Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

    Former MSE Lee
    Real Life MMD: Should my brother get his share of Mum's will?
    • #1
    • 8th Sep 11, 2:10 PM
    Real Life MMD: Should my brother get his share of Mum's will? 8th Sep 11 at 2:10 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should my brother get his share of Mum's will?

    My mother has written a will leaving everything equally to her 8 children. Two years ago my brother asked her for a 5,000 loan for a car, promising to pay it back when he could. Mum was taken aback, but wrote a cheque. Since then, he and his wife have had various holidays and bought three expensive dogs but not repaid a penny of the loan. Mum "doesn't like to ask him about it", but I know it bothers her. It also doesn't seem fair that, when Mum has gone, my brother will get his share of her money, but will also have had a 5,000 bonus on top.

    Click reply to have your say

    Previous MMDs: View All

    This Forum Tip was included in MoneySavingExpert's weekly email

    Don't miss out on new deals, loopholes, and vouchers

    Last edited by Former MSE Lee; 13-09-2011 at 4:04 PM.
Page 1
    • gettiton
    • By gettiton 13th Sep 11, 8:54 PM
    • 11 Posts
    • 10 Thanks
    • #2
    • 13th Sep 11, 8:54 PM
    • #2
    • 13th Sep 11, 8:54 PM
    greed van be a funny thing... but which of you is the greedy one?
    • Petaldust
    • By Petaldust 13th Sep 11, 9:11 PM
    • 48 Posts
    • 180 Thanks
    • #3
    • 13th Sep 11, 9:11 PM
    • #3
    • 13th Sep 11, 9:11 PM
    greed van be a funny thing... but which of you is the greedy one?
    Originally posted by gettiton
    Nothing greedy about wanting to be treated equally to your sibling. Sounds like you're lucky enough never to have been in a similar position.
  • SukiMay
    • #4
    • 13th Sep 11, 9:29 PM
    It's not up to you.
    • #4
    • 13th Sep 11, 9:29 PM
    What happens to your Mother's money after she dies is not up to you. If she chooses not to alter her will to reflect the 5,000 she lent your brother, you will just have to accept it.

    You just have to trust that Karma will get your brother at some point down the line...
    • scotsbob
    • By scotsbob 13th Sep 11, 11:44 PM
    • 4,462 Posts
    • 6,958 Thanks
    • #5
    • 13th Sep 11, 11:44 PM
    • #5
    • 13th Sep 11, 11:44 PM
    This has nothing to do with the will. It's about an unpaid loan and that is between your mum and your brother, no concern of yours.
  • FelinePrincess
    • #6
    • 14th Sep 11, 12:00 AM
    • #6
    • 14th Sep 11, 12:00 AM
    Agree, the 5k loan is between brother and mother, and it's up to the mother what she decides to so.

    The question asker shouldn't even be concerning themselves with this matter as it's nothing to do with them. I think something isn't right when someone is questioning a will before the parent is even dead!
    • purple.sarah
    • By purple.sarah 14th Sep 11, 12:27 AM
    • 2,374 Posts
    • 26,499 Thanks
    • #7
    • 14th Sep 11, 12:27 AM
    • #7
    • 14th Sep 11, 12:27 AM
    I'd encourage her and him to sort it out now while she's still here, not worry about the will. If she is in sound mind and chose to lend him the money and leave him more money then that is up to her, there's nothing you can do about it.
    • jax1305
    • By jax1305 14th Sep 11, 12:41 AM
    • 47 Posts
    • 123 Thanks
    • #8
    • 14th Sep 11, 12:41 AM
    • #8
    • 14th Sep 11, 12:41 AM
    tell you what doesn't sound right to me - poor woman isn't even dead yet and you're already getting uptight about who gets what. perhaps spend some time while she's still here enjoying her company - then when she's gone you've got all the lovely memories that no amount of money can buy.
  • acceptableinthe80s
    • #9
    • 14th Sep 11, 12:49 AM
    • #9
    • 14th Sep 11, 12:49 AM
    The doctrine of collation may apply, unless it has been expressly disregarded in the Will. This is a legal doctrine which states that items given during life, eg. cash loans, and sometimes even non cash items like shares, property etc. will be totalled up and subtracted from the total legacy due to your brother when your mother passes away. As long as the rest of your siblings agree to this then it should be quite straight forward. However, this is obviously a legal issue, and therefore it would be worth seeking advice from the solicitor who will be dealing with your mother's estate as and when it arises. The best situation would be for your mother to get your brother to pay back the loan now, to avoid any family disagreements further down the line.
    • eurovision_fan
    • By eurovision_fan 14th Sep 11, 3:33 AM
    • 81 Posts
    • 45 Thanks
    :idea: Hell No! :idea:
    If the son has the ability to go on expensive holidays and buy costly pooches than he's perfectly able to pay back the loan from "The Bank of Mum and Dad"

    Whether the son can pay by "payments in kind" that should be decided between the Mum, the offending son and the rest of the family.
    If the family unit by majority voting decide on "Payments in Kind" then if we say he does jobs at 20% on top of National Minimum Wage (use October's figure of 6.08 p/h) that would work out as around 7.20 per hour of work.
    5,000 / 7.20 = 694.445 hours of service he must pay back before she passes on.

