Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    Former MSE Penelope
    Real life MMD: Should I go to the Christmas lunch?
    • #1
    • 13th Dec 10, 5:33 PM
    Real life MMD: Should I go to the Christmas lunch? 13th Dec 10 at 5:33 PM
    Please give this MoneySaver the benefit of your advice...

    Should I go to the Christmas lunch?

    My office is planning our Christmas lunch but the most affordable place was thought 'too predictable'. Every other restaurant near work will be min. 25 per head, which for me is a lot of money. I wanted have the chance to socialise a bit as I'm the newest, but the hefty price tag has put me off. I also told my other half I wouldn't go to his dad's for Boxing day because of the train fare. I don't want to ruin the fun though.

    Click reply to have your say

    Previous MMDs: View All
    Last edited by Former MSE Penelope; 14-12-2010 at 5:24 PM.
Page 1
    • lizardking
    • By lizardking 14th Dec 10, 7:47 PM
    • 37 Posts
    • 362 Thanks
    lizardking
    • #2
    • 14th Dec 10, 7:47 PM
    • #2
    • 14th Dec 10, 7:47 PM
    Why not join them for a sociable drink once they have eaten their meal, less costly and you still get to join in for part of the evening.
    • scotsbob
    • By scotsbob 14th Dec 10, 11:32 PM
    • 4,462 Posts
    • 6,958 Thanks
    scotsbob
    • #3
    • 14th Dec 10, 11:32 PM
    • #3
    • 14th Dec 10, 11:32 PM
    Make them feel guilty and tell them the truth. You would love to have lunch with them but not at that price. Their next move will give you an indication of how much they value your company.
    • WhyIsSavingSoHard
    • By WhyIsSavingSoHard 15th Dec 10, 12:52 AM
    • 60 Posts
    • 68 Thanks
    WhyIsSavingSoHard
    • #4
    • 15th Dec 10, 12:52 AM
    • #4
    • 15th Dec 10, 12:52 AM
    You don't need to make them feel guilty, but I do think you are best off telling them that you can't afford to go. I'm sure they'll understand and maybe there's one or two of the others struggling to find the money too. You may be surprised. Why not ask if you can all go for a drink after work in the new year some time? But if they say yes, make sure it happens by taking on the organising of it yourself if need be. And next Christmas, they'll hopefully choose somewhere cheaper.

    I hate the inflated prices at restaurants this time of year. If it were down to me, Christmas work do's would happen somewhere between the end of January and the beginning of November!
    I'm not supposed to be normal, I'm supposed to be me
    Quidco cash back since May 2010 ~ more than 83.13
    Must remember to use it more, but every little helps
  • alwayswrite
    • #5
    • 15th Dec 10, 3:54 AM
    prioritise
    • #5
    • 15th Dec 10, 3:54 AM
    As in previous answers be honest and say you can't afford to stay for a meal because you really should go to see your boyfriend's dad on Boxing Day. Remember and this is being totally honest you may not always work in the same firm and this meal with your work mates could cause you to have an argument with your boyfriend and ruin Christmas....for you both....and his dad. I wish you all the very best and a very happy 2011
    • ronangel
    • By ronangel 15th Dec 10, 4:07 AM
    • 124 Posts
    • 141 Thanks
    ronangel
    • #6
    • 15th Dec 10, 4:07 AM
    xmas meal
    • #6
    • 15th Dec 10, 4:07 AM
    It all depends if you are thinking on staying at the company for a long time whether it is small or large. If small & you want to get on best to go, afford or not. This is the way to sus out the strengths and weaknesses of the management in these hard times to help you up the ladder in the coming year.You also may notice some indiscretions which should be carefully noted for times in the future when they have to let people go (less than year) or redundancies.. when you are told you will no longer be needed point out what you know to the person in charge gently explaining that as a loyal employee you turned a blind eye to whatever, but if forced to leave you conscience would be clear in making sure that (whoever) found out about it, maybe they would reconsider letting you go with even if possible a promotion & maybe if company could afford it a small pay rise for all your hard work.
    This happened to a close friend in a different way while working for a very important person in public office. Photographs of the person at a xmas do were taken of vip with a scantly clad strip gram jumping on him. My friend using part one, was able to get the photographs & all negatives (long time ago would have had worse repercussions than present time) Placed them on VIPs desk after holidays. The favour returned at a later date helped save my friend from very big problems in the company when accused of being part of something that could have lost him his job which he had no part in but no proof he did not.
    look at the money as a long term investment on your future & GO!
    The richard montgomery matter

  • shaven-monkey
    • #7
    • 15th Dec 10, 4:18 AM
    • #7
    • 15th Dec 10, 4:18 AM
    Please give this MoneySaver the benefit of your advice...

    Should I go to the Christmas lunch?

    Originally posted by MSE Penelope
    No.

    There are many reasons you could give but fortunately you don't have to give any reason at all. If coerced into giving a reason "I don't have the time or money".

