Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    deliciosa
    I am not trying hard....
    • #1
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:42 PM
    I am not trying hard.... 12th Feb 08 at 9:42 PM
    I realised something today. I have been telling myself for the last year that it's not fair that I am in debt, that I am trying so hard, that it's not working out, it's all other people's fault. Actually, who am I fooling.

    I am not trying so hard. At least I wasn't , until very recently. Unlike most of this forum, my debt never gave me the sort of headache it gives to other people. I could always afford paying back the minimum etc. I thought of DWF-ing as a new fun hobby, intoxicated by success, then dissappointed by failure, it has never been a matter of life and death to me. Yes, true, I did all the Martin "cut back" etc, but I wasn't stretching myself. I wasn't trying so hard. That's why, after a year, I am still in debt! I am still as much in debt as I was before. I bought myself expensive holiday, and then I came here crying that I am in debt - well shame on me.

    And as for it not being fair - it is fair. I could have bought budget airline ticket s instead of British Airways, even if the saving is only £20. I could have taken the tube to the Heathrow and not the paddington express. I could have bothered to buy diet cokes at tesco for £2.55 per six cans than a can for 80p at the corner shop, because that 30p DOES make a difference.

    Over the last few days I have been reading the forum and other people's stories extensively. And even though I have been here for a year, I realised, I still had no clue about what a DWF is. I see people in broken homes, having sleepless nights and I am ashamed, ashamed that even though my debt is manageable, compared to them, I still can't get rid of it, even though I could have, over the last year. Yes, if I hadn't done the middle eastern holiday, the trip with my sister, and if only I had spent just £50 less a month than I did, and I could have, I would be debt free now! And here I am, with $4000 debt.

    I don't want to be part of the "debt free wannabe-trend". I dont want to come here and celebrate my debt and pretend that I am miserable and trying too hard, when I am actually not, and loads of people here are. I want to be a real DFW. A real debt free wannabe. I want to see the number £4000 every tijme I open my purse to pay for something. I want to realise that every time I spend money, I am borrowing money, until that £4000 is paid back. I need to realise that if I want to be debt free, I have to pay back my debt, and that I can only do by not spending my money. This sounds simple, but for me it wasn't. My life was about allowing myself this, and that, and treating myself to this little thing, and that meal out... and then coming here and moaning about how unfair life is. (so if it happens again, someone pinch me, please!).

    There are people here whose debt is unfair. Bank charges, circumstances, debt collection agencies, lost job, etc.... My debt is NOT unfair. I was spending beyond my means, I have spent every penny myself, I have enjoyed every single item I bought MYSELF. I am the one who brought it on me, and I am the one who needs to make it go away. It's not unfair, it's my doing, it's my fault. Finally I realise this. I a the one who was stupid and not my boss, my friends, or Martin, or you, here, in the forum!

    I need to put an end to this. I need to pay back this £4000 that I owe and get my life back on the track. I am sick and tired of my own excuses, my own mistakes, and I am sick and tired of my ungratefulness that complete strangers here try to help me with their whole heart and I am letting them down, and letting myself down. I am tired of the feeling I get on payday when I distribute my money to my cards, paying back part of the debt, realising that I have not received any money at all, again, because it's not mine.. and then spending on those cards for a dvd, because that takes me out of the reality, or on food, because that gives me instant happiness, or expensive holidays,, to show to the world that I am fine. I am not fine, I am in debt, I have done this to myself and I will sort this out.

    Just wanted to write this out of myself. Things will change from now on. I will show everyone here, that I can and will be debt free. This year. By September, preferably. don't know how - actually, I have a simple plan. I will only spend my money on what is cheap and essential. I will not moan about my debt but work on it so it dissappears. And I will constantly read other people's stories to remind myself how lucky I am that this forum and you lovely people found me in time, before things got really serious.

    Thanks for reading it.

    This Forum Tip was included in MoneySavingExpert's weekly email

    Don't miss out on new deals, loopholes, and vouchers

    Last edited by Former MSE Wendy; 19-02-2008 at 6:12 PM.
    Total debt £3625.07.
    Goals: 1.) DFD December 2008 (snowball) / October 2008 (me ) 2.) Salary £30kpa (currently £26450pa) 3.) Slim down to 55kg (currently 68kg ) 4.) Start stoozing
    I do not NEED that DVD Tough love club Member #1
Page 1
    • Spendaholic Chick
    • By Spendaholic Chick 12th Feb 08, 9:46 PM
    • 2,008 Posts
    • 5,613 Thanks
    Spendaholic Chick
    • #2
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:46 PM
    • #2
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:46 PM
    Well donefor realising this - if you keep this in mind you will be debt free in no time. I am ashamed to say a lot of what you said applies to me too.

    To spur you on, I'll kick your @rse if you kick mine!
    GOD BLESS DURAN DURAN
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no 293 Proud to be dealing with my debts

    March NSD 5/10 March Make £5 Day £99.28/£155
  • deliciosa
    • #3
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:50 PM
    • #3
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:50 PM
    Well donefor realising this - if you keep this in mind you will be debt free in no time. I am ashamed to say a lot of what you said applies to me too.

