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    • BeenieCat
    • By BeenieCat 15th Feb 10, 2:13 AM
    • 6,446 Posts
    • 25,393 Thanks
    • #2
    • 15th Feb 10, 2:13 AM
    • #2
    • 15th Feb 10, 2:13 AM
    I've always been open because i have nothing to hide.

    My ex was sneaky with his phone, and that made me go spying through his texts to find that he's a dirty rat bag

    Is this related to your other thread?

    • piglet6
    • By piglet6 15th Feb 10, 2:29 AM
    • 1,508 Posts
    • 5,621 Thanks
    • #3
    • 15th Feb 10, 2:29 AM
    • #3
    • 15th Feb 10, 2:29 AM
    I make and receive calls in front of Mr P, and the same goes for texts. If my phone beeps the arrival of a text and he is closer to the phone than I am, I often ask him to look and tell me who the text is from. If he opens it and reads it, I sometimes joke that I don't want him reading my texts, but we both know that I don't really mind - I don't receive anything in a text that I wouldn't be happy for him to read and he is the same with his phone.

    That's not to say that we are completely "in each other's pocket" - we both have our own friends (including friends of the opposite sex who are just that...friends...nothing "dodgy" and nothing that needs hiding from each other). I sign off all my texts/e-mails (male/female) with my initial and a "x", but that is standard for me, and not indicative that anything inappropriate is happening... (I also sign cards "lots of love" - it doesn't necessarily mean that I am trying to instigate inappropriate behaviour with other people!).

    We've been together forever (well, since 1992, which is now coming up to half our lives!). In a trusting relationship, I don't see why I would need to be possessive about my mobile phone.


    P.S. I am the same with my e-mails - I have my own e-mail account and I don't invite Mr P to read through my e-mails on a regular basis, but they are on Outlook on our computer (and he knows all my passwords anyway!) so if he did, there would be nothing to find that I would be worried about him seeing...!
    SW - 29½lbs lost in 2017...
  • omen666
    • #4
    • 15th Feb 10, 2:38 AM
    • #4
    • 15th Feb 10, 2:38 AM
    I have always been open nothing to hide at all. She would go through miine too when I was asleep as well. Thing is when I thought she was upto something she would not reciprocrate, asked to use her phone one day when my battery went and saw a new message arrive from a geezer who I hated and knew she hated so why the 'comfy' text. Needless to say I found out a few wees ago she had hooked up with him good riddance
    • *Louise*
    • By *Louise* 15th Feb 10, 2:41 AM
    • 9,071 Posts
    • 28,153 Thanks
    • #5
    • 15th Feb 10, 2:41 AM
    • #5
    • 15th Feb 10, 2:41 AM
    If I was possesive about my phone he would have every right to suspect I was up to something.

    I'm not, so I don't care if he goes through every message and call history, I have nothing to hide
    Cross Stitch Cafe member No. 3
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  • torikate
    • #6
    • 15th Feb 10, 2:56 AM
    • #6
    • 15th Feb 10, 2:56 AM
    I have no problem with being in the room with my OH if my phone rings. The only time I go out of the room to take it is if it's my Nan as he tries to make me laugh when I talk to her or if it's a certain close friend as he doesn't like her Texts on my phone he is welcome to read but new texts I have to read as they can sometimes be work related (and some of the info sent through is confidential!) I dont have anything to hide and me phone is always around if he wants to pick it up and look! Same goes for his.
    Tori xXx
    Total Debt start June 09 £11,083.03
    Current debt £1,200
    To dare is to do....COYS

    • neneromanova
    • By neneromanova 15th Feb 10, 7:56 AM
    • 2,950 Posts
    • 6,918 Thanks
    • #7
    • 15th Feb 10, 7:56 AM
    • #7
    • 15th Feb 10, 7:56 AM
    Well before I dropped my phone down the bog I didn't mind if my OH saw or read my phone. My ex too was VERY sneaky with his phone recieving as he had pictures of thoer women naked on there. My current OH doesn't mind me looking at his phone, just to let him know if he gets a text or email as it's his work phone too.
    DD1 Born 31st March 2008
    DD2 Born 29th August 2010
    DS1 Born 28th October 2013
    Got Married 15th September 2012 Now Mrs Clark

    • angela110660
    • By angela110660 15th Feb 10, 8:06 AM
    • 800 Posts
    • 2,094 Thanks
    • #8
    • 15th Feb 10, 8:06 AM
    • #8
    • 15th Feb 10, 8:06 AM
    couple of days ago - hubby's phone jangled for email arriving - I looked at it and my eldest DS nearly had a fit - what was I doing?? I told him dad will look at my phone if it jangles and I do the same - nothing to hide. DS was speechless though and it made me chuckle. BTW DS makes sure his phone never leaves his side - goodness knows why.
    Free films - 2009: saw 7 films. 2010 saw 7 films. 2011 saw 7 films. 2012 saw 5 films;2013 saw 7 films; 2014 and 2015 saw 1 in each. Nothing since!
  • Glamazon
    • #9
    • 15th Feb 10, 8:37 AM
    • #9
    • 15th Feb 10, 8:37 AM
    Well before I dropped my phone down the bog I didn't mind if my OH saw or read my phone. My ex too was VERY sneaky with his phone recieving as he had pictures of thoer women naked on there. My current OH doesn't mind me looking at his phone, just to let him know if he gets a text or email as it's his work phone too.
    Originally posted by neneromanova
    I dropped mine down the loo the other week as well!
    It still works though!

    Both OH and I would think we were trying to hide something if we got possessive about our phones - true they do tend to go eveywhere with us but whoever is nearer picks it up and reads a text out loud.
    A very busy Yummy Mummy to a 1 year old gorgeous boy

    Where does the time go?
    • kindofagilr
    • By kindofagilr 15th Feb 10, 8:37 AM
    • 6,721 Posts
    • 22,821 Thanks
    No I am not possesive, I have nothing to hide from OH at all
    Current Debt £38,709.88/£44,856.56 ~ 13/06/19 - 13.70% Paid Off

    POAMAYC 2019 #87 £6582.44
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    POAMAYC 2016 #87 £7454.80

    Mortgage (Start Date 01/04/09 ~ 30 year term, due to end 01/07/39)
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    My Debt Free Diary (Link)
    • bestpud
    • By bestpud 15th Feb 10, 8:46 AM
    • 10,491 Posts
    • 21,313 Thanks
    I don't think it's right to go through someone else's phone or email.

    It's ok with permission and/or if asked, but otherwise it is snooping and I'd be annoyed about it.

    My ex used to think this sort of thing was ok and anyone who objects has something to hide.

    Well, no, in my book, anyone who objects simply values the right for privacy and has respect for others' personal space. Anyone who argues it is their right, or the partner has something to hide, is simply justifying their nosiness.

    That said, I can kind of see the point if you suspect something is going on - strongly suspect that is. Doesn't make it right but I can see why people do.
  • wontfallforit
    I have nothing to hide, but I'm quite personal with my phone. My OH wouldn't even dream of answering it when I leave it unattended (which is actually quite annoying, as I've missed several calls!). It's got to the point where he'll 'compromise' and answer it, if it's my family calling!

    Our phones are totally accessible to each other, but we still just 'don't go there'.
    £1 / 50p 2011 holiday flight + hotel expenses = £98.50600
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    • Mimi Arc en ciel
    • By Mimi Arc en ciel 15th Feb 10, 9:18 AM
    • 4,567 Posts
    • 5,871 Thanks
    Mimi Arc en ciel
    My OH someimes answers my mobilee but i'd break his fingers if he went reading my texts and emails lol I cant have him reading my moans to the girls about him lol He's possessive of his phone too in the same way (but then he cheated so . . )
    Very proud mummy of 2!
    Barclaycard - £2863.80 £2564.05 | Fluid - £1069.20 | MBNA - £4973.48 | M&S - £1105.30 £1077.63
    • Hermia
    • By Hermia 15th Feb 10, 9:24 AM
    • 4,290 Posts
    • 12,509 Thanks
    I don't think it's right to go through someone else's phone or email.

    It's ok with permission and/or if asked, but otherwise it is snooping and I'd be annoyed about it.

