taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

edited 3 May 2018 at 9:58AM in Debt Free Diaries
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  • efes_shareholderefes_shareholder Forumite
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    so much seems to happen yet I never know where to start with updates 

    daughters party went well , after a bit of a manic day preparing we got mum there and back and everyone had a nice time , ex came and said hello to my mum , with the mad gf in tow who clearly does not want him to talk to me at all , that was fine by me but I didn't need to do any introductions and since my family outweighed him in attendance and my relationship with guests outweighed hers , they stayed out of the way. she always said I controlled things , after the party she will be in no doubt !! it was that ridiculous that she even came to the bar where we were sitting rather then send him as she was petrified that he may actually interact with us. Saw several words being exchanged , including him getting a ticking off for talking to my mum !!!!!n My daughters future father in law had put money behind the bar so we didnt need to spend although my treatments before I went were £75 ( nails , hair etc) which were worth it as everyone was telling me how well I looked (  and how lovely , dont think mad gf liked this either) , sister and I went halves on mum special wheelchair transport which including waiting time was £60 so £30 each.
    Had a good chat with my daughters bf's dad who is a local estate agent , he told me the house on our street up for sale could go for the price they are asking as at the moment prices are stupid and you can pretty much ask what you want. not really what I wanted to hear.

    Yesterday I dropped my son off for his journey home and managed to top up with some more diesel at costco and then came back and just chilled out all afternoon watching the football , fell asleep , cant remember the last time I had a afternoon nap and then cooked a chilli bake for NM and I 
    tonight I'm back over there , we will have a chicken saag again homemade.
    I've got terrible pain with my ladies problem this month so am well dosed up on the pain killer front , hoping I get to the bottom of this mystery soon.

    Budget is looking ok but car service booked in for wednesday and I know I need a front tyre , so it will be a cautious month

    Prem bonds bought a £25 win this month , I felt slightly disapointed although its better then nothing , since the money has been invested there I have won £200 which is far outperforming any savings account , its just a shame its capped and I can't put it all in there !
  • efes_shareholderefes_shareholder Forumite
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    went over to NM's last night , cooked a banging chicken saag but a bit annoyed he was home much later then expected but isn't that men .............am sure their clocks move differently to ours.

    had a call from macmillan today and described some of the things happening with mum , they agreed as I have been noticing that things appear to be changing , mum is more confused , sleeping more , more agitated etc 
    they are calling back later when mum is awake to have a chat with her too.

    Daughter has been in contact and annoyingly there is a attendee at the party testing positive from a flow test , they need to be tested via a pcr to confirm but has sent us all in to a panic . I have tested every other day since my weekend away and have tested negative today as has everyone else in the family , according to the government advise its contact up to 2 days before symptons appear and the positive person only got symptons today so hopefully should be ok but we are all going to have to be wary and on the ball and its irritated me that people dont test before going to these things.
    also phone is popping off with people wanting to know who the person whose tested positive is

    anyway whats done is done , just test now and keep fingers crossed

    tyre light back on the car , service booked in tomorrow , not looking forward to the bill for that 

    checked my credit karma , am now only using 11% of my available credit and my balances are 66% of what they were 3 months ago , feels like im finally getting there.


  • efes_shareholderefes_shareholder Forumite
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    so there was no need to panic over the covid case as the pcr test came back negative , but disapointed people dont do flow tests as standard before going to these things but I guess everyone isnt the same as me. Also wish people waited to be a confirmed case before putting it out there.

    Dropped car of for service and walked the 1.5 mile back home before 7am yesterday , walked down after work to collect it to find it wasn't ready as two tyres need to be ordered and an indicator cover
    said i'd leave it and walk back but mechanic said to take it and he would ring me when the parts came in , asked him how much I was looking at and he said " dont worry about that!" , always a standard answer but in hindsight wish i'd just left it as I now need to take it back down there at some point today.
    Still got a 3 mile walk in for the day so that is a plus and havent paid the bill yet so get to look at my money for longer.

