5 months to emerge as a butterfly

edited 6 April 2020 at 8:50AM in Debt Free Diaries
691 replies 90.3K views


  • benbenandmebenbenandme Forumite
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    So I am now back in the land of being single ... I unexpectedly had a friend request from his ex on facebook yesterday, and a message asking to buy some cards ... anyway, started chatting and he had been to her house after work (told me he was seeing his son) and had sex, she voice recorded him talking to prove it (saying we weren't together, are just mates) and sent it to me. He walked in the door, I asked how his son was and he said fine then I played the recording ... his face was a picture, I told him to put his key on the table and f*** off out my house. He had been messaging her for months and they had met up twice before, once when he told me it was his xmas night out with workmates he'd booked them a hotel for the night. He told me he had drunk too much and crashed on a mates sofa. Hey hp, you live and learn :( 
    Onwards and upwards ... day 18 today of the detox, I didn't let him make me cheat on sugar, not even tempted to reach for the chocolate last night :) 
    Mortgage Total: £62,273 / £75,000 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    2022 Extra £££ earned £5 Matched Betting profits £322.60
  • superpupsuperpup Forumite
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    Unbelievable :'( I’m so sorry. Well done for being strong and not letting him derail your plans. X
  • Daisy78Daisy78 Forumite
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    Oh that's not good!  :'( Definitely well done for not caving in to the sugar last night. As you say, onwards and upwards x
  • edited 18 June 2020 at 8:43PM
    redcurlypandaredcurlypanda Forumite
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    edited 18 June 2020 at 8:43PM
    I can't type what I think of him & to be honest he certainly wouldn't be worth my time & effort!
    Whereas for you, I think you are an amazing young lady! 
    You take life in your stride. 
    You've raised your son singlehanded. 
    You had a dream of a house with a garden & a dog which you've made come true!
    Your grit & determination will take you a long way in life & I'm sure that when the time is right you'll meet someone to share your future with.
    In the meantime at least your house is nicely decorated & the garden has been improved!
    Sending my love
    RCP x
  • benbenandmebenbenandme Forumite
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    So he's coming with his mate at 11 today to get the rest of his stuff, I have asked to talk to him later as I need some answers so I can move on. It's strange, I am really hurt but I don't have that longing to have him back / can't live without him feeling that I've had in this situation before. He's hurt me really badly, to do what he did especially after everything ds Dad put me through and he knew how long it took me to be ready to trust anyone after that, and I know it will take some time to recover from that hurt - my self-esteem is really poor usually anyway and now it feels justified if someone can treat me with that little thought. Someone who said they loved me, was making plans with me, and the whole time was just living a lie, if they value me so little it makes me feel like sh*t. Bit I will get over it, and already I know I want to find someone else. Not in a "I need someone, I can't cope on my own" kinda way but that I've realised that actually I'd quite like having someone to share stuff with. But for now I need to take care of myself. I need to eat something today, I've lost 5lbs since Wednesday  :o I had lunch on Wednesday (before I found out any of this) and since then I've eaten some blueberries. Let's get seeing him over with then it's time to start focusing on me x 
    Mortgage Total: £62,273 / £75,000 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    2022 Extra £££ earned £5 Matched Betting profits £322.60
  • BuffythedebtslayerBuffythedebtslayer Forumite
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    I read something a long time ago by good old Susan Jeffers. She wrote about having a Whole Life and I think that you do, you have loads of friends, love your job, run your business, have followed all of your goals big or small with such utter determination, you have your son. It is a horrible and sad thing to happen but it is one part of your life. And I think perhaps this time you know that. It is bad but it will be ok. In fact it will be better. 
    Much life Benben XXXXX 
    Nevertheless she persisted.
  • BlackcatsBlackcats Forumite
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    I hope that this morning is okay and that when you talk later it helps you.  I realise that however many people tell you that you are worth better and are an amazing person that you will not immediately feel better but hopefully we will help you feel cared about and valued and then, in time, you can plant the little seeds of recovery to help your self esteem.  Take care and try and eat something today.  X
  • benbenandmebenbenandme Forumite
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    Thank you Buffy, yep you'er right, there is a bit of me that feels excited about the future, that finally after everything ds Dad put me through and now this I can actually see what I want, no hiding at home not wanting to get out there in case I get hurt. It will be a new chapter, I need to take some time to heal first but I do feel excited about the future. 
    We both knew it wouldn't work long-term so there was probably always a bit of me that was subconciously thinking about what it would be like when I was on my own again, but it's the lies and deceit that's floored me. There is just never, ever a reason to treat someone like that and I never would so I hate that yet again it's happened to me. But I can't control other people or their choices, he needs to live with that and I hope he'll learn from it, but if it doesn't even bother him then that's a scary place to be and I'm well shot in the long-run. I think also I'm just determined not to waste so much time on him as I did on ds Dad.
    Mortgage Total: £62,273 / £75,000 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    2022 Extra £££ earned £5 Matched Betting profits £322.60
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