Off work sick & afraid to go back

Hey all,

I hope you’re well!

As a back story, I’ve been off work sick the past 2 weeks (I genuinely have been ill with a bacterial infection) but I’m due to go back this week and I feel sick at the thought of it.

To put it in summary, I was bullied all last year by my LM, it was raised with HR - went through all the formal grievance channels & the outcome worked in my LMs favour rather than mine (the outcome was a mediation where we sign a contract agreeing to be civil for 6 months; I refused to sign this as I was put through absolute hell all of last year and I wanted to be allocated a new LM).

The bullying is still happening, not as severe, but she’s still my LM and I feel like nothing works in my favour anymore in work (my LM is very close with the director). I’ve applied for jobs everyday the past 2 weeks and not heard anything.

Now it’s at the point I’m due to go back and I feel so nervous at the thought of having to face all of that again.

I guess I’m just looking for advice & some sort of reassurance. The thought of going back is killing me but they know they have me hooked because I need the money for my bills.

I just feel like I don’t want to be here anymore if it means I have to go back there.

Sorry for the lengthy post, I feel like I want advice from people looking on the outside in and this is the perfect way.

Thank you!
Slek
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Comments

  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    Slek247 wrote: »
    Hey all,

    I hope you’re well!

    As a back story, I’ve been off work sick the past 2 weeks (I genuinely have been ill with a bacterial infection) - never understand why people need to clarify this statement; if you aren't genuinely sick, you're risking a dismissal by gross misconduct but I’m due to go back this week and I feel sick at the thought of it.

    To put it in summary, I was bullied all last year by my LM, it was raised with HR - went through all the formal grievance channels & the outcome worked in my LMs favour rather than mine (the outcome was a mediation where we sign a contract agreeing to be civil for 6 months; I refused to sign this as I was put through absolute hell all of last year and I wanted to be allocated a new LM). - So you are already on thin ice

    The bullying is still happening, not as severe, but she’s still my LM and I feel like nothing works in my favour anymore in work (my LM is very close with the director). I’ve applied for jobs everyday the past 2 weeks and not heard anything. - Can you clarify what the bullying entails?

    Now it’s at the point I’m due to go back and I feel so nervous at the thought of having to face all of that again.

    I guess I’m just looking for advice & some sort of reassurance. The thought of going back is killing me but they know they have me hooked because I need the money for my bills.

    I just feel like I don’t want to be here anymore if it means I have to go back there.

    Sorry for the lengthy post, I feel like I want advice from people looking on the outside in and this is the perfect way.

    Thank you!
    Slek



    It's impossible to really advise without context - job role, salary, possible moves etc.
  • Slek247 wrote: »
    Hey all,

    I hope you’re well!

    As a back story, I’ve been off work sick the past 2 weeks (I genuinely have been ill with a bacterial infection) but I’m due to go back this week and I feel sick at the thought of it.

    To put it in summary, I was bullied all last year by my LM, it was raised with HR - went through all the formal grievance channels & the outcome worked in my LMs favour rather than mine (the outcome was a mediation where we sign a contract agreeing to be civil for 6 months; I refused to sign this as I was put through absolute hell all of last year and I wanted to be allocated a new LM).

    The bullying is still happening, not as severe, but she’s still my LM and I feel like nothing works in my favour anymore in work (my LM is very close with the director). I’ve applied for jobs everyday the past 2 weeks and not heard anything.

    Now it’s at the point I’m due to go back and I feel so nervous at the thought of having to face all of that again.

    I guess I’m just looking for advice & some sort of reassurance. The thought of going back is killing me but they know they have me hooked because I need the money for my bills.

    I just feel like I don’t want to be here anymore if it means I have to go back there.


    Sorry for the lengthy post, I feel like I want advice from people looking on the outside in and this is the perfect way.

    Thank you!
    Slek

    You need to resign and look for another job, any other job.

    No work or money is worth feeling that way. Speak to the Samaritans if you are truly feeling this low.
  • Slek247
    Slek247 Posts: 12 Forumite
    Hey Comms69,

    Thanks for your reply.

