How to deal with a brother TAKEN over parents finances..
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Rags2riches wrote: »There is nothing to suggest online gambling. My parents live a frugile lifestyle. There have been some minor purchases for household furniture but thats about it, and well within the tolerence for thier income level.
Hi Rags...I didnt mean the parents I meant the brother, the rate money is being burnt it has to be something like that.0 -
Is there much point in that if the Mother is just going to back the OP's brother up - as she did when the OP got them involved previously?Is there nothing that can be done because hes clearly opened cards without their knowledge? Surely that is fraud?
Surely opening a card in someone elses name and using it is fraud? The police surely should be involved due to this, there's a difference between using cards because someone has given you the info and opening and using a card in someone elses name?
http://www.actionfraud.police.uk/ID0 -
So where has the money gone?Rags2riches wrote: »There is nothing to suggest online gambling. My parents live a frugile lifestyle. There have been some minor purchases for household furniture but thats about it, and well within the tolerence for thier income level.0 -
Has anyone looked at all the credit card statements and all the other bank statements ?
In the meantime I would strongly suggest your mother opens another bank account and at least that way she would know about all access to the account bearing in mind the £55 grand is shortly to appear somewhere to be "whisked away". I am assuming your mother/parents account is the main recipient of funds.0 -
Rags2riches wrote: »There is nothing to suggest online gambling.
Yes there is. £140,000 has disappeared without trace and you don't know where it's gone. If the brother had suddenly started driving a Lamborghini and taking four luxury holidays a year you'd've said.
When you see in the news that someone has been stealing tens or hundreds of thousands of pounds from their parents or clients or their employer, the thief invariably blames online gambling.
If it hasn't been blown on online poker then where's the money?annandale wrote:Is there nothing that can be done because hes clearly opened cards without their knowledge?
If the mother tells the police that they were opened with her knowledge, as she did last time, then no there isn't, other than wasting police time.0 -
Malthusian wrote: »If the brother had suddenly started driving a Lamborghini and taking four luxury holidays a year you'd've said.
This rings alarm bells as there are clear similarities. I wish there was a property somewhere in the background but I doubt there is.0 -
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Could you perhaps engineer a situation where they have to look at how much they have? Maybe point to the news about Equifax being hacked and UK customers possibly being affected, so it's really important that you go though their finances with them right now to make sure there's nothing suspicious.
That's assuming they have access to it all themselves though. If they don't, I'm sure there's something in the bank T&Cs about it, would they be the type of people to be scared of breaking rules like that?Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.0 -
I've had plenty of suggestions which I am very grateful for.
It it appears options are limited, without the co-operation of mum. It seems she wants to take the path of least resistence so unlikely to do anything in her or my dads interests. As experience has shown when talking doesn't work and intevention takes place - little changes.
So it seems to me I am deliberating between:
a) I ignore it, as many of you have suggested. I'm not certain what sort of relationship I could have going forward. It would seem very fake, knowing whats going on in the background. There is always hope that my mum will kick my brother out of her accounts and take on some personal responsibility for their finances, but to date she has already had ample chance to do so which she hasn't taken.
The fact my brother isn't willing to talk clearly demonstarates to me how irresponsible and lacking in emotional intelligence he is. He chose to intervene in their finances. Nobody forced him to. Whilst doing so they've suffered a large amount of losses. That to me shows he demonstrates a lack of financial accumen. Notwithstanding as an ex-bankrupt himself, I've witnessed him taking poor financial judgement in the past. Would you walk away knowing this person has access to their accounts?
b) Report it to Social Services - and let them intervene. This is likely to put immediate pressure on my relationship with them even further - and may amount to no further action taking place.
I very much doubt anybody can recover their losses. But I'm struggling to work out the best way forward to maintain a two-way relationship with my parents from this point forward?
Are there any options?0 -
Whatever your sympathy for your parent's plight, please ensure that you do not act as guarantor for anything in their future. Well not unless you are sure you are both willing and able to afford to pay it in full. I don't think there really are any options until your mother accepts the issues. You know what they say on an airplane - that first you should put your own mask on before helping others to put on their's. So ensure your (financial) security before becoming involved in someone else's.
The only way I can see you maintaining a relationship is to completely ignore the financial side. It is a battle that at present you have little chance of winning. But please if you end up helping them in the future, make sure it is not money, because the odds are it will end up in the same location as the rest!!0
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