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  • edgordon1982
    • #2
    • 18th Mar 14, 11:41 AM
    • #2
    • 18th Mar 14, 11:41 AM
    I voted for the women should offer but the man should pay option. I have been known to pay my half with a money off voucher, I think it can be a good indicator of compatibility if they appreciate the voucher or think you are strange...!
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 18th Mar 14, 11:42 AM
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    Gavin83
    • #3
    • 18th Mar 14, 11:42 AM
    • #3
    • 18th Mar 14, 11:42 AM
    Whoever does the asking should pay on the first date, regardless of gender.

    Was it expected that if the woman asks the man on a date the man still pays? Or was it expected that women wouldn't actually do the chasing?
    • Breast Cancer Survivor
    • By Breast Cancer Survivor 18th Mar 14, 11:47 AM
    • 10,055 Posts
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    Breast Cancer Survivor
    • #4
    • 18th Mar 14, 11:47 AM
    • #4
    • 18th Mar 14, 11:47 AM
    I've always gone halves.
    I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done.
    Lucille Ball
    • HappySmiles
    • By HappySmiles 18th Mar 14, 2:59 PM
    • 8 Posts
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    HappySmiles
    • #5
    • 18th Mar 14, 2:59 PM
    • #5
    • 18th Mar 14, 2:59 PM
    Of course whoever issued the invitation should pay! Otherwise I'd be asking potential dates if they like to have dinner, taking them to the Ritz, and letting them pick up the bill.
    • londonlydia
    • By londonlydia 18th Mar 14, 3:38 PM
    • 411 Posts
    • 477 Thanks
    londonlydia
    • #6
    • 18th Mar 14, 3:38 PM
    • #6
    • 18th Mar 14, 3:38 PM
    I believe the accepted thing is that on the first date that the man should pay, but following that the rule applies that it is whoever asks should pay.

    Having said that, as a woman (in my late twenties) I would NEVER ask a man out for a first date. My mother drilled into me that the man should chase the woman, as it is unattractive for a woman to do the chasing (at least at the start). That's probably not the modern view, but I would say it is pretty true!
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 18th Mar 14, 4:42 PM
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    Gavin83
    • #7
    • 18th Mar 14, 4:42 PM
    • #7
    • 18th Mar 14, 4:42 PM
    Ironically in the metros rush hour crush today a woman has written in complaining that a guy she likes hasn't asked her out yet. If you don't wish to ask men out fine, that's your choice. However you have no right to complain that no men, or the wrong men are asking you out.
    • tgroom57
    • By tgroom57 18th Mar 14, 6:11 PM
    • 1,358 Posts
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    tgroom57
    • #8
    • 18th Mar 14, 6:11 PM
    • #8
    • 18th Mar 14, 6:11 PM
    Perhaps the rules for the 'first date' are simpler so that there is one less variable. For that reason, I feel best to let the man pay on the first date and woman to contribute on subsequent dates.

    We've had great fun negotiating this in practice - over the past 20 years.

    • EchoLocation
    • By EchoLocation 18th Mar 14, 6:30 PM
    • 795 Posts
    • 1,399 Thanks
    EchoLocation
    • #9
    • 18th Mar 14, 6:30 PM
    • #9
    • 18th Mar 14, 6:30 PM
    I think this is one of those 'selective equality' issues for some women.
    • Indie Kid
    • By Indie Kid 18th Mar 14, 10:20 PM
    • 21,629 Posts
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    Indie Kid
    Either halves or whoever asked should pay. But if one of them chooses something really expensive, they should pay, regardless of whoever asked who out.
    Sealed pot challenge #232. Gold stars from Sue-UU - £75.29 banked
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    • Cloudane
    • By Cloudane 19th Mar 14, 9:57 AM
    • 502 Posts
    • 356 Thanks
    Cloudane
    If I asked then I'd offer to pay. But I consider it more "generally being polite, and wanting to treat someone I've taken a liking to" than "an expectation".

    I'm 100% in favour of equality between men and women, but it goes both ways, the ladies shouldn't be limiting their expectations to only when it's to their benefit. Equality means equality, not just switching things so the males end up the disadvantaged gender.
    • ringo_24601
    • By ringo_24601 19th Mar 14, 10:00 AM
    • 17,148 Posts
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    ringo_24601
    My wife still teases me for not paying in full on our first date
    • Biggles
    • By Biggles 19th Mar 14, 10:01 AM
    • 7,611 Posts
    • 5,016 Thanks
    Biggles
    A slightly odd poll, as the first two options are the same, they both say 'The man should pay'. Impossible to know which to pick, as you can't predict what the woman will say/offer. I ended up selecting the first one, but they are both true.

    Seems over 50% of both men and women agree the man should pay, anyway.
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 19th Mar 14, 10:10 AM
    • 5,946 Posts
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    Gavin83
    I'm genuinely curious. Those who think the man should pay, are they also of the opinion that the man should always be the one doing the asking or do they think that if the woman asks the man out, he should still pay?
    • Prothet of Doom
    • By Prothet of Doom 19th Mar 14, 10:17 AM
    • 3,161 Posts
    • 3,815 Thanks
    Prothet of Doom
    Do women want equality? Then why do so many of them think it's right that the man should automatically pay on the first date ?
  • HKitten
    Whoever does the asking should pay, but obviously there's still a bias there because the majority of scenarios will be a man asking a woman out.


    I'm a fan of equality, but I don't think it has to mean the death of chivalry or courtship. You can view a woman as your equal, and still want to woo her with dinner and flowers. Convincing someone you'd be a good partner doesn't have to have anything to do with gender.
    • iAMaLONDONER
    • By iAMaLONDONER 19th Mar 14, 11:06 AM
    • 1,618 Posts
    • 386 Thanks
    iAMaLONDONER
    I voted for the women should offer but the man should pay option. I have been known to pay my half with a money off voucher, I think it can be a good indicator of compatibility if they appreciate the voucher or think you are strange...!
    Originally posted by edgordon1982
    If I'm paying than a voucher is a necessity!
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 19th Mar 14, 11:52 AM
    • 17,252 Posts
    • 26,860 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    I voted for whoever asks should pay. It would seem strange to me to be invited out and then expected to pay!
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • mattyoung1990
    Do women want equality? Then why do so many of them think it's right that the man should automatically pay on the first date ?
    Originally posted by Prothet of Doom
    Completely agree.
    • Indie Kid
    • By Indie Kid 19th Mar 14, 12:29 PM
    • 21,629 Posts
    • 29,326 Thanks
    Indie Kid
    When I was asked out last year, I did ask who was paying and had brought my card with me, just in case I was expected to pay my share. I never once assumed he was going the full bill, which he did.
    Sealed pot challenge #232. Gold stars from Sue-UU - £75.29 banked
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