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  • FIRST POST
    Former MSE Lee
    Real Life MMD: Is it okay to send late wedding invites?
    • #1
    • 21st Jan 11, 10:35 AM
    Real Life MMD: Is it okay to send late wedding invites? 21st Jan 11 at 10:35 AM
    Please give this MoneySaver the benefit of your advice...

    Is it okay to send late wedding invites?

    We're arranging our wedding and have a small and fairly rigid budget, which means we haven't been able to invite everyone we'd like. Although the invites haven't gone out yet, we know a few of the guests might not be able to make it and if so (and we've already paid the deposit for the meals), would it be really bad form to say to some of the people we wanted to invite, "We've paid for a meal, we wanted you to come but couldn't afford it, but now someone's dipped out so would you like to come?"

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    Last edited by Former MSE Lee; 25-01-2011 at 3:56 PM.
Page 1
  • Evilm
    • #2
    • 25th Jan 11, 9:54 PM
    • #2
    • 25th Jan 11, 9:54 PM
    I would say yes it is ok but I wouldn't phrase it like that. A friend did once use with me the phrase "a second round of invites" and it didn't come across rudely at all.

    And depending on how close the wedding is I would call the person you are inviting and talk to them about it rather than relying on the postal service. Having had invites stuck in the post on their way to me and only finding out 2 weeks before the wedding I had been kinda annoyed the person couldn't send an email (or make a quick phone call) to me with a heads up and the dates and times.
    • emsbet
    • By emsbet 25th Jan 11, 10:05 PM
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    emsbet
    • #3
    • 25th Jan 11, 10:05 PM
    • #3
    • 25th Jan 11, 10:05 PM
    I would say yes as long as it's worded properly. We have had to "bump" some people up from evening only invites to whole day invites and not had a problem - well not that they've told us about!

    You know your guests best and will be able to judge how best to approach the situation.

    xx
    09.06.11 07.10.11
    Gorgeous baby boy born 16.09.12

    The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe

    Patience is a virtue I lack!
    • codemonkey
    • By codemonkey 25th Jan 11, 10:10 PM
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    codemonkey
    • #4
    • 25th Jan 11, 10:10 PM
    • #4
    • 25th Jan 11, 10:10 PM
    Nothing wrong with that. I've got some people on standby in case some of the familiy I've invited can't make it. They know that I wanted to invite them but I have a massive family and the venue can only take so many so my hands are tied. They're ready to make the change from evening guests to all day guests.

    Most people would be happy and jump at the chance of a free meal and party.
    • ganonman
    • By ganonman 25th Jan 11, 10:48 PM
    • 150 Posts
    • 91 Thanks
    ganonman
    • #5
    • 25th Jan 11, 10:48 PM
    • #5
    • 25th Jan 11, 10:48 PM
    We pretty much did exactly this for our wedding. We had a standby list and there were people originally invited to the evening only who were clear on the fact that if people didn't RSVP for the whole day then we would let them know. We kept everything open and honest, but didn't word it like the question.
    "A bank* is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain."

    (*Unless it's Santander. The branch says they sent you an umbrella 3 times already and don't understand why you don't have it yet and want it back right now!!!)
    • bubbles0169
    • By bubbles0169 25th Jan 11, 11:20 PM
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    bubbles0169
    • #6
    • 25th Jan 11, 11:20 PM
    • #6
    • 25th Jan 11, 11:20 PM
    i wouldnt word it like that either but i would definitely invite others if some couldnt make it id just say the same as the pp's how id love for them to be there from the start but the venue wouldnt hold every one. I have been bumped(from evening to day) before too and loved it!
    I am not bossy I just have better ideas
    • higginsb
    • By higginsb 25th Jan 11, 11:21 PM
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    • 69 Thanks
    higginsb
    • #7
    • 25th Jan 11, 11:21 PM
    • #7
    • 25th Jan 11, 11:21 PM
    Doesn't everyone do this? Nothing wrong at all, if your friends are really your friends they will understand, and if they are offended they're not really your friends!!! At our wedding we had one couple who we invited for the whole day who failed to turn up after accepting the invite, and that offended me more!
    • RainbowDrops
    • By RainbowDrops 25th Jan 11, 11:30 PM
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    RainbowDrops
    • #8
    • 25th Jan 11, 11:30 PM
    • #8
    • 25th Jan 11, 11:30 PM
    As others are saying, it's fairly normal, but the choice of wording should be considered!
  • Sammy85
    • #9
    • 26th Jan 11, 12:05 AM
    • #9
    • 26th Jan 11, 12:05 AM
    I think its perfectly acceptable. I would just say to them " i know its short notice, but i've been able to invite some more people and i would love it if they could come. " or something along those lines.

