Finding my way through the money jungle of debt

sniggle · 20 October 2018 at 11:11AM

I am going to be 50 in just over 3 months, live on my own, rent a flat, mountains of debt which is falling in on me rapidly and nothing to show for my life; so I’m going to try to keep this diary for a couple of reasons:
1. As a type of sounding board as I have no one to cry and moan to
2. To help me keep positive and stop going into a deep depression (again)
3. To see other people’s diaries and know that I am not the only one in this situation.

So, I have always been in debt. I’ve never been good with money. I also have major depressive disorder, borderline personality disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I am a teacher and about 3 years ago had to leave my job due to work force bullying. Having only been in that post for 3 years, I won 3 months pay, but psycholigically cost me much more. I couldn’t face teaching and sunk rapidly. I went on to benefits but the housing benefit and ESA combined didn’t even cover my rent. I tried to get on the council housing list but even with a letter from my psychiatrist and mental health nurse, I was put on band 4. I complained to my local MP and got a prompt phone call from the council, where I was told that “it was my iwn fault for renting an expensive property,” (it’s not that expensive as bills are included) and they still couldn’t help unless I was evicted. Then in August last year, my 24 year old nephew went to a party and was given MDNA. He made it home, but died within 2 hours.
In February I hauled myself back up and started supply teaching and realised that I loved it. I took a placement in a local school, which got extended and extended and I started there permanently in September. I am loving it but am permanently shattered. The trouble was, between end of the school year with a supply agency until my first pay packet, I had no income at all.

I am now at the point that my mobile is about to be disconnected (it is my only phone), the council are threatening to take me to court as are other debtors.

Now I am working full time, I do actually think I can start to resolve my problems in a more positive way, rather than slip into depression again but it’s just getting it going. Part of my mental health is that I have a real fear of the telephone. I can text, WhatsApp, email, Facebook message to my hearts content, but can’t physically speak to someone. I know this sounds pathetic but I’m told it is actually quite common. If my mobile rings and the number isn’t recognised, I won’t pick up or call back. As for me picking up the phone to physically speak to someone is just so hard. I know I have to do it, but it literally takes me weeks to pluck up the courage, constantly worrying the whole time.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I am going to do this. I need to phone the council and my mobile provider urgently; so that is my first step.

I CAN do this.

Ally

foxgloves · 20 October 2018 at 12:52PM

I do understand what you say about difficulties picking up the phone & calling somebody, but I think you know that this will have to be done to begin sorting out your debt situation. As, a teacher, you can obviously stand up in front of a class of children, so you have the advantage of being educated & articulate and this can help when discussing complicated financial issues on the telephone. I always feel for the very many people in the UK who struggle with functional literacy & for whom dealing with organisations must be so much more difficult.
If you have heaps of debt, perhaps you could ring Stepchange or a similar free debt charity (don't deal with any debt companies which require you to pay, as this isn't necessary) to see what they advise. Martin Lewis has always said that he has never known a personal debt situation which can't be sorted out. Some inevitably take longer than others. Our own debt situation was resolved by making the decision to budget & stop frittering money all over the place, but we were both in full time work until my redundancy, which thankfully happened after we had seen the light re paying off what we owed. It does sound as though part of your problem has been the time you were without employment, & maybe a little bit of head-burying because of mental health difficulties & your fear of talking to people on the phone. You've made an important first step coming on here & telling people that you need to make changes, so hopefully you will be able to build on that with an action plan. Some people do find phoning others (especially companies & institutions) very difficult - my Mum had this problem & managed all her life by getting my Dad to make all such calls........until he died last year & she suddenly had to get to grips with it, which she did, because she had no other option. I do think though, that stressful as you'd find this, the thought of not being able to sort out your debt situation would be a much worse prospect? What route you go to do this will depend on all sorts of things, including of course how much you owe in total, but I'm sure Stepchange would be able to advise you - it will honestly not be anything that their advisors haven't heard before, many times.
Best of luck with it all. Be brave, keep at it & you will get there.
F

sniggle · 20 October 2018 at 6:32PM

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply.

I sometimes feel like I have 2 heads: a professional work head and a ‘me’ head. When I’m at work I am very confident as I know what I’m doing. I know I have to call them, it will just take me a while to talk the me head round to doing it.

beanielou · 20 October 2018 at 9:22PM

Some of the debt charities have a debt tool on their websites that you could work through.

Happy shiny new diary

Choccygirl123 · 20 October 2018 at 10:03PM

Hi ally

Well done starting your diary, they're a great way to keep focused. Good luck with picking up that phone x

sniggle · 21 October 2018 at 6:51AM

Last week I found my old Samsung S6...excellent I thought. I’ll trade it in. I left work early (for me) and popped to CEX. They quoted £99 cash but as it was 5pm and they shut at 5.30 they didn’t have time to test it. I left the phone with them and returned the following day. This time the guy said they couldn’t test it because It still had a pass code. I sorted that out and had to go back in 10 mins. Back I go to be told they can’t accept the phone because as soon as they started to use it the battery depleted. I slunk out trying not to cry.

Yesterday I gathered up my camera equipment to sell. I really need £20 to stop my phone from being cut off. I took it to Cash Concepts first. They took it out the back then came and said that camera equipment doesn’t sell very well so they weren’t interested.
Off I go to CEX. They said they were low in cash and their system that transfers money to your bank account was down.

Will I get any luck? Will try again today.

enthusiasticsaver · 21 October 2018 at 7:22AM

You could post an soa on here as a start?

http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

Hopefully you get to sell something to raise the £20 today. Alternatively you could get a PAYG SIM card when you get paid? Do you have a landline?

sniggle · 21 October 2018 at 11:05AM

I hope so too.

I do have a landline but I don’t have a phone for it.

Rebecca01 · 21 October 2018 at 12:52PM

Well done on the job. I am a teacher too. So understand how hard it can be. You have had some awful things happen to you but onwards and upwards now.

I agree with ES start with an SOA all the best diaries start with one and they are so helpful. Apart from the advise on the bills it also keeps people accountable.

pinknsparkly · 21 October 2018 at 7:07PM

Hi Ally,

I have also really really struggled with my mental health over the past several years (though touch wood I've been coping ok for the past six months). I had the exact same thing as you with the competent professional me and the "not in work" me who could barely get out of bed some days. What I've found tends to help me personally is to write really detailed to do lists, particularly when needing to discuss stuff on the phone. I found writing out exactly what I wanted to say and ask really helped get my brain into order.

Have you spoken to anyone about your mental health? Specifically, a medical professional such as your GP? I was in complete denial for the longest time and kept thinking that one day I'd simply "snap out of it", but seeing my GP and starting antidepressants honestly saved my life (and quite possibly my marriage, PhD and career!).

Big hugs xxx

sniggle · 21 October 2018 at 10:07PM

What is an SOA?

Yes, I’ve got professionals working with me but I’m really happy to say that I was discharged from the mental health unit last month.. This is another reason why I’m determined to sort my life out without me going down that road today.

Pinknsparkly thank you. I work hard but do nothing when I’m at home. Cooking, eating and cleaning are such an effort.

Today’s news
I have sold my old phone on a local selling site for £50 and will go and take that tomorrow.
I phoned my mobile provider (phew) and they were happy with what I’m trying to do and can wait until Friday (pay day) to receive this months payment. Tomorrow I will try to tackle the car insurance and council tax.

I took my camera bits to CEX and they have taken them. They will give me £199 but they don’t have enough money and their bank transfer system is still down. They will ring me when they can give me the money.

Small positives but I’m moving forward.

Finding my way through the money jungle of debt

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