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Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

edited 30 November -1 at 12:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
1.8K replies 453.3K views
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  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    hb2 wrote: »
    Stay strong Ss, nothing will change unless you do!

    I am working on me,
    I have had three customers this morning, and so I have plenty work.
    I just came into the house to call my Mum and make a cup of tea. Dgs2 went into nursery happy and singing and was off. No clinging etc.
    Dgs1 went in easily too. I find walking them to school helps me too.
    DS took Dgd and was going to speak to the school because Dgd has brought up bullying again.
    I have a meeting with the school next week. I don't know what was said as DS has gone out at the moment. At least I know that the house is not going to be any messier than it was when I started work.

    Tea break over.
    Time to sew.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • pollyanna_26pollyanna_26 Forumite
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    I'm glad you managed to get out for some you time last night with a friend Ss. You don't seem to get many breaks for yourself while ds is often out with the gf etc.


    dgs2 sounds like a sociable little boy who likes to play and mix with others so nursery should help him use up excess energy and learn new things with his peers. In primary school we found after settling in children were glad to get to bed and sleep well as they tired themselves out during the day. Hopefully the naps will not be needed so much soon and he'll sleep through.


    Poor dgd let's hope school can sort the problem this time effectivly. There should be no tolerance when bullying is involved. Has dgd said whether it's on or off school premises? Hopefully not using the crutches should help her so good advice from Biggest. When youngest has needed her crutches it's made things harder due to the strain on her wrists, shoulders etc. In fact her gp has told her to use the wheelchair instead when needed. Not necessary for dgd thankfully.


    You mentioned your son needing to help with school runs. Do you use the help word when talking to him? Don't make it sound as though you're asking him for help. You are expecting him to do his share of childcare which should be a role he expects. It doesn't matter whether it's taking his own 2 or if as this week you're doing that taking dgd as you can't be in 2 places at once.


    Ognums idea of a rota is good. As much as possible things need to be clear and arranged in advance. Of course plans will change sometimes but he does need to learn to play his part rather than make excuses and end up upsetting others. He manages to get out and about with the gf etc so should be able to play his part at home.
    pollyx
    It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    Today was a better day all round, after Dgd went to school but I still had to go in late morning to take her some paracetamol in.
    Biggest rang to check up on me, as did my brother as he was also worried about me as I was dealing with two arguing boys etc when he rang yesterday and he got my moaning and ranting a bit.
    I will hopefully get some more me time next week when DS is not working a couple of evenings.
    Dgs2 enjoyed Nursery and they said he was great. He was happy as Larry when I went to collect him and he had had a short nap.
    He was full of life as we collected dgs1 and then Dgd. We were home about an hour by the time DS got back from the dentist and he was just in time to meet the new social worker. She seems ok.
    The Guardian is planning on coming to talk to us Tuesday except it is at the same time as my Solicitor appointment in Banbury, followed by a School appointment two hours later. Things are very tight now, as the date for court is looming.

    On the sewing side I managed to sew about £90 worth of work, and listened to my Business video session while I sewed.

    I thought the children would go to sleep easily tonight but dgs2 is still messing around and keeping getting out of bed.
    I am just going to see where DS has disappeared too, as he's not been in to say anything to them.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • NeilCrNeilCr Forumite
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    Can I suggest that you, if you can, actually go out on at least one of the evenings next week. It will give you a break and your son won't be able to lean on you!
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    Can I suggest that you, if you can, actually go out on at least one of the evenings next week. It will give you a break and your son won't be able to lean on you!

    Yes I will. Definitely.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
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  • hb2hb2 Forumite
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    Good idea Neil.
    It's not difficult!
    'Wander' - to walk or move in a leisurely manner.
    'Wonder' - to feel curious.
  • edited 17 January at 7:59AM
    NeilCrNeilCr Forumite
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    edited 17 January at 7:59AM
    hb2 wrote: »
    Good idea Neil.

    Thank you!

    :o:o

    One of the hardest things for my OH (from my POV anyway) is that, because of the commitment to her granddaughter (and her other family) she has lost touch with friends and a lot of her separate social life. We either go out together or with my friends - which is fine - everyone likes everyone else. But I'd love for her to be out with her own mates doing her own thing, as well.

    She used to volunteer and that has had to go, too. She's, for the first time for a while, arranging to meet an old friend soon and I am dead chuffed

    It's easy in this sort of situation to get so subsumed by the family that everything else becomes secondary. We all need a life of our own. I worry that ss is getting sucked into this vortex, herself.
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    Valid points Neil.
    I will definitely put me time in my planner, and try to touch base with my friends a bit more.
    That little word of Organised springs to mind.

    Dgd2 didn't settle so easily last night, but he did only wake at 2am and then 6.15 this morning. Which is a result.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    DS was at his Solicitor today, he has been told that the social are proposing to the court that he must leave by March.
    That has thrown me as nobody told me, and along with a lot of reports that I have not had it apparently appears he knew before Christmas. Why didn't anyone tell me what they were proposing?
    I knew that eventually he would want his own place but if the social want him to go will they be allowed to make him homeless?
    With his debts he won't get a private rental, and he cannot afford it anyway.
    Can they make him leave? Without helping him find a roof over his head?
    I know that I would like him to leave eventually but I was hoping that we both could help each other until he was sorted and the boys were a little older. But what is miffing me the most is nobody told me that was their plan.

    I will not have any time off now.
    Ok I can deal with it. I have no choice but it would have been nice to have been made party to the decision seeing as I am the one left with out the small support I did have, and I had to find out through his paperwork and not mine.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • pollyanna_26pollyanna_26 Forumite
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    Ss I'm not sure on all the legalities. I imagine if you opposed his leaving against the wishes of SS it will take everything back to square one again.


    Now he has been told I'd imagine you should be contacted too. If you think backto when you were thinking through taking on the care of the little ones, you had plans and solutions. A nanny or approved childcare when needed. I'm not sure if gs1 is full or part time in pre school. gs2 is I assume going to be part time at least until settled.


    You did take into account it would be you with some respite. If you are going to work there are solutions. It's obvious something needs to change at home and maybe the best chance to ever solve the issues with ds is for him to have to do his own sorting out rather than rely on you. I find his lack of respect for you upsetting and deeply unfair. As others have mentioned he should be a role model for his boys instead he upsets granny instead of working with you to care for them



    Hopefully you'll hear for yourself the full terms of any decisions and know for sure how things stand asap. His solicitor is working on his behalf so natural ds has been given info on his involvment.


    £90 worth of work is a good result.


    Back to counting sheep
    pollyx
    It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.
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