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  • FIRST POST
    Former MSE Penelope
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Spencer trade in the engagement ring?
    • #1
    • 12th Feb 10, 1:45 PM
    MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Spencer trade in the engagement ring? 12th Feb 10 at 1:45 PM
    Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:


    Should Spencer trade in the engagement ring?

    Spencer wants to propose to Heidi. He knows she's always dreamt of owning jewellery from the famous 'Cart-any's' brand. Yet that costs 7,000 while he can get a virtual identical one with the same diamond from an independent jeweller for 4,000. His friend has a 'Cart-anys' box which she's offered to lend him so he could put the cheaper ring in and his fiance would be none the wiser - but he'd have more cash to start their lives together. Should he go through with it?

    Click reply to have your say

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    Last edited by Former MSE Penelope; 17-02-2010 at 5:34 PM.
Page 1
  • olai99
    • #2
    • 16th Feb 10, 10:51 PM
    • #2
    • 16th Feb 10, 10:51 PM
    Start off marriage with a lie? Why not talk it over with Heidi and let her decide - what is most important to her? A brand name bling or money for the marriage?
    • scotsbob
    • By scotsbob 16th Feb 10, 11:22 PM
    • 4,462 Posts
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    scotsbob
    • #3
    • 16th Feb 10, 11:22 PM
    • #3
    • 16th Feb 10, 11:22 PM
    Obviously the brand name label is all is that is important to these types of persons. Therefore give her the box and stick a 400 ring in (yes 400 not 4000) Unless she is an experienced jeweller or diamond cutter she will never know the difference.

    PLUS if she tries to dump him and be greedy and keep the ring she will get an unexpected surprise.
  • bc3000
    • #4
    • 16th Feb 10, 11:54 PM
    • #4
    • 16th Feb 10, 11:54 PM
    If I was Heidi I wouldn't want Spencer to spend 7,000 on a ring.. even 4,000 seems ridiculous!

    • reluctantworkingmum
    • By reluctantworkingmum 17th Feb 10, 12:15 AM
    • 126 Posts
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    reluctantworkingmum
    • #5
    • 17th Feb 10, 12:15 AM
    • #5
    • 17th Feb 10, 12:15 AM
    I would ask her - if she chooses to spend the extra three grand to get the name - I would take that as a serious warning and get out fast!
    • WhyIsSavingSoHard
    • By WhyIsSavingSoHard 17th Feb 10, 12:22 AM
    • 60 Posts
    • 68 Thanks
    WhyIsSavingSoHard
    • #6
    • 17th Feb 10, 12:22 AM
    • #6
    • 17th Feb 10, 12:22 AM
    I wouldn't want 4,000 spent on a ring either, as to me that's nearly 63 weeks of Job Seeker's money!! To some though, it's only a day's work.

    But, back to the question, I would advise strongly that he doesn't disguise it. DO NOT start marriage on a lie. If she loves that 7,000 ring that much, chances are she'd know the difference. My marriage ended due to lies, so I'd definitely say no
    I'm not supposed to be normal, I'm supposed to be me
    Quidco cash back since May 2010 ~ more than 83.13
    Must remember to use it more, but every little helps
    • Talent
    • By Talent 17th Feb 10, 12:54 AM
    • 244 Posts
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    Talent
    • #7
    • 17th Feb 10, 12:54 AM
    • #7
    • 17th Feb 10, 12:54 AM
    Start life together with a lie? Think not! Also, two people already know about it, truth will out for one reason or another. Mind you, unless you can afford to set fire to 7 grands worth of notes, you shouldn't be wasting it on a ring....
    • hermum
    • By hermum 17th Feb 10, 1:30 AM
    • 7,012 Posts
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    hermum
    • #8
    • 17th Feb 10, 1:30 AM
    • #8
    • 17th Feb 10, 1:30 AM
    7k on a ring. Absolutely no way, lie, definitely not. If she's that superficial, run, man, run. Else you'll need to work every hour to keep up with the Joneses.
    Give her a ring for a couple of hundred & pay upfront for the rent on an allotment for life, save the rest & have an MSE holiday every year with the interest & money saved on fruit & veg.
    • *Louise*
    • By *Louise* 17th Feb 10, 3:36 AM
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    *Louise*
    • #9
    • 17th Feb 10, 3:36 AM
    • #9
    • 17th Feb 10, 3:36 AM
    If he is daft enough to spend and extra 3k on just a name he is letting himself in for a heap of trouble. That would be MENTAL.

    Likewise I wouldn't advocate putting it in a famous box either - why lie to someone you love.

