Overbearing overspending parent

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  • svain
    svain Posts: 516
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    This all feels a little bit of a storm in a tea cup to me. I dont buy into all this psychological cynicism being suggested by some. I think its just a mum who wants to spoil her son.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
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    svain wrote: »
    Isn't it perfectly normal to spend the same on each child?

    Wanting to spend the same on both is understandable - buying things for one that aren't wanted (year after year) just so the final sum is the same is weird and wasteful.
  • svain
    svain Posts: 516
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    Wanting to spend the same on both is understandable - buying things for one that aren't wanted (year after year) just so the final sum is the same is weird and wasteful.


    Does it really matter if its wasteful?? .... If it makes the mum happy and she can afford it, i dont see the issue once a year. If was happening every week it would be a different story
  • lincroft1710
    lincroft1710 Posts: 17,545
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    svain wrote: »
    Does it really matter if its wasteful??

    Yes..........
    If you are querying your Council Tax band would you please state whether you are in England, Scotland or Wales
  • svain
    svain Posts: 516
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    Yes..........


    Why does it?
  • I think this is a real first world problem. I expect the Op's mum really wants to make Christmas special for her adult children. If she asks what you want give her a wishlist, maybe create an Amazon one. It is really hard thinking of stuff to buy adults.

    I am probably as guilty of this as the Op's mum. My kids make long lists for me (when prompted) and I pick from those. They don't get everything on the list but they do get what they want and then I add in some surprises, not cheap tat, but things I know they will like and use. It helps that we live quite close to each other so I do have an idea of what they may need at any given time, and they may sometimes be more useful than exciting.

    I don't have a deep-seated psychological issue or reason beyond the fact that I like to give generously at Xmas. Giving gifts which others may deem extravagant is not a sop for relationship issues within the family. We can afford to spend what we do and I enjoy the planning (but not the wrapping!!) We do low key birthday presents, so for us, Christmas is a time for spoiling loved ones.

    I would be very hurt if my adult kids referred to me in the way the OP has in his title post. I know they appreciate everything they get and if they occasionally get something which is not quite to their taste, then as I keep all the receipts it can go back. No big deal.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
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    svain wrote: »
    Why does it?

    Because mother is buying stuff that isn't needed and making her child feel bad.

    Would you really go on buying presents for someone who had told you again and again that they didn't want the things you were buying them?
  • Mojisola wrote: »
    Because mother is buying stuff that isn't needed and making her child feel bad.

    Would you really go on buying presents for someone who had told you again and again that they didn't want the things you were buying them?

    Well, why doesn't he tell her what he does want? There must be something, lots of things, that he could put on a list so that she is not left floundering and so picks stuff her doesn't want. If she buys for the other sibling then she has to even it up, even if he doesn't care about parity his mum clearly does.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,551
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    edited 5 December 2017 at 7:14PM
    Well, why doesn't he tell her what he does want?

    That's been suggested several times as a partial solution but it doesn't change the fact that she is doing something that upsets him - "I'm going to give you all these gifts even though you've told me you don't want them and they upset you".

    Would any rational person really go on buying presents for someone who had told you again and again that they didn't want the things you were buying them?
  • svain wrote: »
    Why does it?

    Because it's a waste!!!
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