    Have noticed weight has started to sneek back on so I am partaking in stoptober , not for a charity but just for my own muffin top and am trying to cook from scratch where possible rather then rely on processed stuff which I've never been a fan off but does come in to its own when mum doesn't always fancy whats in and its easier just to throw it in the oven.
    Cooked a pasta bol last night , ok it was a jar but threw some onions , mushrooms and cherry toms in to pack it out a bit , have a pot left over which I will take to NM's as he has also put on some pounds which he wants to shift - I guess its called contentment.
    Breakfast yesterday was fat free greek yoghurt with berries and a banana , lunch an egg mayo sandwich.
    I'd like to get back in the gym but right now there seems to be two things lacking - either I don't have the time or I don't have the energy.

    Sibling is at work all day and i have two phone consultations , one at some point with the gp and another with the dietician as follow up from my procedures , also got the car , mum and work to fit in so I'm a bit overhwhelmed with how the day is gonna pan out but hey ho , lets take it one step at a time.

    got to also try and buy some football tickets for a cup game which are cheaper then usual games so a good oppurtunity to go 


  • efes_shareholderefes_shareholder Forumite
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    got the tickets and then realised that I could have cut the cost sitting elsewhere but I took advise from a fan and we are in a good viewing position so I suppose there is no point going if you can't see the game

    Taking my nephew , my friend and NM's work mate , looking forward to it 

    spent £15 in morrisons last night , changed dinner due to yellow stickers on sale , had honey and ginger salmon ( messed it up a bit to be fair) roasted med veg and sweet potato fries which I jazzed up a bit , the veg with oregano and the fries with paprika and chilli flakes

    spoke to the dietician yesterday , I didnt think it would be any help but i get so much pain I have decided I'll give their suggestion of a low fodmap diet a go , may not get truly in to it until after xmas but got to be worth a good go
    also had gp visit for my eyes and headaches , shes going to do a blood test for menopause and also gave me some tablets which may prevent the headaches


  • efes_shareholderefes_shareholder Forumite
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    also work is quiet so thought i'd take a power nap whilst mum slept
    set the alarm for 30 minutes and woke up 90 later ...................fortunately its been quiet
  • efes_shareholderefes_shareholder Forumite
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    Today has been quite chilled , got the car service finished off , needed tyres and a fix to the indicator on my wing mirror too , not much change from 500 
    not happy about that , phone in august , glasses September and now car service has taken any “spare” wage
    i can afford it , I just didn’t want to spend it on car upkeep

    mum seems to be declining , last night was horrendous , she’s been falling to sleep earlier and about 2 hours after she went to sleep , I smelt a familiar waft coming in to my room , went downstairs and she was soundo , sprayed my room with freshener - every time I was drifting off the freshener wore off and the awful stench returned.
    I must have checked downstairs around 4 times and each time she was out for the count , I concluded that she must have terrible wind 
    fast forward to when I did hear movement and without being too graphic it was the worse scene I have encountered yet.
    the marigolds went on , the huge wipes came out , the mop was out , washing machine started and the black bin had to be emptied as it was full of bags of debris.
    She had emptied out in her sleep and was blissfully unaware.
    she’s slept so much more the last few days , she’s probably only awake around 6 hours of the day , tops and she doesn’t ask what’s for breakfast/ dinner etc , she’s still eating but has little appetite and the amount she is eating is definitely significantly smaller.
    she’s still getting confused , thinks we have days out planned , have been on tv quiz shows and other bizarre thoughts.
    ive been and bought her some cosy pjs today as a lot of hers are now looking sorry for themselves and who doesn’t like new Pjs?? Also picked up some flowers as tomorrow is the anniversary of her wedding to my now deceased step dad.
    macmillan will call on Monday , I am going to insist they arrange some kind of home visit regardless of how mum says she is 
    she is taking more oralmorph on top of her slow release and saying she has a lot of pain in her back 
    I’m due to go to NMs tomorrow , I will go but I’m mindful that things look like they are starting to change , I don’t want to go far or make many plans 
    feel even more in limbo then ever , feel like none of these organisations actually listen to you or explain why certain symptons are happening , I’ve had more information from a dear friend who lost her mum to the same disease last year then I have from Macmillan , district nurses or our GP.
    I feel I’ve complained about the challenges looking after mum brings , the imbalance in the expectation of me compared to other family members etc where I should just be appreciating the fact that I have her there.
    ive focused so much on her needs , keeping her as safe and well nourished as I can , helping her with day to day tasks and keeping the house clean and functioning , the fridge stocked , the medications available that I’ve not really sat and processed the fact that at some point this ghastly disease will take her , it just seems like another motion I’m having to go.
    do you ever fully process impending death when you are caring for someone 24/7 ?
    I don’t know I’ve never been here before 

