Am I over reacting?

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  • last_mile
    last_mile Posts: 89 Forumite
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    edited 17 April 2018 at 11:57AM
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    sassyblue wrote: »
    Please may I ask what would happen if you went out, ignored his calls, had a great time and rolled in at the time he did?

    Your posts are quite concerning, I want to tell you to run a mile because your other half sounds far too controlling. Someone else mentioned it but I would be very wary of someone using their insecurities as a way of controlling you.

    @sassyblue if i didnt tell him a "reasonable" time that i would be home by and then stick to it with a small margin i.e. say 9pm and home before 10 max then id start getting constant text and phone calls.
    if i ignore them he'll start threatening to come get me and then if i continue to "push" it he'd move the threatening to harm himself before he has gone as far as minor self harm to prove it.
  • last_mile
    last_mile Posts: 89 Forumite
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    there are so many things i want to reply to but the multi quote isnt working. so ill just try here

    It did Mummy2cheekymonkeys. it was a great day!
    @Sncjw i can pop to the shops but if i dont tell him before hand he starts questioning me about where I've been etc. claims to have not been told if i have had to stop somewhere, like going to my dress fitting for my bridesmaid dress.
    @unholyangel thats so nice of you to stop back either way.

    i have been thinking about ending it but i think as ppl have pointed out i am no longer sure this is what its normally meant to be like.
    its something that's been on my mind for a while. i have met (just in general) some men and couples where i dont see this type of action and it has made me question if i am happy to continue down this road. some days i am just waiting for a sign but i am not sure they exist.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    last_mile wrote: »
    if i ignore them he'll start threatening to come get me and then if i continue to "push" it he'd move the threatening to harm himself before he has gone as far as minor self harm to prove it.

    And you're happy to live with someone who behaves like this? :(
  • last_mile
    last_mile Posts: 89 Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    And you're happy to live with someone who behaves like this? :(
    Not overly but then i dont want to be the person responsible for driving him to do something extreme.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    last_mile wrote: »
    Not overly but then i dont want to be the person responsible for driving him to do something extreme.

    And, with that thinking, he has you trapped. :(

    If he does something extreme, it's because he has chosen to do so - no-one else will be responsible.
  • hazyjo
    hazyjo Posts: 15,470 Forumite
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    last_mile wrote: »
    Not overly but then i dont want to be the person responsible for driving him to do something extreme.
    Mojisola wrote: »
    And, with that thinking, he has you trapped. :(

    If he does something extreme, it's because he has chosen to do so - no-one else will be responsible.
    Exactly. YOU'RE not responsible for his actions - he is. He needs psychiatric help.


    My friend split with her BF and he ended up taking an overdose not long after. I don't know if he threatened it beforehand. Would she have stayed if he did threaten it? NO. Did she get back with him after he did it? NO. Was she upset? Yes, of course.


    It is NOT your responsibility. He is trying to control you (and succeeding). What advise would you give a friend whose husband or partner was threatening to kill himself if she left him? Would you seriously be telling her to stay as it would be her fault if she left?!
    2023 wins: *must start comping again!*
  • DigForVictory
    DigForVictory Posts: 11,906 Forumite
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    The hen do went well. For a change, he behaved like a civilized human being.

    +1 to the suggestion of a mobile-free holiday for a mere 72 hours.

    He's already started on the "if you don't do as I want I'll..." - midear, this is not normal. Not healthy. Not a good place to be before a marriage.
    If you need a sign to say STOP, please take this thread as a very strong suggestion.

    I could almost wish he had been a nit on the night, so your hens got a peek at what he's putting you through & you could have had several opinions face to face and in person. To say nothing of their support if you were to decide that actually, given his health, you think it should be postponed. Indefinitely.

    He may have been a honey once (some time ago, at a guess), but his true colours are shining through & you can do so much better than latrine brown.

    All the very best.
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,024 Forumite
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    Sadly I have a feeling the OP is already married, he ruined HER hen night, and this was someone else's she was going to.

    Another vote for YOU'RE not responsible, he is.
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • Mummy2cheekymonkeys
    Mummy2cheekymonkeys Posts: 441 Forumite
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    I suppose the main question you need to ask yourself is- do you love him enough to stay and this be your life forever. It doesn't sound like he is going to change his ways so either you put up with it for the rest of your life or you have to leave.
    Do you see yourself wanting children in the future?
    Would you want to start a family with him? I would imagine he would be even worse with children in the mix.
    I don't know you personally but from what you have told us so far I can honestly say I was worried about you and when you took so long to get back with how it went I was pretty concerned. Have you spoken to close family and friends about the situation?
  • last_mile
    last_mile Posts: 89 Forumite
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    Savvy_Sue wrote: »
    Sadly I have a feeling the OP is already married, he ruined HER hen night, and this was someone else's she was going to.

    Another vote for YOU'RE not responsible, he is.

    your right i married him a little over 1.5 yrs ago after what was a good spell of a couple of months running upto the hen and wedding.
    I actually stood on the night before thinking about not going through with it but i'd spent so much on it i didnt want to lose it all.

    i question my commitment to this long term often, people know how he is but i have spent so long making excuses they no longer mention it.

    i wanted kids from a young age but no i will not bring them into this situation. so they are off the cards for now. though if one more person asks when we're planning them ill pop them one.

    i suppose its all down to me and when i feel i have had enough. sometimes it goes well for a while and you forget the bad bits only to realize its only going well because your no longer living life.
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