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    Former MSE Penelope
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I have flogged my husband's bling?
    • #1
    • 23rd Jun 11, 11:15 AM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I have flogged my husband's bling? 23rd Jun 11 at 11:15 AM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I have flogged my husband's bling?

    I was clearing out the loft and found a chunky gold necklace of my husband's, which, to be honest, I always thought was hideous. It had been up there 10 years and he'd totally forgotten about it, but I was worried he'd start wearing it again if he saw it. So I flogged it to (MSE's top) gold buying site for 200 and put the money in our joint account - handy as we're a bit strapped for cash at the moment. But now I feel a tad guilty; was I wrong to melt his bling without telling him?

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    Last edited by MSE Jenny; 29-06-2011 at 8:38 AM.
Page 1
    • jenki2
    • By jenki2 28th Jun 11, 10:28 PM
    • 51 Posts
    • 57 Thanks
    • #2
    • 28th Jun 11, 10:28 PM
    • #2
    • 28th Jun 11, 10:28 PM
    Yes! You should have at least discussed it with him at the very least!
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    • telsco
    • By telsco 28th Jun 11, 10:33 PM
    • 101 Posts
    • 429 Thanks
    • #3
    • 28th Jun 11, 10:33 PM
    • #3
    • 28th Jun 11, 10:33 PM
    Very wrong.

    Its was his and his alone, it was NOT yours to sell.

    You say it was chunky yet you only got 200. The price of gold is sky high and your actions have undoubtably cost your husband a great deal as it has obviously been sold at a fraction of its real worth.

    Some gold buying sites only offer a 10th of the real worth, so you may have cost your husband as much as 1800.

    A terrible decision.
    • ConfusedAgain
    • By ConfusedAgain 28th Jun 11, 10:39 PM
    • 21 Posts
    • 9 Thanks
    • #4
    • 28th Jun 11, 10:39 PM
    • #4
    • 28th Jun 11, 10:39 PM
    Wrong. Definitely wrong. Regardless of its value, its his property and he has the right to choose whether to sell it or keep it. Even if he wasn't going to wear it, he may have wanted to keep it for some sentimental reason. I think it would have been better to have asked him, pointing out that its resale value could have really helped with your money problems and then let him make the decision.


    This being said, I must admit that, if my better half owned something that hideous that was just gathering dust anyway, I would have been pretty tempted to do the same thing myself.
    • scotsbob
    • By scotsbob 28th Jun 11, 10:52 PM
    • 4,462 Posts
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    • #5
    • 28th Jun 11, 10:52 PM
    • #5
    • 28th Jun 11, 10:52 PM
    The money went in a joint account, not his account!! If my wife did that, she would be my ex wife.

    If your husband finds some of your "valuables" to sell without your permission I assume you won't start whingeing.
    • pennypinchUK
    • By pennypinchUK 28th Jun 11, 10:54 PM
    • 382 Posts
    • 732 Thanks
    • #6
    • 28th Jun 11, 10:54 PM
    • #6
    • 28th Jun 11, 10:54 PM
    Yep, you were wrong. It was his, you should have asked him. A little secret now, but what will the next secret you keep from him be? It's a rocky road....
    • nev0757
    • By nev0757 28th Jun 11, 11:15 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    • #7
    • 28th Jun 11, 11:15 PM
    Shame on you...
    • #7
    • 28th Jun 11, 11:15 PM
    'A Gold Buying Site'. Good grief, ordinary wedding rings are worth 50 each, so a heavy gold necklace is worth a great deal more than the 200 you got.
    Don't you read the Money-Saving Expert advice?
    Should've known better, it wasn't even yours to sell. Will he ever find out? If he reads MSE he will - explain that away!
    • darkwarrior
    • By darkwarrior 28th Jun 11, 11:25 PM
    • 183 Posts
    • 80 Thanks
    • #8
    • 28th Jun 11, 11:25 PM
    • #8
    • 28th Jun 11, 11:25 PM
    So incredibly wrong it isn't true. As others have said, these sites pay a FRACTION of what it is worth and you still got 200 so that necklace must've been worth a lot more than that. Plus it was his property. I imagine you would know the answer if he had done the same to you.

    And now there is nothing at all you can do about it.
  • picnic
    • #9
    • 28th Jun 11, 11:33 PM
    • #9
    • 28th Jun 11, 11:33 PM
    did you check the weight of the necklace before selling?? or check the price of gold??? big mistake made in selling to where you did!! IF you OH finds out he would be right in being very unhappy!!
    Life is like a box of chocolates........
    too much all at once and you start to feel just a little sick...._
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    • kelbag
    • By kelbag 28th Jun 11, 11:58 PM
    • 227 Posts
    • 394 Thanks
    Yes you were wrong but come on, how big is the chance he'll remember it? Has he even mentioned it in the last 10 years?

    Blokes don't tend to have the same sentimentility about stuff that us women do so the chances are if he's forgotten its up there you're in the clear.

