH about taking lunch rather than buying it - that could be a massive saving. A few pounds here and there really adds up (i nearly had a heart attack when I added up how much I was spending yearly on the odd Visit to the bakery - and how many hours i would have to work to fund it!)

Lastly have a good look round for things to sell. Its amazing what people will buy on eb@y or local selling sites.

NB I would also double check with council tax if theyve not acknowledged your e mail. I know what you're saying about using phones as I'm the same but just because you've told them what you're planning to do it doesnt necessarily mean theyve agreed if you have nothing to confirm.

Have read and didn't want to leave without commenting.

I found downloading a spending app on my mobile really helped. I put every penny I spend into it and it helps see where my money is going. I have a budget of £270pm for food, public transport travel, clothes, hair, gifts, anything really. I struggle and go over it, but it keeps me more on track.

Counselling has helped me greatly with processing my feelings. I haven't experienced what you have, but I couldn't not suggest the option of bereavement counselling for your loss x

Hi I just wanted to say hi and well done for starting to take the first steps. You've got some ideas about ways you can bring your expendite down. I echo what everyone has said. You really need to count every penny you spend so you can see where you can cut back. I would imagine by scrutinising your personal spends you can cut back enough to meet your living expenses.

Food is an easy way to cut back if you are spending £420 pcm you should be able to save £150-200

good luck