    The new year social pub lunch or whatever sounds like a reasonable way to socialise with work colleagues without being mugged by a restaurant.
    "Gold is the money of kings; silver is the money of gentlemen; barter is the money of peasants; but debt is the money of slaves." - Norm Franz
  • tryfive
    • #8
    • 15th Dec 10, 5:03 AM
    *Seriously* bad advice.
    • #8
    • 15th Dec 10, 5:03 AM
    You also may notice some indiscretions which should be carefully noted for times in the future when they have to let people go (less than year) or redundancies.. when you are told you will no longer be needed point out what you know to the person in charge gently explaining that as a loyal employee you turned a blind eye to whatever, but if forced to leave you conscience would be clear in making sure that (whoever) found out about it, maybe they would reconsider letting you go with even if possible a promotion & maybe if company could afford it a small pay rise for all your hard work.
    Originally posted by ronangel
    Very, VERY, VERY BAD ADVICE.

    Although it may have worked out "OK" in your "friends" example, the first thing I'd do (and more other employers) is get rid of you ASAP.

    If you'd been there for less than a year, you'd be dismissed immediatly, and without explanation (effectivly perfectly legal)

    If you'd been there for more than a year, you'd be first out the door in any redundancies (as you mention above) that were going - or rather, that could be made.

    That's the polite version.

    The slightly less polite version to handle any blackmail attempt (which is what we're talking about here) is immediate dismissal for gross misconduct.

    Either way, forget asking for a reference - not going to happen. You couldn't be given a bad reference (unlawful), but withholding a reference, or even acknowledgement, can be damaging enough - especially if you've been with a company of any length of time.

    If you're the kind who'll attempt to use blackmail, you CANNOT be trusted to "keep your end up". You'll just keep coming back for more, and more, and more.

    Like the old saying - the best thing to do with a cancer is cut it right out...
    • lutzi1
    • By lutzi1 15th Dec 10, 7:24 AM
    • 2,671 Posts
    • 48,236 Thanks
    lutzi1
    • #9
    • 15th Dec 10, 7:24 AM
    • #9
    • 15th Dec 10, 7:24 AM
    It all depends if you are thinking on staying at the company for a long time whether it is small or large. If small & you want to get on best to go, afford or not. This is the way to sus out the strengths and weaknesses of the management in these hard times to help you up the ladder in the coming year.You also may notice some indiscretions which should be carefully noted for times in the future when they have to let people go (less than year) or redundancies.. when you are told you will no longer be needed point out what you know to the person in charge gently explaining that as a loyal employee you turned a blind eye to whatever, but if forced to leave you conscience would be clear in making sure that (whoever) found out about it, maybe they would reconsider letting you go with even if possible a promotion & maybe if company could afford it a small pay rise for all your hard work.
    This happened to a close friend in a different way while working for a very important person in public office. Photographs of the person at a xmas do were taken of vip with a scantly clad strip gram jumping on him. My friend using part one, was able to get the photographs & all negatives (long time ago would have had worse repercussions than present time) Placed them on VIPs desk after holidays. The favour returned at a later date helped save my friend from very big problems in the company when accused of being part of something that could have lost him his job which he had no part in but no proof he did not.
    look at the money as a long term investment on your future & GO!
    Originally posted by ronangel

    And a very merry Xmas to you as well. Not nice.
    Hope is not a strategy.
  • crazy_horse_uk
    alwayswrite has the best advice. I would add that an offer to organise next year's Christmas 'do' would be very welcome - nobody likes doing it!

    chuk
  • chrimson
    The short answer is if you can't afford it, don't go.
    You don't need to give explanations but the truth always works!
    You can start of the New year NOT in debt because you are trying to "keep up" and you can budget for the next Christmas meal.
    • Gillsx
    • By Gillsx 15th Dec 10, 9:32 AM
    • 56 Posts
    • 42 Thanks
    Gillsx
    I've refused several parties in the past for the same reason. Usually booked by the people who can easily afford it and dont consider those who are on lower wages, have children, etc. I would say go for a drink and make an exit. Or tell them you cant go because its a bit pricey at this time of the year. Don't feel you have to go though - i'm sure there will be other opportunities to socialise that are less costly.
    • minerva_windsong
    • By minerva_windsong 15th Dec 10, 9:59 AM
    • 3,765 Posts
    • 8,672 Thanks
    minerva_windsong
    Go for a drink after the meal to be sociable, or arrange to do something in the New Year. That way you're still showing your face but it's at minimum cost to you. And, if you're still there next year, offer to organise the do at a place you can afford.

    (Also, I'm impressed you've found a train that's running on Boxing Day!)
    "A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge." - Tyrion Lannister

    Married my best friend 1st November 2014

    Loose = the opposite of tight (eg "These trousers feel a little loose")
    Lose = the opposite of find/gain (eg "I'm going to lose weight this year")
    • geordie1234
    • By geordie1234 15th Dec 10, 10:18 AM
    • 17 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    geordie1234
    At a previous job, the managers offered to pay more on a sliding scale where, I think, the lowest paid employees went for free. Maybe a quiet word with the head of department, who will be the highest paid? Send her or him a link to this thread, even!
  • fredpipes
    These things always cost much more than you think - I went to an xmas lunch at Pizza Express on Sunday (no 2-for-1 offers on unfortunately!), had a 6 pizza and a beer - and my share of the bill came to 20! All down to others ordering wine, olives, starters, coffees etc. The cynic's strategy, if you know the bill will be divvied up at the end is to order the most expensive things on the menu! Or leave early, putting a tenner into the hand of the organiser saying: 'that should cover it!'
  • Mercuryeagle
    Think long term
    Definitely go.