    It still doesn't excuse it but maybe you can sooth the guilt by getting him his favourite tipple and a nice meal? Even the edge by selling something of yours to explain the extra cash?
  • astracat
    To rephrase:

    "I found something valuable that belonged to someone else so I stole it. The item was gold so I fenced it through a recycler to cash in and destroy the evidence. Was I wrong? "

    How could this ever be a 'moral dilemma'? It's simple theft aggravated by an abuse of trust. A judge would see no dilemma and neither do I.
    Last edited by astracat; 29-06-2011 at 1:03 AM.
    • Saetana
    • By Saetana 29th Jun 11, 3:14 AM
    • 1,146 Posts
    • 2,272 Thanks
    I don't really see what the "money" part of the dilemma is here, the necklace is sold, there is nothing that can be done about that now, whether the price was a good one is arguable but some of those sites are better than others, still, I would have checked a few plus local pawnbrokers for comparisons as gold prices are sky high at the moment - although, saying which, if the necklace was only 9 carat then I think some commenters have an exaggerated idea of its value and most chunky gold (nasty blingy stuff) is only 9 carat.

    I think the accusations of theft are an over-reaction, they are married, joint property and all that plus the money has gone into their joint account, its not like the wife has taken it to spend on a new dress or something. My husband and I discuss everything so there is no way I would have done this, unless I knew for sure he didn't care about it (and it had no sentimental value, for example a family piece) and wanted to surprise him with the money or a gift bought with the money at a time when we were skint. Its a moral dilemma admittedly but not really a money one.

    I really dislike people taking "the high road" in cases like this when we have no idea what the necklace was really worth, if its been in the attic for 10 years then its hardly likely to be of sentimental value, I don't see the point in leaving valuable but useless items gathering dust when money is tight. Whether you tell your husband, that is down to your conscience and only you know how he might react to it. Its hardly grounds for divorce though as one or two people have suggested, so far as marital problems go this one comes a long way down the list of priorities in my opinion.
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  • HairyMclary
    I agree with Saetana. Cash is tight apparently and the item can't be so precious if it's been put away for 10 years. Plus the money went into a joint account, not into her own. However if cash is so tight he might notice the extra money in the bank and what will she say then? It would have been better to discuss it first.

    But then there's so much we don't know. Perhaps the husband isn't very good with money and it's better that he didn't have 200 in his hand to spend on more bad jewellery or to waste on beer or whatever.
  • anjak-j
    Ask yourself how you'd feel if he'd done that to you and you found out about it later on...

    I know I would [beeped] off if my partner did this to me. No-one has the right to sell another's property without permission; whether the item is liked is neither here nor there. Just a terrible abuse of trust for which there is no excuse.
    • Maddogjones
    • By Maddogjones 29th Jun 11, 3:40 AM
    • 32 Posts
    • 9 Thanks
    200 !! If you're married to Mr T then... Runaway !! lol

    Joking aside.. You really should have asked before selling them. If he's not worn them in 10 years chances are he'd probably say yes to selling them, especially if funds are low.

    should you tell him ? - I say no.
    • bouncydog1
    • By bouncydog1 29th Jun 11, 7:18 AM
    • 2,603 Posts
    • 2,058 Thanks
    Totally unacceptable - the chain may have had some sentimental value for your husband but the point is it was his and his alone - not a joint asset.

    Regardless of what you did with the money, you stole the asset and converted it to cash.

    I hope that your relationship with your husband is strong - I would be livid if my OH did something like that and would expect him to react in the same way if I did it to him.
  • purplegaily
    Slap yourself around the face
    The ways this isn't right are many!!

    My husband has a ring and necklace that I don't like. His ex gave them to him (we've been together 13 years, married 9) and he wears than daily - since day 1 of meeting him, and they are part of him. I would be on thin ice if i got rid. I have jewellery that y ex's gave me that I don't wear often, and my husband may mistakenly think I don't like any more - I just don't have the opportunity to wear them.

    I lost a piece of jewellery that held quite a lot of sentimental value, and then found it 4 years later. If I discovered it had been sold because he didn't like it, then there would be serious questions to be answered.

    You should have discussed it with him before getting rid, and as other posters have said - did you get the best value for your money?? Probably not.
    Always on the look out for a bargain. Thanks if you've helped me bag one.
    • Ebenezer_Screwj
    • By Ebenezer_Screwj 29th Jun 11, 8:33 AM
    • 420 Posts
    • 229 Thanks
    Technically you are guilty of conversion, which is unauthorized dealing with or the assumption of rights of ownership to another's personal property. In other words you had no right to sell this item and your husband may well say now that it was merely misplaced and he wanted to keep it ! There may well be friction between you as well because he knows you always hated it . . .
    • JHC
    • By JHC 29th Jun 11, 8:47 AM
    • 20 Posts
    • 20 Thanks
    Reverse the position...
    What would you think if your husband sold some of your jewellery without asking?

    You can't go around taking a person's possessions and selling them, even if you're married to that person.

    My wife recently decided to sell some gold items she never wears now, including a necklace which I'd bought her 30 years ago. She asked me if it was OK, just in case I got upset that she was selling my gift.

    She sold her gold through a local jeweller and got a good price for it.

    • IDProtected
    • By IDProtected 29th Jun 11, 8:52 AM
    • 228 Posts
    • 205 Thanks
    Wrong as it was not hers to sell, but who keeps their gold in the attic??
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