    Unfortunately because of the way I’ve been previously treated, I feel like I have to document everything and clarify why I’m off which is why I noted that I am actually physically ill and not off just for the sake of it.

    Yes, I’m already on thin ice. Having been through all channels, there’s nothing else for me to do HR wise.

    The bullying entails; undermining by sending snide emails & talking over me, snapping at me when I ask questions, throwing stuff at me (for eg when I asked for a set of keys they were thrown at me rather than passed over, narrowly missing my head), intentionally secluding me from breaks/lunches/nights out. I had evidence of all of this, for eg the cab told me to record incidents as soon as they happened so I did. I also had email evidence of being undermined and excluded from social activities etc but none of this seemed to matter. It was more of a case of my LMs word over mine & I think it’s cause she’s been there for a lot longer than I have.

    I hope this helps your response a little better!
  • do what katrina says and get another job..
  • nicechap
    nicechap Posts: 2,852
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    Slek247 wrote: »
    Hey all,

    I hope you’re well!

    As a back story, I’ve been off work sick the past 2 weeks (I genuinely have been ill with a bacterial infection) but I’m due to go back this week and I feel sick at the thought of it.

    To put it in summary, I was bullied all last year by my LM, it was raised with HR - went through all the formal grievance channels & the outcome worked in my LMs favour rather than mine (the outcome was a mediation where we sign a contract agreeing to be civil for 6 months; I refused to sign this as I was put through absolute hell all of last year and I wanted to be allocated a new LM).

    The bullying is still happening, not as severe, but she’s still my LM and I feel like nothing works in my favour anymore in work (my LM is very close with the director). I’ve applied for jobs everyday the past 2 weeks and not heard anything.

    Now it’s at the point I’m due to go back and I feel so nervous at the thought of having to face all of that again.

    I guess I’m just looking for advice & some sort of reassurance. The thought of going back is killing me but they know they have me hooked because I need the money for my bills.

    I just feel like I don’t want to be here anymore if it means I have to go back there.

    Sorry for the lengthy post, I feel like I want advice from people looking on the outside in and this is the perfect way.

    Thank you!
    Slek

    As others have suggested, your best solution is to find alternative work and sooner rather than later.

    The dynamic at work hasn't changed and is unlikely to your satisfaction.

    Refusing to sign the mediation agreement will have reinforced any perception that you are the problem rather than them and means your LM won't have been bound by it.

    Excluding people from work social nights is not illegal unless its because of a protected characteristic and you haven't mentioned this, so, maybe, your behaviour and attitude is the reason you're not invited.
    Originally Posted by shortcrust
    "Contact the Ministry of Fairness....If sufficient evidence of unfairness is discovered you’ll get an apology, a permanent contract with backdated benefits, a ‘Let’s Make it Fair!’ tshirt and mug, and those guilty of unfairness will be sent on a Fairness Awareness course."
  • Silian
    Silian Posts: 165 Forumite
    My recommendation: You need a plan.

    It can be really hard to get out of a job you hate as it drains all of your energy leaving you feeling like you have no way out. I was in a similar position and was just too drained to look for work (or to even answer my phone if recruiters called me). It also completely drained my confidence and I wasn't capable of selling myself to other companies.

    Start saving money. Once you have a safety net you can resign without finding a new job. You can then spend a week or two upping your skills and regaining your confidence and then have 'looking for a job' as your full time job. This will put YOU back in control and even if you end up staying longer it is easier if you know you have a way out.

    Maybe head over to the debt free wannabees forum and post your SOA as they can help you trim some money. Spend the rest of today working out where you can trim money and working on a monthly goals.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    Slek247 wrote: »
    Hey Comms69,

    Thanks for your reply.