    Not for blackmail reasons like the other guy was talking about but because it is an investment. Long story short if you want to do well in life you need to be liked by people more powerful than you, and a Christmas meal is one of the best ways to get to know and make friends with the important people in your company.

    I'm 22, I spent money I didnt have to go to social events with important people over the last couple of years and now I'm earning a very healthy salary.

    My only word of warning is dont drink too much or as we all know it can turn sour, and it'll cost you more.
    • elizabethhull
    • By elizabethhull 15th Dec 10, 11:01 AM
    • 285 Posts
    • 1,885 Thanks
    elizabethhull
    Blackmail is NEVER the answer!
    This is appalling advice - potentially criminal, at the very least anti-social & mean-spirited. Please don't do anything of the sort.
    The advice to be honest is, I think best. Say you would love to go, but you're sorry you can't afford it. If they go without you, wish them a lovely time and MEAN it, no sour grapes - your pleasant attitude will be remembered.
    My son-in-law is in a similar position, possibly not quite so bad (after all, he's living off my daughter's salary!!), and I've advised him to go. He's hoping this will be 'the' job after over 3 years just getting odd weeks here & there. He really needs to be seen to be joining in. I've also advised him against any anatomy photocopying(!) or anything else that could be held against him later. Fortunately he doesn't drink much.


    It all depends if you are thinking on staying at the company for a long time whether it is small or large. If small & you want to get on best to go, afford or not. This is the way to sus out the strengths and weaknesses of the management in these hard times to help you up the ladder in the coming year.You also may notice some indiscretions which should be carefully noted for times in the future when they have to let people go (less than year) or redundancies.. when you are told you will no longer be needed point out what you know to the person in charge gently explaining that as a loyal employee you turned a blind eye to whatever, but if forced to leave you conscience would be clear in making sure that (whoever) found out about it, maybe they would reconsider letting you go with even if possible a promotion & maybe if company could afford it a small pay rise for all your hard work.
    This happened to a close friend in a different way while working for a very important person in public office. Photographs of the person at a xmas do were taken of vip with a scantly clad strip gram jumping on him. My friend using part one, was able to get the photographs & all negatives (long time ago would have had worse repercussions than present time) Placed them on VIPs desk after holidays. The favour returned at a later date helped save my friend from very big problems in the company when accused of being part of something that could have lost him his job which he had no part in but no proof he did not.
    look at the money as a long term investment on your future & GO!
    Originally posted by ronangel
  • curlysarah
    Charity?!
    At a previous job, the managers offered to pay more on a sliding scale where, I think, the lowest paid employees went for free. Maybe a quiet word with the head of department, who will be the highest paid? Send her or him a link to this thread, even!
    Originally posted by geordie1234
    I don't think I'd be happy subsidising lower paid colleagues and there's no way I'd suggest this if I was the one who couldn't afford the lunch!!
  • Wallsendmark123
    If i were in your situation, I would skip the lunch but meet up with them afterwards for a drink, your still getting the chance to socialise but your not having to pay the 25 for the meal.

    I would be inclined myself to go to your partners fathers boxing day, the chances are if you dont go and your partner does go you could be left alone and your partner would feel guilty about going without you. If your partner does not go as you wont go it could cause ill feeling with his father.

    If it comes down to a choice, go to your partners fathers for the day. Work will understand if you cant make the office lunch, and if your office is anything like mine there will be plenty more opportunitys to socialise after Christmas.

    Merry Christmas x
    • london_lass
    • By london_lass 15th Dec 10, 11:39 AM
    • 14 Posts
    • 9 Thanks
    london_lass
    Honesty is the best policy in situations like this! We are holding a big Xmas party for everyone which is free to get in (and includes a free drink - would like to offer more but we're a charity!) but we're also going out in our separate departments for a lunch which will be paid for out of our own pockets. As such, we've eschewed the "Christmas" menu's on offer round here (work in the City so it's ridiculous the amount they're charging!) and just going to a nearby gastropub-type affair for their regular lunch menu which is 6+ because it's nto fair to expect everyone to pay out 20+ for it!

    I would be honest as say you'd love to come (if you would *lol*) but you just can't afford it at this time of year but would like to join them for drinks beforehand or at a later date if possible.

    I would see if you can stretch to going to your partner's Dad's though - it's the time to see family and you could be forcing him to choose between you and his parent, which isn't a nice choice to put anyone under! Maybe look at travellign early/late for the cheapest fare, or even goign by coach if it's nto too far (not glamorous but much cheaper!)
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

245Posts Today

2,946Users online

Martin's Twitter