Alcohol Woes

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  • hb2
    hb2 Posts: 1,398 Forumite
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    OP, I think it would be worth you looking at the Al Anon website. This organisation is for the families of problem drinkers, whether that person admits their addiction or not, At worst, you will read the info and decide it does not apply to your circumstances.

    https://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/who-is-it-for/
    It's not difficult!
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  • eamon
    eamon Posts: 2,319 Forumite
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    What you are living with is a nasty and probably a violent drunk. I've met a few of them and never keep their company when they are drinking. Much too dangerous yet when sober they are great company.

    Unless your partner changes then your options are limited. Others have given their thoughts on what you could consider for the long term and I tend to agree. Lastly a question, do your friends & family see the same behaviour and have they spoken to you about it?
  • bertiewhite
    bertiewhite Posts: 1,904 Forumite
    First Post
    OK so I have had concerns about my partner for a while he likes a drink doesnt go to the pub but if at friends ,holiday or indoors he cannot seem to stop once he starts there is no cut off point if i mention anything it turns into a row and he can become quite aggressive smashing my phone and just being generally vile towards me but unable to remember the next day yesterday for example he drank 2 bottles of strong red wine then became quite belligerent and aggressive saying hurtful things this is not every week but at least once a month I am not sure how to tackle this we have been together over 25 years he doesnt think he has a problem but has admitted he would feel uncomfortable if there was no alcohol in the house any advice x

    ...aaaaaand breath.
  • OldMusicGuy
    OldMusicGuy Posts: 1,756 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post
    edited 21 November 2019 at 6:23PM
    flanker6 wrote: »
    The frequency of his drinking doesn't suggest that he is an alcoholic. Once a month binge sessions are not the alcoholic norm.
    I've known two people that were long-term alcoholics. One committed suicide, the other finally had to admit their problem after a failed suicide attempt.

    In both cases, no-one knew or even suspected they were alcoholics. They were both functioning alcoholics and hid their drinking so well that no-one guessed they had serious alcohol problems. So the fact that the OP is not aware that their partner is drinking all the time doesn't mean they aren't.

    The first person was once convicted of drink driving and got let off a ban because they were such a fine, upstanding member of the community and had several character witnesses give evidence that they had only seen him drink one glass of wine at a social event. What no-one knew about at the time was the bottle of vodka he'd polished off that morning. And the various other things he was up to that only came out after his death.

    The second person was a friend I had known for nearly 30 years. This person started exhibiting odd behaviour, and their partner said they were suffering from migraines which caused them to get aggressive and depressed. The person claimed they'd been hit on the head with a ladder at work. I said to my partner that I suspected this person might be drinking (based on my experience with this other person), it was only after a failed suicide attempt that it gradually came out they were an alcoholic and had been drinking all the time at work. The "migraines" were when they came home and weren't drinking (to hide it from their partner).

    OP, if your partner is an alcoholic they won't admit it if you ask. They will do everything to hide it. It's up to you to think about the state of your relationship and how much you are prepared to tolerate.

    Personally, I wouldn't accept aggressive behaviour from anyone, alcoholic or not.
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