Playdate ettiquette

gayleygoo wrote: »

I would expect quite a bit of mess at a playdate for 3yos. I'm quite a laid back parent, so to an extent I am happy to let children make the mess for a while, and tidy at the end (really no point doing it during play!) Relax and natter However I'd try to discourage really disruptive behaviour, and would make sure everything was tidied up before I left the person's house, not just leave it all for the other parent to deal with. If the playdate is at your house, maybe you could start tidy-up time with a song, giving warnings 10, 5 and 1 minute before, and get all the children involved in putting things away. (For me, I wouldn't expect it all to be perfect at the end, just that the children get used to the idea of tidying after play.)

A few weeks ago we had friends turn up with their children. I was exhausted from dealing with my 10 day old baby and 2 older children. Friends' children were only here half an hour and they were like torandoes. They emptied the pencil pots and bookcase in DD's room, pulled out all the dressing up clothes, paper out of the printer, even clothes out of drawers. Underbed storage box of lego was emptied on the floor. They hit and kicked our pets. At no point did the parents intervene, maybe we should have said something but I had no idea what! Our children were upset at the mess done to their rooms, so we've agreed that next time they come, they stay out of the bedrooms and away from the bunnies.

It's okay to be more assertive too. Don't miss out on things you've already planned, and let her know beforehand that you'll have to leave at such 'o' clock to go somewhere.

A batch of homemade playdough, glitter and biscuit cutters can keep small children occupied for ages. If you have that, or another half-organised activity for them to do, it might mean slightly fewer toys to tidy away later!

vroombroom wrote: »

Wow. What did you say? Any child who hit or kicked my pets would be straight out the door.

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

..and if any visiting child hurt or kicked one of my pets, that's be their very last visit too.

Unbelievable.

GracieP wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies, it's certainly all food for thought. I met this woman at toddler group yesterday and she was pushing very hard for another invite, suggesting we should do it 2 or 3 times a week. I suggested meeting at the park/softplay but she only wanted to come to my house. So I suggested a morning visit next week but she didn't want to have to come early when i said I'd be doing something later in the day so wasn't available later she said she'd prefer not to come on a day where I want to do something else in the afternoon so that she could relax and not have a time that she had to leave by. I said I pretty much always have something to do in the afternoons, I'm divorced with full custody and I work from home at night when my son is asleep. Mornings are when I socialise with friends, in the afternoon I walk the dog and visit family. My son and my father are very, very close and as my parents live nearby I normally pop in to them for tea or we do a combined dog walk, or my mum and I go shopping together with my son. I like my routine, it keeps me sane and assures that my son has a healthy male influence as a regular part of his life. While I'm not rigid and I'll change my routine on occasion I don't feel I can do things the way she wants.

It's a pity, her son is a lovely little boy and he and my son really do appear to be striking up a nice friendship. The woman herself is perfectly nice too and I'd love it if we became friends too. But right now I have the impression that she has formed a picture in her head of how we should be interacting and doesn't want to deviate from that even though the specifics don't work for me.
She doesn't seem to want to compromise and meet in other places, she just wants to come to my house several days a week and stay for the whole day each time.