    My ex used to think this sort of thing was ok and anyone who objects has something to hide.
    Originally posted by bestpud
    I also would be VERY annoyed about it, especially as I have never cheated on anyone in my life. I have never given anyone my email passwords. One of the reasons I would not allow someone access to my emails is because I want to respect my friends privacy. If a friend sends me an email about a personal problem I assume she would not want my boyfriend to see it! I have friends I don't like sending emails to because I know they allow their partners to read them.

    I don't like anyone touching my phone not because I have anything to hide, but because it's an iPhone and I don't trust anyone not to drop it!
    • PrincessPlaty
    • By PrincessPlaty 15th Feb 10, 9:29 AM
    • 1,891 Posts
    • 18,784 Thanks
    Not being possessive doesnt always mean they dont have anything to hide.

    My ex actually asked me to log in to his facebook account one night to send a message to his brother for him, up popped a chat box where he had been having convo with my now ex best friend with them telling them they loved each other

    He adamantly denied everything despite her admitting it

    He often gave me his phone to put in my bag or told me to answer it or read texts etc.

    Needless to say he was kicked out the door pretty damn sharpish
    • peachyprice
    • By peachyprice 15th Feb 10, 9:59 AM
    • 20,515 Posts
    • 47,629 Thanks
    Neither me or my OH are possessive about our phones, they're both left lying around. However, we don't answer each others if they ring, mainly because we both receive business calls on them. We only read each others text if we're asked to.

    It's a kind of unspoken rule that we respect each others privacy enough not to answer/read, a bit like not opening each others letters.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
  • Joelleski
    I often answer OH's mobile if he can't get to it, or see who the message is from - and he does the same with mine. I don't feel possessive at all about the mobile, afterall, we share everything, and as others have said, we have nothing to hide. Same goes for any post that comes through the front door (although if it's a parcel, and it's coming up to Christmas/birthdays, I am more cautious then! ) - it's whoever gets to the post first, although hubby usually leaves it to me to deal with it!
    • paddy's mum
    • By paddy's mum 15th Feb 10, 10:33 AM
    • 3,824 Posts
    • 13,687 Thanks
    paddy's mum
    I'm only possessive of my right to basic privacy. The method of contacting me doesn't come into it. It's the intrusion that would be the problem. It's only in my lifetime that women have had property and divorce rights in law so yes, I'm quite fierce about it.

    I'd be furious if my hubby had a little nosey round my phone without my express permission. Saying to him that Aunty Edna sent a picture postcard from Skegness and it's there on the coffee table if you want to look is a long way from him daring to pick up and read my letters. I'd be astounded and very angry if he mentioned to me later something that he had picked up from my emails.

    I have nothing to hide but if there is something he ought to know about (hospital appointment, the next vet appointment) I'll tell him myself. The state of Aunty Edna's piles is not a vital thing for him to know. I consider myself adult enough to be trusted to behave responsibly so there is no reason for anyone to be checking up on my doings.

    My handbag is also sacrosanct and heaven help the husband or child who goes rooting in there - they're liable to find said handbag smacking them around the ear!
    • euronorris
    • By euronorris 15th Feb 10, 10:46 AM
    • 10,489 Posts
    • 49,383 Thanks
    I'm not possessive over my phone, but I do expect my OH to respect mine and my friends/families privacy at times.

    Mostly, I couldn't care less if he picked up a call or read a text. I sometimes ask him too. But, I also get calls and texts from friends/family that are very personal to them. So, to respect their privacy, I will leave the room for a phone call of that sort. My OH understands and he sometimes has calls like that with his brother.

    Not everyone who is possessive of their phone has something to hide. Some are just private people.

    But, if someone acted suspiciously EVERY time the phone went, well.....that would be ringing serious alarm bells, as a cheater never knows when a call or a text will come through from another woman/man, so they are always on edge.

    Why the question OP? Are you like this and receiving grief for it, or is your OH and you're concerned/supsicious?
    • Lotus-eater
    • By Lotus-eater 15th Feb 10, 10:48 AM
    • 10,426 Posts
    • 23,111 Thanks
    There's possessive and possessive.
    Keeping your phone with you every waking hour and then next to you when you sleep, not letting anyone even touch it, would have my relationship senses off the scale. I know because I've been there. If ever someones usage of a phone suddenly changes and becomes more secret, then you know something is going on.
    Leaving it around but not wanting someone else to answer it, or go into it, can be pretty normal.
    Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.
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