    To spur you on, I'll kick your @rse if you kick mine!
    Originally posted by Spendaholic Chick
    It's a deal
    Total debt £3625.07.
    Goals: 1.) DFD December 2008 (snowball) / October 2008 (me ) 2.) Salary £30kpa (currently £26450pa) 3.) Slim down to 55kg (currently 68kg ) 4.) Start stoozing
    I do not NEED that DVD Tough love club Member #1
    • neverdespairgirl
    • By neverdespairgirl 12th Feb 08, 9:51 PM
    • 16,072 Posts
    • 71,580 Thanks
    neverdespairgirl
    • #4
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:51 PM
    • #4
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:51 PM
    What a wonderful post - you can do it!
  • debtfreefuture
    • #5
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:53 PM
    • #5
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:53 PM
    This applies to me too
    Your words ring so true. Hopefully my 'problems' will be sorted by the end of this year also

    Good luck

    XX

  • bank_of_slate
    • #6
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:54 PM
    • #6
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:54 PM
    Here starteth the DFW ten commandments....

    1) Thou shalt not spend money that thou doesn't have!
    ...Linda xx
    It's easy to give in to that negative voice that chants "cant do it" BUT we lift each other up.
    We dont count all the runners ahead of us & feel intimidated.
    Instead we look back proudly at our journey, our personal struggle & determination & remember that there are those that never even attempt to reach the starting line.
    • CAFCGirl
    • By CAFCGirl 12th Feb 08, 9:55 PM
    • 8,516 Posts
    • 17,704 Thanks
    CAFCGirl
    • #7
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:55 PM
    • #7
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:55 PM
    OH MY GOD!

    Del' it's like you've just crawled into my head and written that all out...

    I haven't tried nearly as hard as I could, have let myself be tempted and then made out I'm really giving it my all!

    Thankyou and well done on having the strength to say it out loud. I think you should be so proud of yourself..... xx

    10 years and still don't have a clue what I'm doing

    Starter Debt £869.17 Sept 18/Remaining Debt £869.17 Sept 18
    • CAFCGirl
    • By CAFCGirl 12th Feb 08, 9:57 PM
    • 8,516 Posts
    • 17,704 Thanks
    CAFCGirl
    • #8
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:57 PM
    • #8
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:57 PM
    It's a deal
    Originally posted by deliciosa
    Can you kick my a$$ too?

    10 years and still don't have a clue what I'm doing

    Starter Debt £869.17 Sept 18/Remaining Debt £869.17 Sept 18
    • skint_spice
    • By skint_spice 12th Feb 08, 9:59 PM
    • 11,220 Posts
    • 23,582 Thanks
    skint_spice
    • #9
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:59 PM
    • #9
    • 12th Feb 08, 9:59 PM
    Good luck - it sounds like you are determined now. Bet you can do it really quickly now you've got the motivation. x
    £5000 by December 2018 £721/5000
    • Sea78
    • By Sea78 12th Feb 08, 10:02 PM
    • 6,133 Posts
    • 8,484 Thanks
    Sea78
    Well done for admitting all that! I also am int he category of the debt is all my own fault. Yes, I could (and should) be doing more to battle it and get rid of it faster. Coming on here reminds me of that!
    CCCS DMP:Feb 07
    Total:£37,016.47£0 DEBT FREE FEB 14
    • HairyHandofDartmoor
    • By HairyHandofDartmoor 12th Feb 08, 10:02 PM
    • 5,741 Posts
    • 40,592 Thanks
    HairyHandofDartmoor
    Your post is a really good one and will probably strike a chord with many on here! I know it did with me, as I am very similar to you.

    I go through periods of only spending on what is essential, and then I start to slip into buying the odd thing that I could manage without, but convince myself that I need, and then it's a slippery slope. Before I know it my debt is going up again!

    It is really hard never to spend on anything but bills and food when everyone around you, everyone you know seems to be spending like mad; going on holiday, buying furniture, having their kitchen done, buying tickets to an expensive show. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person I know who is short of money. But maybe some of the spenders I know are short of money and are just spending anyway! That was true of me before christmas.

    I really hope you can stick to it Deliciosa, and your words have inspired me to try harder too.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017
    NEW GOALS - Build Emergency Fund & Loss of Income Fund. Save for house repairs.
    EMERGENCY FUND = £17
    "Tough times never last, but tough people do" - Robert H Schuller
    • poorandindenial
    • By poorandindenial 12th Feb 08, 10:04 PM
    • 4,072 Posts
    • 5,285 Thanks
    poorandindenial
    I can relate to so much of this post, my debt was all about living beyond my means rather than need or circumstances and all of it is entirely, fairly and squarely mine.