    Proud mummy to a beautiful baby girl born 22/12/11
    • luxor4t
    • By luxor4t 26th Jan 11, 7:42 AM
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    luxor4t
    As long as it is worded sensitively, the only people who would be offended are the sort who look for chances to get offended, iyswim.
    I can cook and sew, make flowers grow.
    • shellsuit
    • By shellsuit 26th Jan 11, 8:02 AM
    • 23,017 Posts
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    shellsuit
    Go for it!

    We did, well we didn't give out invites, we actually asked people face to face, because a couple let us down a few days before.
    Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...
    • sjb92
    • By sjb92 26th Jan 11, 8:20 AM
    • 55 Posts
    • 12 Thanks
    sjb92
    Just to agree with everyone else - yes this is fine. We did it at our Wedding, I think I may have even referred to it as an "upgrade" when we were able to bump people up from the party to the meal.
    Hope you have a fantastic day!
    • djb77
    • By djb77 26th Jan 11, 8:43 AM
    • 17 Posts
    • 18 Thanks
    djb77
    I think it's OK. My brother and sister-in-law did it on the day. Some people just came to the Church to see them get marry and were not invited to the reception. They had a few spare places so invited them to the reception after the ceremony. But, like most people have been saying it is all in the wording.
  • last emperor
    we did much the same thing at our wedding with no issues, so i would say go for it.

    if you're really worried about people taking it personally, you could always call them and say "we haven't received your RSVP yet?" - make out that the invite got lost, or perhaps you forgot to send it or something.

    it's a bit deceitful, but it could be an option if you really need to save face!
  • mistyw1973
    Just to agree with everyone else - yes this is fine. We did it at our Wedding, I think I may have even referred to it as an "upgrade" when we were able to bump people up from the party to the meal.
    Hope you have a fantastic day!
    Originally posted by sjb92
    This is exactly what I intend to do !! Like others have said...honesty is the best policy...people understand that sometimes you have to give others first refusal, and that you can't have everyone. I wouldn't be offended to be offered a late "upgrade" I would be chuffed that they would have me to their special day....as I really won't fill up any gaps with people I don't really want there just to make up the numbers.
  • bennett2kuk
    We invited a couple with a few days to go to our wedding. We'd had all of our positive RSVPs but a couple of days before we bumped into a girl my wife knew, she then casually mentioned she wouldn't be making it.

    Cue us inviting another couple who in turn have turned out to be better friends than the other girl ever was. So I think yes it is ok to ask people later on. Especially if it means the difference between a wasted meal and some more friends present.
    • minerva_windsong
    • By minerva_windsong 26th Jan 11, 9:06 AM
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    minerva_windsong
    As long as it's worded right, then there's absolutely nothing wrong with it - just something like sammy85 said though about being able to invite more people and that you'd love it if they could come, rather than bringing the money side of things into it.
    "A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge." - Tyrion Lannister

    Married my best friend 1st November 2014

    Loose = the opposite of tight (eg "These trousers feel a little loose")
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    • pineapple
    • By pineapple 26th Jan 11, 9:23 AM
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    pineapple
    I think its perfectly acceptable. I would just say to them " i know its short notice, but i've been able to invite some more people and i would love it if they could come. " or something along those lines.
    Originally posted by Sammy85
    I do like this one.
    One question, if the invites haven't gone out yet, why even say anything?
    • pennypinchUK
    • By pennypinchUK 26th Jan 11, 9:43 AM
    • 382 Posts
    • 732 Thanks
    pennypinchUK
    Well, you don't really need to tell the people you invite later that they are 2nd choices.

    Get the invites out quickly, and get people's responses asap. Once you get a decline, send out an invite to your back up list immediately.

    As almost always, honesty is the best policy, and if you are asked by the later invitees you can simply say you had to restrict the attendees due to the budget. If they don't understand or don't accept that they're not real friends, so you probably wouldn't want them at your wedding anyhow. Have a happy day.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 26th Jan 11, 10:57 AM
    • 25,122 Posts
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    pollypenny
    This happened to us in the Summer. Daughter of a friend was marrying, they have a big extended family and it turned out that a number couldn't go.

    We, the parents' friends, were invited and we all and a wonderful time.

    If they are real friends, they'll understand.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
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