breakup advice please
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triffle
Posts: 15 Forumite
I have decided to split from my partner of 20+ years. Over this time he has had mental health issues and is heavily dependent on alcohol. Although he has never physically hurt me I have been verbally abused for many years and have finally found the strength to enough.
My problem is that we have a mortgage together although he hasn't worked or contributed in about 10 years and received no benefits. I have paid for everything and supported him. He is saying he needs to get better before he'll move out. Can I force the issue? I am waiting on a solicitor appointment at the moment but has anyone else been through a similar situation and can offer some advice?
My problem is that we have a mortgage together although he hasn't worked or contributed in about 10 years and received no benefits. I have paid for everything and supported him. He is saying he needs to get better before he'll move out. Can I force the issue? I am waiting on a solicitor appointment at the moment but has anyone else been through a similar situation and can offer some advice?
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Comments
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I believe If he is on the deeds, it's his house too and can stay there.0
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Yes, as regards the house he may be entitled to a share - even a half share - but the freeloading, he is NOT.
There is a solution, OP, but you will have to believe in it for it to work.
If the relationship is dead YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM.
That means: no buying food for him, no paying bills for him, no ANYTHING. And get a solicitor to send him a letter saying, unless he contributes half for utilities/rentals etc, legal action will be taken.
Once the free bailouts stop, he will soon get his act together!
If, and only if, you stop enabling his behaviour, you can have the proper conversation about selling the house and going your separate ways.
Otherwise, prepare yourself for decades more of the same.
I wish you well (having been there, done that)0 -
Thanks Mademoiselle. Good to see someone on the other side0
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mademoiselle wrote: »Yes, as regards the house he may be entitled to a share - even a half share - but the freeloading, he is NOT.
There is a solution, OP, but you will have to believe in it for it to work.
If the relationship is dead YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM.
That means: no buying food for him, no paying bills for him, no ANYTHING. And get a solicitor to send him a letter saying, unless he contributes half for utilities/rentals etc, legal action will be taken.
Once the free bailouts stop, he will soon get his act together!
If, and only if, you stop enabling his behaviour, you can have the proper conversation about selling the house and going your separate ways.
Otherwise, prepare yourself for decades more of the same.
I wish you well (having been there, done that)
Be careful with this advice OP. If you only pay for half of the bills your credit rating could take a hit because let's face it, he isn't going to contribute.
I wonder if the sexes were reversed and the wife hadn't worked for years, would the same advice be given?0 -
mademoiselle wrote: »Yes, as regards the house he may be entitled to a share - even a half share - but the freeloading, he is NOT.
There is a solution, OP, but you will have to believe in it for it to work.
If the relationship is dead YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIM.
That means: no buying food for him, no paying bills for him, no ANYTHING. And get a solicitor to send him a letter saying, unless he contributes half for utilities/rentals etc, legal action will be taken.
Once the free bailouts stop, he will soon get his act together!
If, and only if, you stop enabling his behaviour, you can have the proper conversation about selling the house and going your separate ways.
Otherwise, prepare yourself for decades more of the same.
I wish you well (having been there, done that)
Just curious, what legal action?0 -
Having taken legal advice I was surprised to learn that as he hasn't contributed financially for around 10 years he isn't automatically entitled to anything. The solicitor suggested a token sum to help him get started elsewhere and encourage him to sign. They also advised to make sure it wasn't above the threshold so he would still be entitled to benefits.
All a very sad situation but best for both of us in the long run hopefully.
To anyone out there in the same situation, I wish you well and be strong.0 -
If the wife was a total layabout who did nothing, not even contributing to chores, upkeep of household or kids then i expect it would be the same advice., however, if the wife, didnt work, didnt collect benefits but had kept a super house, looked after the children and provided hot meals for the family then i expect she would treated in a manner as someone who had contributed towards house and its upkeep and helping maintain/ease spouses career.davidwood123 wrote: »Be careful with this advice OP. If you only pay for half of the bills your credit rating could take a hit because let's face it, he isn't going to contribute.
I wonder if the sexes were reversed and the wife hadn't worked for years, would the same advice be given?
I think each case has to be looked at individually, whats right for one will certainly not be right for another.,Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.If it walks like a Duck, quacks like a Duck, it's a Duck.0 -
Are you married?
Assuming as you describe him as you partner, that you are not, thne the starting point is waht it says on the deeds. The you own as joint tenants, he is entitled to 50% of the equity, unless you andhe agree a diferent proportion.
However, if you can't agree, and went to court, you can invite a court to make a different finding - in effect, you would be asking a court to infer that there was, at some point, an express or implied agreement between the two of you that you would pay the mortgage ans at you would get a bigger share of the house as a result. It is not a foregone conclusion, but a court is entitled to look at how you have both acted.
Ideally, of course you an he agree on terms - it may be that this would involve you paying him a lump sum large enough to over a deposit and 6 months rent up front, so he could establish himself in a rented property, and hopefully by the time the first 6 months are up he will either have sorted himself out with a job and or benefits claim, and will be able to pay rent, or he wont't, but by that time he is no loner your problem.
as others have said, don't stop paying bills or mortgage in the mean time as this will impact on your credit record, but do stop paying for anything which is in his sole name.All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)0
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