    He should buy a ring (even 4k is riduculous, I would be terrified to wear something that expensive!) and he could always buy her a 'Cart-any' piece of jewellery for a christmas present at a later date.
    Cross Stitch Cafe member No. 3
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  • silvertree
    He should go for the 4000 ring - its still massively expensive and if its virtually the same, she'll love it anyway. If she doesn't, then she does not deserve it anyway! He shouldn't deceive her though, (not a good start to a marriage!) I reckon she would rather know - it would be no good if she starts going on about her Cart-anys to people when its not - she could up looking a fool.
  • Bright_Eyes
    Spencer should cut his cloth in an honest way from day one. And they should do it together.
    Don't Lie, but if 7000 (even 4000 sheesh!) is beyond your sensible budget for a 'token' talk it over. Discuss what income you have, what you NEED to spend it on (Essentials for life) then what you WANT to spend it on (frippery) and decide together on what you may sacrifice for such a trifle.

    And if you cannot agree on that?????????????????

    Unromantic? So is a life of deceit and debt!
  • cashndash
    he shouldn't do either - 7k or 4k for a ring is madness. She should want to marry him because they love each other, not for a bit of bling!
  • drewscott
    Ditch the wench completely - I couldn't the idea of even dating someone who were that extravagant and high maintenance!
    • MrParr
    • By MrParr 17th Feb 10, 8:43 AM
    • 16 Posts
    • 24 Thanks
    MrParr
    Personally, this is an interesting dilemma as although my OH is not materialistic enough to want a 7k ring, or even a 4k ring, I find it interesting that some people think that 4k is a lot to spend on a ring.

    As I am thinking of buying one shortly, I was just interested in finding out how much is acceptable (and not an insane) amount to spend on an engagement ring?
    • Flickering Ember
    • By Flickering Ember 17th Feb 10, 8:56 AM
    • 11,623 Posts
    • 128,854 Thanks
    Flickering Ember
    If he is daft enough to spend and extra 3k on just a name he is letting himself in for a heap of trouble. That would be MENTAL.

    Likewise I wouldn't advocate putting it in a famous box either - why lie to someone you love.

    He should buy a ring (even 4k is riduculous, I would be terrified to wear something that expensive!) and he could always buy her a 'Cart-any' piece of jewellery for a christmas present at a later date.
    Originally posted by *Louise*
    I totally agree. I wouldn't want such an expensive ring anyway, and brand doesn't matter. I'd happily wear an Argos ring (as long as it looked nice) if it was from the man I love.
    Flickering Embers grow higher and higher...I need a break and I wanna be a paperback writer!
    • BigMark
    • By BigMark 17th Feb 10, 9:00 AM
    • 21 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    BigMark
    If she insists on a 7k ring then make the gold digger buy her own!
  • fruugal
    No, certainly not! He should not lie. He should put the ring on her finger having kept it in his pocket, for she should be delighted that he wants to commit. She may not want to be engaged herself, in which case he'll have the ring back in his pocket.

    The provenance of the ring is beside the point. If he wants he can always buy a little pendant or single charm bracelet to suit his wife to be, from whichever Bond Street jeweller she is most in love with.

    Cautionary note - if she's more committed to a brand than a style of ring then is she the gal for him at all?

    Now, Mr Parr. It depends how much money you earn as to how much you will want to spend on an engagement ring. A ring that you and your gal like is far more important.

    I had a problem with precisely that with my husband who wanted the biggest and most bling ring in the shop. I wanted a pretty well-designed ring that not everyone else I knew would have. I ended up with the ring I liked best, which I could wear every day without damage, and which the wedding ring snuggled into. However, my fiance, as he became, insisted that a big rock had to be worn too so he purchased a huge stone surrounded by diamonds, and I wore that on the other hand.
  • hillijx
    How much you should spend is totally down to the person and their income, on one hand you can't let it put you in debt for the rest of your married life, but on the other hand it will be something that will last forever and be passed down to your children. The general rule of thumb is 2 months salary......... please note - I am not advocating that rule!!!

    But I agree- if she was that bothered about the make then maybe he is marrying the wrong person!

    I say don't lie - that would not make for a happy marriage!!!
    • Proofraider
    • By Proofraider 17th Feb 10, 9:08 AM
    • 18 Posts
    • 21 Thanks
    Proofraider
    No - these things always get found out! What happens if she ever gets it valued for insurance??
    • paulfoel
    • By paulfoel 17th Feb 10, 9:18 AM
    • 5,431 Posts
    • 2,555 Thanks
    paulfoel
    I wouldn't want 4,000 spent on a ring either, as to me that's nearly 63 weeks of Job Seeker's money!! To some though, it's only a day's work.

    But, back to the question, I would advise strongly that he doesn't disguise it. DO NOT start marriage on a lie. If she loves that 7,000 ring that much, chances are she'd know the difference. My marriage ended due to lies, so I'd definitely say no
    Originally posted by WhyIsSavingSoHard
    Arent you hoping to get a job before 63 weeks? :-)
    Cymru am Byth !!!
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