Fairness with Finances

Samsonite1 · 18 November 2019 at 10:12PM

This will probably seem fairly random and I may regret posting, but I have started, so I may as well finish!

My wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years and have children and a house together. My friends always say that I need to change my situation money-wise because I earn the most, but we have a joint account and I do not have any money of my own to speak of.

I am made to feel like a mug, but my wife is careful with money and she distributes my income into various savings accounts and leaves plenty in the joint account for all outgoings. Obviously this has worked well for many years.

Is there really a problem? The part that sounds weird is that I do not have access to the savings accounts, purely because they were with my wife and we just have not tried to make them joint. So effectively she can take all of my income and put it somewhere else, but she leaves a certain amount each month. I can use credit cards as much as I want and she will make sure I can pay the balance.

Not sure how weird it sounds, but it works. The credit card is essentially my spending money and has a high limit and rewards, so it is beneficial to use it for everything in fact.

I do not know why I am posting, but I suppose I want someone to say I am not crazy and I should not demand my own personal accounts to hide my money away!

Thank you in advance for your reassuring responses!

Faith177 · 18 November 2019 at 10:18PM

Samsonite1 wrote: »

This will probably seem fairly random and I may regret posting, but I have started, so I may as well finish!

My wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years and have children and a house together. My friends always say that I need to change my situation money-wise because I earn the most, but we have a joint account and I do not have any money of my own to speak of.

I am made to feel like a mug, but my wife is careful with money and she distributes my income into various savings accounts and leaves plenty in the joint account for all outgoings. Obviously this has worked well for many years.

Is there really a problem? The part that sounds weird is that I do not have access to the savings accounts, purely because they were with my wife and we just have not tried to make them joint. So effectively she can take all of my income and put it somewhere else, but she leaves a certain amount each month. I can use credit cards as much as I want and she will make sure I can pay the balance.

Not sure how weird it sounds, but it works. The credit card is essentially my spending money and has a high limit and rewards, so it is beneficial to use it for everything in fact.

I do not know why I am posting, but I suppose I want someone to say I am not crazy and I should not demand my own personal accounts to hide my money away!

Thank you in advance for your reassuring responses!

If it works for you and you’re both happy with the arrangement then it’s no one business quite simply

I have a similar arrangement with my husband now I’m on maternity leave just he gives me a set amount as I won’t allow him to have a credit card of his own due to previous debt problems if he needs to use a credit card he uses mine

Pollycat · 18 November 2019 at 10:27PM

If you are happy with how things are working, don't listen to what other people tell you how things should work.
If, however, you feel that they have a point and you feel you should be more involved in how your finances are arranged, then discuss it with your wife.

Don't look for problems if they don't exist just because friends think your (joint) approach to money differs from theirs.

maman · 18 November 2019 at 10:32PM

From what you posted you're happy with the way your wife manages all the finances except for the fact that the savings accounts are all in her name.

I'm not sure what to think about the comment about hiding your money away. Is that because your friends think you should hide your total earnings from your wife?

There is a conversation you could have with your wife. I don't know how much you are able to save but some of the best rates are linked to bank accounts where you can save a fixed amount for a year. It would be in your interest to have one each of these.

And what about your wife? Might she like an arrangement where you each had your own account and then another for joint bills. That's what DH and I do.

photodgm · 18 November 2019 at 10:45PM

If you are happy with the current arrangements why worry about what your friends think?

One thing you may wish to consider is that if your wife is suddenly taken seriously ill or involved in a serious accident, not having access to any of your savings, could cause additional problems.

lulu650 · 18 November 2019 at 10:45PM

I suppose it depends on why the savings accounts are all in your wife's name. What would the access arrangements be for you if anything happened to your wife for instance? All paperwork together? Do you know how much you have in savings?

We do have ISAs and National Savings accounts in our own names because that's how they are set up. We also have a joint savings and bank account. I'm all in favour of opening and closing bank accounts in my name to take advantage of bonus offers and savings rates in the short term. I don't want to over complicate things though as I have a health problem and it's important that my husband understands all our financial affairs.

unholyangel · 18 November 2019 at 10:56PM

I'd say you should know where things are going, if only because it makes it easier for you if you ever need to take over (wife being ill for an extended period for example). But other than that, I don't see anything wrong as long as you're both happy with it.

Really if you have any questions about why your wife has it set up the way she does, she's the best one to ask. She might have a good reason for it.

Socajam · 18 November 2019 at 10:57PM

If you are that secure, I feel that your name should be on everything - joint names.
I feel that your wife is doing you a disservice by having savings etc in her name only - how would she like this if the roles were reversed.
As someone said, if she was to become seriously ill or die, this could cause serious problems for you.
I think you should sit down with your wife and explain the situation that to prevent problems in the future, both names need to be on everything.
Another scenario: your wife comes to you and ask for a divorce, you have no idea what of your financial situation, that is dangerous to me personally.

zagfles · 18 November 2019 at 10:57PM

Why do you think there's a problem? Don't you trust your wife? Or do you think you could manage money better? Or is it just that you're not aware of where & how much money you jointly have?

It's normal for one of a couple to manage the finances, but the other should at least be aware of where everything is so if something happened they'd know where all the accounts are. So get her to make a list of where all the accounts are.

There might be good reasons for the money being in your wifes name eg tax, but ideally you should have access to some eg if your wife had an accident and was in hospital for a time etc.

onwards&upwards · 19 November 2019 at 12:07AM

It sounds like you can buy/spend as you wish, so that can’t be the issue...

Samsonite1 · 19 November 2019 at 12:44AM

You are all right in a way and thank you for the responses. I do get to see the finances on a regular basis, and if I asked for any I would get it with good reason. I guess there are not huge issues, but perhaps the illness aspect might make things trickier. Having said that, at least money is only transferred to savings manually, so by default all my earnings would carry on coming to the main account.

No trust issues as such. I guess my wife trusts me less, although I have no history of spending money wildly! I bought a new computer after having the same one for 7 years and I got a serious telling off!

Fairness with Finances

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