Can't afford a baby :'-(
Comments
-
EndofTether wrote: »Basically, I did the maths and we would need to find £200 every month for the first 3 years of our future child's life just to cover rent, bills and childcare
Is that allowing for the £20.70 a week child benefit you would get and the free childcare provided ?
https://www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/free-childcare-and-education-for-2-to-4-year-olds0 -
Thankyou Amara.Yes, there is no need to get judgemental - things are obviously far from ideal and I am trying my best to figure things out. No need to paint me as a wicked step mother.
I have calculated £20 pw from child benefit into my sums.
Thankyou for the maternity pay clarification - Spadoosh, where do you get those figures? Is that standard? EDIT: (Did a quick google). Thanks, I never knew that before. Thought it was a flat rate throughout.0 -
What solutions does your fiance offer to this situation?
He's terrified of ex wife's family - they are rough and have threatened him before. He is under the impression she would never agree to any private agreement. From what I know she believes it's her god given right to live in a big house that he pays for. Maybe she will soften with time, who knows.
I find it really frustrating that she is living in the lap of luxury and we are always totally broke. Since he moved out she has bought new furniture, TVs, re-turfed the lawn (who even does that?!) and admitted she puts the whole £250 CSA in a savings account and doesn't touch it!!! The unfairness is infuriating. I could lose out on having a baby because he is providing her with a lavish lifestyle.
Every time I talk to him about it he changes the subject. He has promised to talk to his parents and get some independent legal advice but he is yet to do it...0 -
Without sounding too mean, your unhappy about a situation youre choosing to be in.
I see options. where as i get the impression you just see problems.
Ok hes been pushed around and got the raw end of the deal by the sound sof it with the ex. Shes got his kids. It usually makes someone a lot more easy to get round to your way of thinking.
So you either need to accept that money is gone and will always be or it sounds like you need to look in to matters yourself to see if you can work out a way of changing things.
From that if you choose the accepting the money is gone route. The next option is looking to get either more money coming in or less money going out.
You criticised retail management before yet my OH works in retail management and earns considerably more than your OH (about 25% more). So there was options in that. I doubt those options are as forthcoming in a call centre.
The easiest way to make money legitimately is working. 6 hrs at minimum wage gives you nearly £200 per month. Thats a bar job, carer job (zero hours) all easily available.
Saving money is more difficult. Its about saving bits off each expense. My go to is always cars. After rent/mortgage its usually the most expensive things that isnt completely necessary.
Its all well and good abstaining yourself from blame but it doesnt solve anything. In fact the only thing i can see you doing is creating tension and animosity with the relationship between father and his kids and i cant imagine that will end well.
I want big mansion. And a go kart track. I could say its unfair, im not rich, my OH stops it because she spends £80 at the hairdressers every month. But then i could equally say, well i dont do anything about it (like trying to earn more) or do the same thing by having a sky sport subscription to watch f1 so its equally my fault and as such its pretty daft complaining about it. Because the only thing i have the power to do, im not.0 -
Are you sure he actually wants to have a baby with you and isn't just using this as a delay tactic?EndofTether wrote: »
Every time I talk to him about it he changes the subject. He has promised to talk to his parents and get some independent legal advice but he is yet to do it...0 -
Yes - it was his idea! He is a super paternal guy and loves children. He had to talk me into the idea. !!!!!!, I came here asking for help, not judgement.0
-
EndofTether wrote: »Yes - it was his idea! He is a super paternal guy and loves children. He had to talk me into the idea. !!!!!!, I came here asking for help, not judgement.
Im not trying to judge, im trying to offer perspective.
You find a way of affording a baby if you want one. If you say you cant afford one, id argue you want one less than the other things than you are willing to pay for.
as an example, the wedding whilst it s only a registry office its still going to be a month or two worth of baby fund. Its not a neccessary requirement for having a baby. You sack that off youre a few months closer to affording a baby. You work 70 hour weeks for 6 months and youve practically paid for the first two years.
If you dont want to do those things its not you cant afford a baby, its just you want one less than the things you do want to do.0 -
They will be when you marry!EndofTether wrote: »#
Yes - but they are not MY family. We want to start OUR own family.0 -
Jesus Christ. I meant it literally as in they are not my blood so I will never be able to exercise my full maternal instinct with them. Is that more clear?!0
-
Spadoosh - I totally agree, and you're right. However, we don't splash the cash. We never go out, we food shop in Lidl, we don't have credit cards or anything fancy. We have basic phones. We are not materialistic people. But yes, realistically I am just going to have to save up as much as possible and pay for my maternity leave out of my own savings and just make it work for myself.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 343.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 449.7K Spending & Discounts
- 235.2K Work, Benefits & Business
- 607.9K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 173K Life & Family
- 247.8K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards