Money Moral Dilemma: Should we stop splitting the bill?

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  • The easiest and least confrontational way around this is to choose a set meal type restaurant (like an all you can eat buffet or lunch-for-£7 type affair) - that way the bill will split itself fairly automatically. If drinks are included you can quite politely say when you first order "shall we just get our own drinks at the bar as we want them so we don't waste anything?"

    That's what I thought a few years back when our uni ski club went out for Xmas dinner. Myself and my good friend were social secretaries and we had chosen a set meal, so there could be no arguements about paying up the right amount. There were 60 of us, so a large group. We agreed the previous week that all drinks would be paid for at the time of ordering.

    This went out the window on the actual evening and most people left their £25 and moved onto the next bar before we had even got the bill. When it came we were over £300 short, with just my friend and I and the club chairman left to deal with the situation. As students, myself & my friend were totally unable to cover this. It was a nightmare, with the restaurant threatening to call the police! In the end, the chairman paid using the club's slush fund. I was so angry I nearly had a heart attack, I can tell you.

    Life lesson - never be responsible for other people when it comes to money, whatever the situation.
    The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
  • jamespir
    jamespir Posts: 21,456 Forumite
    id say something but be nice about it
    Replies to posts are always welcome, If I have made a mistake in the post, I am human, tell me nicely and it will be corrected. If your reply cannot be nice, has an underlying issue, or you believe that you are God, please post in another forum. Thank you
  • Sounds as though your friends are taking advantage of your friendship. Suggest you politely suggest that in these difficult times, each should pay what they order.
  • This sounds pretty outrageous, but I completely understand why you have been paying well over your share.

    I was brought up not to talk about money in that way and to always be generous. So infact in my country of origin, people fight over the priviledge of paying all the bill. The reality is I can't really afford to pay the whole bill, but that is what is expected.

    Having said that I have lived in the UK since I was 5, and am completely British, so in this country I try and split bills, but usually end up paying more than my share because I don't drink.

    But recently I went out to eat with some friends who are very well off, first of all the restaurant they chose was over my usual budget. Second of all they came with their partners, so there were 2 couples and then me with my 6 year old daughter. They all had starters and mains and alcoholic drinks, I had a main and a diet coke and my daughter had a children's meal and drink. I had bought a large M&S chocolate cake as it was a couple of their birthdays, which we all had for dessert. During the meal we discussed an operation that one man needed but was on the NHS waiting list, another friend asked how much it would cost privately to which the man replied £12,000., the friend laughed and said 'I expect you've got twice that amount sitting in your current account right now!' The man's partner asked her how she knew, and they all joked about knowing each other that well. They are all very well off, I am not! When the bill came the others all agreed that the easiest thing would be for each of us to pay a third - ie each couple to pay a third, but I wasn't in a couple I was with my small child eating a kids meal and a main and nonalcoholic drinks, plus I had already saved them money for dessert by buying a £12.00 cake. I was outraged but too embarrassed to call them on it, so I was seriously short changed, I haven't gone out with them since, and I will probably make an excuse next time.

    I totally get how difficult it is to challenge friends about this sort of thing, but I am constantly upset that these friends of mine don't care enough about my welfare, despite knowing I work for a charity and am very much their 'poor' friend. That they care so little, wish I had the guts to challenge them.
  • oldtrout
    oldtrout Posts: 129
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    It really isn't fair. However, you are allowing them to get away with it and presumably they will continue being unfair for as long as you let them.

    I would explain that the next time you eat out, you would be in a position to pay only for what YOU actually have, and they would have to pay for their own.
  • redglass_2
    redglass_2 Posts: 771 Forumite
    If it happens every time, and to that extent, then they are not playing fair. It sounds as if they are economising at your expense and yet you end up feeling selfconscious and anxious in case you are being mean. I would stop splitting and tell them why (you don't have to be nasty about it, just say you are trying to cut back but you don't want to cramp their style). Or you could play them at their own game: order lots of expensive nosh, put most of it in doggie bags and see how they like that. They might start looking round for less expensive company. Depends how much you want to keep up the friendship.
    'Whatever you dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin now.' Goethe



  • To be honest, I avoid going out in groups where bills are going to be split as I've also been left shortchanged every time. Money's always been tight for me, and I won a secret scholarship to a private school, so even going to lunch every day was too much for me as the others just had no idea I wasn't able to afford the extravagence they took for granted. On the rare occasion, a special occasion like end of term or a proper friend's party, I'd save up and go along, and the bills were always insane. I remember we went to a Chinese place on Queensway in London and one girl ordered a £30 lobster noodle dish and I almost died!! I just made do with a special fried rice.

    I would only pay for what I had now though. I can barely afford to pay for myself, certainly not able to subsidise others.
  • BYLSW
    BYLSW Posts: 2 Newbie
    When we go out with friends we either pay our own bills unless we go somewhere that has a set price. It is always best to make sure you understand the arrangements before you go. It is usually those who do not feel the need to look after the pennies who offer to split the bill, probably because they either do not have to think about money or because they have the attitude of pay now worry later. If they are real friends they will not be offended.
  • qetu1357
    qetu1357 Posts: 1,013
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    MSE_Lee wrote: »
    This is a real life MMD so please bear in mind the MoneySaver in question will read your responses:


    Please give this MoneySaver the benefit of your advice...
    Should we stop splitting the bill?

    We regularly eat out with another couple and split the bill. While my wife and I stick to one main each, they order two each and enough sides to feed an extra table adding £30 to the tab. Yet they never eat it all and always ask for a doggy bag for leftovers. I feel like I'm subsidising their food shop.


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    Next time you should order THREE mains each and twice as many sides as them:D

    Losing friends is easy, getting new ones can be hard.

    Half the time when people are being unreasonable they don't realise they are.

    Approach the more reasonable one and just say that you can't really afford to pay half as and could the bill be split fairly.
  • warehouse
    warehouse Posts: 3,362
    I've been Money Tipped!
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    To allow this to continue would be a mistake, you must draw a line in the sand next time you go out. You will then discover if these are friends or !!!!!!!!!!s.

    Before you order, make it clear that you will only be paying for what you eat and drink, no more split bills. They will react in one of two ways:

    No problems, carry on as normal = friends
    An atmosphere at dinner and suddenly order single mains = !!!!!!!!!!s

    Take cash so it's easier to pay your own part as well.
    Pants
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