    If he doesn't pay the Mum back then the 5,000 should be docked from his inheritence and shared equally with the other 7 siblings.

    [I was thinking of doing a similar sort of thing when my parents die as im the main executor of both (despite being the youngest sibling - aint it brilliant to be smart one as the youngest!) ]
    Wins so far 2015:
    15 Beefeater Vouchers
    • janiebquick
    • By janiebquick 14th Sep 11, 7:09 AM
    • 405 Posts
    • 507 Thanks
    Your poor mother isn't dead yet!
    Shame on you! Your poor mother has been a responsible person and has made her will. She can change it any time. Yet you are talking as if she is dead already!

    As for the loan - that's between your brother and your mother. It's none of your business!
    • Ebenezer_Screwj
    • By Ebenezer_Screwj 14th Sep 11, 7:59 AM
    • 420 Posts
    • 229 Thanks
    Morally speaking the 5000 should be deducted from the brother's share, but legally speaking if it has not been written into the will he will receive his full share. Payback time will come when he financially over stretches himself and the family are in the position to give him the proverbial two fingers.
  • seyrewalker
    The loan is between mother and brother and should be between them. Perhaps discuss it with your brother directly in a friendly way, perhaps mention you feel it may be on your mother's mind and also that you realise the matter is nothing to do with you, but just wanted to mention it.

    It's not worth anyone falling out over money, you could even offer to loan your brother money to pay your mum back!
    • redglass
    • By redglass 14th Sep 11, 8:36 AM
    • 771 Posts
    • 8,839 Thanks
    Perhaps it isn't fair if your brother gets his share and also the 5,000, but life isn't fair. And yes, I do have experience of this kind of situation. If your mother doesn't want to pester him for repayment, that's her business. Infuriating though it is, it's not your money and if you start acting as if it already belongs to you, things can get very ugly. It's OK to gently encourage her to settle with him, but if she doesn't like the idea you'll just have to accept that. Other replies on this thread suggest you might be able to take legal advice, but not before she's dead, please! Otherwise she'll just feel like a bag of money that her children are fighting over.
    'Whatever you dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin now.' Goethe

    • magpiecottage
    • By magpiecottage 14th Sep 11, 8:50 AM
    • 9,114 Posts
    • 5,584 Thanks
    If your mother is owed 5,000 then that is an asset of the estate - whether it is owed by your brother, a business creditor, the bank (in the form of a deposit) or anybody else.

    So you include it in the value of the estate. If he is unwilling, or unable, to repay the debt then the estate can simply set it off against the assets it is required to pass to him.

    However, if he argues that it was a gift you might have a bit more of a fight on your hands!
    • Marisco
    • By Marisco 14th Sep 11, 8:52 AM
    • 33,060 Posts
    • 98,220 Thanks
    If your mam wants your brother to have an equal share, then it's up to her. It's got nowt to do with you! If it bothers her as much as you think it does, then she can leave him a share, minus 5 grand! People never cease to amaze me, fancy worrying about what's in a will, whilst the person is still alive!!! Serve you all right if she leaves it to a cats' home!!
    • Chorlie
    • By Chorlie 14th Sep 11, 9:05 AM
    • 1,000 Posts
    • 549 Thanks
    So what you're really saying is that 'if you're brother pays back the 5000, there will be another 5000 in your mums will to split between you all, or put it another way the 8 of you will all get an extra 625.'

    I just feel sorry that you not only risk a family fall out over 625, but more so that you appear to want your mums money more than your mum.
    • vikki_louise
    • By vikki_louise 14th Sep 11, 9:14 AM
    • 2,305 Posts
    • 5,879 Thanks
    It's unfair your brother hasn't attempted to pay your mum back. 5000 is a lot of money in some ways but such a small amount to risk a big falling out between siblings and the knowledge that your mum would of felt torn apart if she was witnessing the fall out. So many families (normal and previously happy ones) fall out over a will and who gets worth. Is having your brother in your life worth 5000 to you?
    Best wins in 2013 200 and Mini iPad. 2014 no wins. 2015 2 nights 5* hotel with 300 vouchers plus 1150 Harrods gift card
    Rehome an unwanted prize or gift with a seriously ill child through
    • Hezzawithkids
    • By Hezzawithkids 14th Sep 11, 9:30 AM
    • 2,958 Posts
    • 10,736 Thanks
    We have exactly the same situation in our family and its a dilemma my mother agonised over for years, even asking her solicitor about it. Eventually she decided that to deduct the money from the bequest would be churlish and would create a bad feeling between us all at a time when we would be trying to come to terms with her death, and has left things alone. I took the view that it's none of my business anyway; she offered my brother some money to help him out at a really bad time in his life and it made her happy to do it, and she would have done the same for any one of us.
    2 Savers Club 2016 #21 14/250
    2 Savers Club 2015 #8 250200

    Proud to be an OU graduate

    Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain
  • nagswoman
    Sharing Mum's assets after her death
    First, add the 5k to what Mum has when she dies as she is owed 5k.

    Then divide the lot by 8.

    Pay 7 people the full amount.

    Pay brother the full amount less 5k.

    We had to do that, having taken advice from our friendly solicitor.

    Just get Mum to create a document stating when she lent the money to her son and get him to sign it so it goes into her personal documents.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

3,831Posts Today

10,075Users online

Martin's Twitter