    Although I don't feel like it at the moment I know how fickle I can be and I too have been worrying that, my DFWness is a phase that I have picked up that won't last. I feel more determined than I have ever been to sort this out and I have never stuck at a previous 'phase' this long so my confidence that this is finally it is growing, but there is still a worry in the back of my mind that I will suddenly throw it all away for a holiday or a handbag in a moment of weakness and be back to square one.

    Thank you for such an honest post that I can relate to so much of so closely - oh how I wish I had the support of this site ten years ago when my debt was a half sensible amount.

    Good luck with turning your (very good) plan into a reality and make sure you give yourself a pat on the back from time to time when you do well.
    £34,547 (Dec 07); Current debt: £zilch (Debt free December 2010)
    Sealed Pot #389 (2010=£133)
    • neverdespairgirl
    • By neverdespairgirl 12th Feb 08, 10:04 PM
    • 16,072 Posts
    • 71,580 Thanks
    neverdespairgirl
    Here starteth the DFW ten commandments....

    1) Thou shalt not spend money that thou doesn't have!
    ...Linda xx
    Originally posted by bank_of_slate
    "Thou shalt not spend money that thou haveth not", for the proper Old Testament feel?
  • Mozette
    I think you should print that first post out, carry in your wallet/purse, and read it whenever you're tempted.
    Anything like me, by the time you've read it, you'll have forgotten what you wanted to buy anyway!!!
  • **ZAPPER**
    Excellent post!
    • Numpty Monkey
    • By Numpty Monkey 12th Feb 08, 10:16 PM
    • 13,384 Posts
    • 29,768 Thanks
    Numpty Monkey
    Here starteth the DFW ten commandments....

    1) Thou shalt not spend money that thou doesn't have!
    ...Linda xx
    Originally posted by bank_of_slate

    A new money mantra, send it to

    and OP

    I think your original post this should be nominated for post of the month
    PROUD TO BE DEALING WITH MY DEBT NERD #869
    Numpty,Not sure why but I'm crying . Of all the peeps on this board you're the kindest & most supportive of all & I'm & for you all at the same time . Wish I was there to give you a big & emergency hobnobs
    xx
    DFD 5/1/16
  • deliciosa
    Here starteth the DFW ten commandments....

    1) Thou shalt not spend money that thou doesn't have!
    ...Linda xx
    Originally posted by bank_of_slate
    2.) Thou shalt never pretend not being in debt (and that includes pretending to thyself)

    what do you think?
    Total debt £3625.07.
    Goals: 1.) DFD December 2008 (snowball) / October 2008 (me ) 2.) Salary £30kpa (currently £26450pa) 3.) Slim down to 55kg (currently 68kg ) 4.) Start stoozing
    I do not NEED that DVD Tough love club Member #1
  • deliciosa
    OH MY GOD!

    Del' it's like you've just crawled into my head and written that all out...

    I haven't tried nearly as hard as I could, have let myself be tempted and then made out I'm really giving it my all!

    Thankyou and well done on having the strength to say it out loud. I think you should be so proud of yourself..... xx
    Originally posted by CAFCGirl
    Thank you for saying that (and thanks to you all who said you feel similar). I will be very proud once I get out of debt - and watch this space because I will. and so will you!
    Total debt £3625.07.
    Goals: 1.) DFD December 2008 (snowball) / October 2008 (me ) 2.) Salary £30kpa (currently £26450pa) 3.) Slim down to 55kg (currently 68kg ) 4.) Start stoozing
    I do not NEED that DVD Tough love club Member #1
  • deliciosa
    It is really hard never to spend on anything but bills and food when everyone around you, everyone you know seems to be spending like mad; going on holiday, buying furniture, having their kitchen done, buying tickets to an expensive show. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person I know who is short of money. But maybe some of the spenders I know are short of money and are just spending anyway! That was true of me before christmas.

    I really hope you can stick to it Deliciosa, and your words have inspired me to try harder too.
    Originally posted by HairyHandofDartmoor
    Thank you.

    I know what you mean, but if you talk to those people, you will probably realise that they are also ind ebt, or even more in debt than you are. I experienced this many times since I "opened up" to my friends about my debt. I do sometimes feel tha I am the only one short of money, and then it turns out that almost everyone is in the same boat. And they sometimes haven't even had their LBM yet.

    Theres nothing to envy about them.
    Total debt £3625.07.
    Goals: 1.) DFD December 2008 (snowball) / October 2008 (me ) 2.) Salary £30kpa (currently £26450pa) 3.) Slim down to 55kg (currently 68kg ) 4.) Start stoozing
    I do not NEED that DVD Tough love club Member #1
  • SarahNeedle1872
    Excellent post Deliciosa..... and HairyHand, you have just said exactly how I feel! I know there is more that I can do, and I always use 'lack of time' as an excuse, when really I just need to be more organised and get things done - that is true in my life in general I think!

    I consider my @r$£ kicked too! Thanks OP

    Sarah x
    'We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars' - Oscar Wilde
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

4,120Posts Today

6,786Users online

Martin's Twitter