    anyway enough morbid talk , we can only see how she is tomorrow and what it brings 
  • luciellelucielle Forumite
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    I'm not sure if this will help....but here goes.  My mum died in 2018 (not from what your mum has) and as harsh as it sounds it was a relief for her and me.  She hadn't been 'mum' for a long time and I think I'd grieved for her a while ago.  When the inevitable happens it will be a flurry of organisation.  It probably won't be until afterwards that you'll be able to bring your feelings to front.  I'm not making myself very clear but I'm here and sending you love and light and strength to keep going.

    L x
    Total Debt Dec 07 £59875.83 Overdrafts £2900,New Debt Figure ZERO !!!!!!:j 08/06/2013
    Lucielle's Daring Debt Free Journey
    DFD Before we Die!!!! Long Haul Supporter #124
  • efes_shareholderefes_shareholder Forumite
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    lucielle said:
    I'm not sure if this will help....but here goes.  My mum died in 2018 (not from what your mum has) and as harsh as it sounds it was a relief for her and me.  She hadn't been 'mum' for a long time and I think I'd grieved for her a while ago.  When the inevitable happens it will be a flurry of organisation.  It probably won't be until afterwards that you'll be able to bring your feelings to front.  I'm not making myself very clear but I'm here and sending you love and light and strength to keep going.

    L x
    Thanks Lucille 
    I don’t think mums really been mum since we lost my step dad 5 years ago
    i feel sad that due to years and years of mental health issues and depressions I don’t think she’s ever really embraced and appreciated life , now it’s nearing an end she’s clinging on to every moment and isn’t ready to leave 
    today she was talking about Xmas and would it be ok to give the grandkids money etc , she’s not ready to go even if she is pretty housebound without much quality of life
    I could have it wrong and we could be just having a bad week but my sis has noticed and so have the carers , I’ve been wrong before I could be again 

    when my stepdad died I remember everything being a haze for a few days a bit like when you have a newborn baby but my sister and I just kicked in with being there for mum , was slightly different as he wasn’t my blood father but was very much a hands on step dad 
  • BuffythedebtslayerBuffythedebtslayer Forumite
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    Sending you lots of love Efes XXX I don't think you do ever really understand what is going on, like you I focus on the practical essentials. Your head is always full of what to offer for dinner or when the next cup of tea will be. Really lots of love to you XXXX


    Nevertheless she persisted.
  • Kitten868Kitten868 Forumite
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    I'm so happy to hear you had your lovely weekend. And also glad that your daughters party went well without any control from crazy gf. Sounds like she's marrying into a nice family. 
    I'm sorry it's been harder on your mum this week. None of it is easy, is it? Sounds like the oramorph is doing the best it can though and that's why she's sleeping so much. 
    Could you book a week off work anytime soon? You said you have leave you need to use and I think you could do without one of your jobs for a bit. I know it wouldn't be time off but could be just less to have to fit into a day for long enough you might catch up on yourself with sleep. 
    I'm so impressed with how strong and resilient you are still for your mum. No wonder you have no space to grieve with everything else you have to do. Sending you love and strength xxx
    Loan 1 £5200/£8000
    Loan 2 £300/£5800
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