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How to tell if someone is dying
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Stoodles
Forumite 792 posts
We've had several sets of nurses and paramedics out today, and the last ones said they thought my mother was dying and would probably slip away during the night.
But now my brother/sister in law are here she seems to have rallied and is talking almost coherently to them. The rest of the family have to decide whether to travel overnight, and I don't know what to advise them.
Can anyone suggest any signs to look for?
But now my brother/sister in law are here she seems to have rallied and is talking almost coherently to them. The rest of the family have to decide whether to travel overnight, and I don't know what to advise them.
Can anyone suggest any signs to look for?
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When MIL died, one daughter and SIL had decided to go home as it was felt she would last through the night, they got home to the phone call that she had passed 20 mins after they had left
If family want to say their goodbyes, a day too soon is better then 20 mins too late
If you are unsure then perhaps people should travel anyway.
My sibling has always regretted waiting till the morning when a grandparent was dying because they were advised it could wait till then. Sadly, they them did not arrive in time.
I've contacted the Community Team,as they were respecting the DNAR, but now it looks as though it may be a question of life enhancing rather than life sustaining treatment
When my brother was dying I was away on holiday in this country.
I got a call at 6.00am to say he did not have much longer.
We packed up and went straight there
He passed away at around 1.00pm.
I am glad I went straight away and got to say my last goodbyes to him as heartbreaking as it was.
When I got a call to say my niece was dying I was due to visit the next morning everyone thought she had a couple of weeks or so left.
Sadly she passed that same night so I never got to say goodbye.
Please don't stress too much about this. Be kind to yourself.
There isn't one universal sign or set of signs that someone is near the end, although a common warning is when a person's breathing pattern changes. It's called Cheyne-Stokes respiration and generally consists of normal inhalation and exhalation followed by a pause after breathing out, sometimes quite a long one, before the next inhalation. It can be subtle to start with but the pauses get longer over time. This can start anything from a few hours or a few days before the end comes with the last exhalation. It's more common if someone is slowly ebbing away rather than having suffered a trauma or very sudden death. Breathing may also sound raspy or rattly or as if someone is snoring,
Another sign often seen is relaxation of the muscles keeping the mouth closed so a person's jaw drops.
But all these may be absent and the end may come unexpectedly. We have waited with someone over several days knowing that life was ending soon, then when the end actually came it was a total shock as there was an exhalation and then just nothing. And someone else just slipped into a coma which became deeper over several hours until the end came.
Whatever happens, I send warmest thoughts to you and hope you will all find strength together.
MumOf2
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Thank you so much for your wise words, BrassicWoman. A comfort indeed.
MumOf2
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I think that’s actually quite common, as if the dying person ‘hangs on’ as long as their loved one is around for their sake but slips away quite soon after they leave.
2 hours later I got a call "it's time" and I went there at 7pm, I left at midnight .... no change in that time. I returned at 11am the next day and it ended up being 2pm the following day.
Nobody can tell.