    Unfortunately because of the way I’ve been previously treated, I feel like I have to document everything and clarify why I’m off which is why I noted that I am actually physically ill and not off just for the sake of it. - sure and it wasn't aimed particularly at you; just a trend I've seen recently

    Yes, I’m already on thin ice. Having been through all channels, there’s nothing else for me to do HR wise. - remember HR are NOT your friend, nor are they there to help you. You need a union for that

    The bullying entails; undermining by sending snide emails & talking over me - OK, I'm not minimising; that sounds rude, but maybe not bullying. , snapping at me when I ask questions - are these questions you should be asking? , throwing stuff at me (for eg when I asked for a set of keys they were thrown at me rather than passed over, narrowly missing my head) - obviously that's not pleasant , intentionally secluding me from breaks/lunches/nights out. - that is not bullying. People are not obliged to spend time with you outside of work I had evidence of all of this, for eg the cab told me to record incidents as soon as they happened so I did. I also had email evidence of being undermined and excluded from social activities etc but none of this seemed to matter. - sorry but it doesn't, legally, matter. Im sure it wasn't nice on a personal level It was more of a case of my LMs word over mine & I think it’s cause she’s been there for a lot longer than I have.

    I hope this helps your response a little better!



    Sure, it really does.


    I must agree with Katrina - legally I cant see anything they've done wrong. (in fact I might suggest adjusting your expectations in terms of out of work activities)


    The employer is legally entitled to believe one party over the other.
  • Slek247
    Slek247 Posts: 12 Forumite
    Hey Comms69,

    I must mention that the exclusion is during working hours (for eg being left on my own at breaks & lunches).

    In terms of being snapped at when asking questions, the questions I ask are related to my job for eg asking for help on running reports & responding to emails.

    I’ve been there 2.5 years and this has been going on from January last year.

    I’m not going to blow my own trumpet but there’s never been an occasion where I’ve been nasty or unreasonable. If there was then I wouldn’t have raised the bullying with HR in the first instance as I would have blamed myself and my attitude for it occurring. But this isn’t the case. I do everything by the book, I have manners, I work hard, I do overtime just to make sure my job gets done, I’m just finding it so difficult to get through this knowing full well I’ve not done 1 thing wrong.

    Thanks for your advice.
  • Comms69
    Comms69 Posts: 14,229
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    Slek247 wrote: »
    Hey Comms69,

    I must mention that the exclusion is during working hours (for eg being left on my own at breaks & lunches). - Typically breaks and lunches are considered employee's time.

    In terms of being snapped at when asking questions, the questions I ask are related to my job for eg asking for help on running reports & responding to emails. - Apologies I wasn't clear. Are you asking questions which you should know the answer to? IE have you been shown how to run the reports? Similarly responding to emails would not typically require assistance - for context I have asked for my email to be checked once in the last 6 months; that was being sent to several members of parliament

    I’ve been there 2.5 years and this has been going on from January last year. - atleast you have employment protection

    I’m not going to blow my own trumpet but there’s never been an occasion where I’ve been nasty or unreasonable. - again this must go without saying. You wouldn't have a job if you had I suspect If there was then I wouldn’t have raised the bullying with HR in the first instance as I would have blamed myself and my attitude for it occurring. But this isn’t the case. I do everything by the book, I have manners, I work hard, I do overtime just to make sure my job gets done - I hope I've misunderstood. Overtime is typically to do additional work, not the job you're already paid to do. , I’m just finding it so difficult to get through this knowing full well I’ve not done 1 thing wrong.

    Thanks for your advice.



    You may not want to hear these comments, but consider that they come from a totally neutral 3rd party that has no vested interest.
  • Slek247
    Slek247 Posts: 12 Forumite
    Hey nicechap,

    As described to Comms69, I’ve not done anything wrong and would be the first to admit if I have. I went to HR because I was advised to by another LM in the department and because the bullying was random - I didn’t give any reason to be treated the way I was/am currently treated.

    In terms of the social activities, I should have clarified but these are during working hours. For eg I’m left on my own during breaks & lunches. I can get on with my day no bother on my own but the feeling of exclusion comes from my LM inviting all of the other girls from the department to breaks/lunches except me, I’m the only one who isn’t asked but I’ve not done anything wrong for this to happen.

    Thanks for your advice.
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