5 months to emerge as a butterfly

benbenandme · 20 December 2021 at 9:57PM

I've had a nicely productive day today; I've done some online training for work as I am going to be doing the governments catch-up tutoring programme after Christmas (assuming schools go back ...), then I've wrapped and delivered a few parcels, cleaned ds bedroom and done some banking stuff, the accounts are looking nicely healthy for this point in December

Tomorrow will be a beach walk kinda day with a detour into town on the way back, that way I don't need to fight for a parking space and I can't buy too much as I'll need to carry it back

benbenandme · 21 December 2021 at 11:29AM

Morning, shortest day of the year today so that makes me feel positive - lighter evenings are on their way

This morning I have been into town, haven't done the walk as planned but have got lots of bits and pieces ticked off my list. I popped into M&S and got the gravy, custard, desserts and also got stuffing reduced (can freeze) and a side of salmon reduced to £9 which will be portioned up and frozen ready for some healthy new year meals.

A few more bits in Waitrose, treated myself to a favourite perfume that was on offer in Superdrug, I often buy myself a present at Christmas, I figure if I was in a relationship I'd find the money to spend on them so I may as well treat myself

I also bought a nice big diary for next year and a big notebook, now i can really start on the new year plans.

Came back home, folded up all the clean washing, delivered the neighbours Christmas cards and have just had a coffee with a millionaires shortbread from the gorgeous patisserie in town. I resist that place most of the year but my birthday and Xmas I allow myself a treat

The rest of today will be spent on staying on top of the housework, decluttering my inbox, maybe some betting bits, Ds is working from 12, I might do him a bacon sandiwch as a quick treat before he goes

benbenandme · 22 December 2021 at 10:21AM

Morning all, a restless nights sleep last night, I think I was too hot. Today I have ordered the last bit from Amazon, now I just need to walk to Sainsburys and get a few foodie bits for ds' stocking and then I think I'm done

I also need to check the veg I got earlier in the week are still okay and top up if needed. Other than that I think I'm there.

Today I am going to tackle the kitchen - sort the cupboards, clean everywhere thoroughly, maybe even do a tip run if needed. Ds is working 12-9 today so I can pop my music on loud and not have to worry about annoying him with it

Buffythedebtslayer · 23 December 2021 at 1:37AM

That sounds like such a lovely relaxed but productive day

Hope it worked out, I am going to the tip on Friday!! I know how to live XX

benbenandme · 23 December 2021 at 9:31AM

Thanks Buffy, well it sort of went to plan, I did only tackle the big double cupboard in the kitchen, but this is by far the worst - anyway, it is now all organised and sparkly again

I did make a start on the plans for the New Year. 2022 is definitely going to be the year of self-care for me

Another restless night last night, maybe because I'm not as tired as when I'm at work, maybe its the mas rubbish I've been eating, maybe its the lack of walking ...

Today will involve the walk to Sainsburys that I didn't do yesterday, wrapping ds presents, generally streamlining the inbox and bookmarks on the laptop and trying to chill a bit. I might do a bit more of the work training too. I'm meant to be meeting a guy for coffee today but I'm not sure about it, I may cancel.

benbenandme · 24 December 2021 at 9:20AM

I cancelled the coffee ... he was sending me far too many heart shaped emojis and it made me feel a bit eww ... then felt guilty later on so messaged him to tell him why I cancelled. We're back to chatting via text again which is fine for now

Went to go and get the last few bits and the car won't start

I think, and am hoping, its just a flat battery, a mate is coming round today to have a look for me.

This morning I've had my shower, wrapped a few more presents (just ds' to go now), tidied up generally and just need now to hoover through and make the sausage rolls. Fingers crossed for the car as I need to get ds to the coach stop early Boxing Day morning to go to his Dads, its a half hour drive and there's no public transport running so need it fixed x

benbenandme · 24 December 2021 at 12:09PM

Sausage rolls are done, all presents are wrapped, have hoovered through and I think I'm there

I would quite like to go for a nice walk down the beach but I don't know what time mate is coming round to look at the car so I need to stay in. I'm going to have a look for some nice boxing day footie offers

benbenandme · 27 December 2021 at 3:21PM

So we made it through Christmas, I feel awful saying that but I really don't enjoy it anymore. I don't understand how something so exciting and magical as a child can be so dull and depressing as an adult

I'd like to do something totally different one year but while Mum is still around that isn't going to happen. Anyway ...

This morning I popped to the shops - got some bread, grapes and then popped into the Next sale, it was truly awful. I used to buy loads in there but it really was just rails and rails of cheap looking tat, it reminded me of Gap and how they went downhill. I didn't spend anything in there, then went to M&S as I wanted a black jumper, but ended up getting some new knickers, a couple of nice reed diffuser sets for my present cupboard and 4 sets of Christmas handwash and hand cream to pop away for the girls in the office for next Christmas, they were £6 reduced to £3 and really lovely.

This afternoon I might meet a friend for coffee or might continue sorting bits indoors. Luckily I didn't over buy food for Christmas so we don't have many leftovers left which actually feels great, no guilt and eating stuff just for the sake of it

beanielou · 27 December 2021 at 9:43PM

With you on Christmas.

benbenandme · 28 December 2021 at 11:54AM

This morning I still have the general feeling of unease, I really don't know why I feel like this. Having googled it seems classic anxiety / depression type stuff, and I need to get myself out of this whirlpool. So today I have finished up the last of the Christmas chocolates - a beautiful box from Waitrose that looked amazing but actually really weren't as great as my head imagined they'd be. That means that all the treat food is gone now, well I still have a tiramisu panettone that I was given, but I'm not keen on it so that may end up in the foodbank box.

Today I am going to spend the day deep cleaning the house and getting it ready for the new year. The tree is going, every cupboard and drawer will be gutted and cleaned and I'm hoping this will help me feel a bit more contented again. My water bottle has been filled and I'm hoping the sugar rush feeling will pass quickly as it feels horrid. I'm actually really pleased that I can't wait to get started on eating clean again

So today is getting my environment clean and organised again day, the next couple of days will be about getting my plans in place and then hopefully I will start to see improvements in my general mood again. I need to get out for a good walk again soon as I haven't done that much recently, but every time I look out the window its chucking it down with rain

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5 months to emerge as a butterfly

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