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Am I being unreasonable?

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Weddings & Anniversaries
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EmmarjeffEmmarjeff Forumite
1 posts
edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Weddings & Anniversaries
I used to have a really close friend. Our friendship was hit with a few rough patches and got quite toxic. I ultimately said I needed space and we didn’t speak for a year. We’ve since ‘made up’ and I attended her wedding. I also attended her hen do even though I was on my own, felt incredibly awkward and it cost me north of 200/300.

I’m now engaged and my bridesmaids have been planning a surprise hen do for myself. They have set a budget of £200 and scheduled it for a bank holiday weekend next year. They have a WhatsApp group with themselves and all the girls- I am not on the group.

This friend confirmed she was coming from the beginning however, a few weeks ago she backed out and didn’t provide a reason - she has yet to tell me anything!

I can’t help but feel hurt after I put myself out there and spent a good deal of money for her hen do. I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt until she tells me herself however I am feeling hurt and frustrated. What should I do- confront her and explain why I’m upset or wait until she tells me herself?

Hoping someone can provide some advice!

Replies

  • MovingForwardsMovingForwards Forumite
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    As you've put 'made up' it seems like there are unresolved issues.

    Just forget about her, move on and concentrate on your future.
  • ska_loverska_lover Forumite
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    Don't go looking for drama where there is none

    I mean to say, so someone has backed out of your hen night - yes you went to hers.... but is it really tit for tat?

    It was your choice to go on her hen do alone and spend £200. It was an invite not a demand - but you seem to be holding her accountable for it. You could have declined, I mean really it is not a biggie

    Don't let it get you down.

    Do not let the minutiae take the shine off what should be one of the happiest times of your life, over a friendship that was already fragile - and in reality I don't think she has done anything wrong in backing out of an invitation
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • SocajamSocajam Forumite
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    Agree with everyone concentrate on what you want from your hen night and wedding.
    If she wants to change her mind again, that's on her. Don't even mention it, the last thing you need is for her to know that you are hurt - control.
    You now know where you stand with her and keep that thought in mind from now one - never close both of your eyes with her - have one open always.
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    Emmarjeff wrote: »
    I used to have a really close friend. Our friendship was hit with a few rough patches and got quite toxic. I ultimately said I needed space and we didn’t speak for a year. We’ve since ‘made up’ and I attended her wedding. I also attended her hen do even though I was on my own, felt incredibly awkward and it cost me north of 200/300.

    I’m now engaged and my bridesmaids have been planning a surprise hen do for myself. They have set a budget of £200 and scheduled it for a bank holiday weekend next year. They have a WhatsApp group with themselves and all the girls- I am not on the group.

    This friend confirmed she was coming from the beginning however, a few weeks ago she backed out and didn’t provide a reason - she has yet to tell me anything!

    I can’t help but feel hurt after I put myself out there and spent a good deal of money for her hen do. I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt until she tells me herself however I am feeling hurt and frustrated. What should I do- confront her and explain why I’m upset or wait until she tells me herself?

    Hoping someone can provide some advice!
    Maybe she's not told you anything because she thinks the hen do is a surprise and to talk to you about it would spoil that surprise.

    I think you're over-thinking this and looking for something that probably isn't there.

    And invitations aren't tit-for-tat.
    Just because you accepted her invitations doesn't mean she has to accept yours.
  • frugalmacdugalfrugalmacdugal Forumite
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    Hi,


    as it's a 'surprise' then she maybe thinks that you don't know, so you won't be too bothered.


    She's a married woman now, so maybe husband not happy with her gallivanting to a hen do, you know the frolicking that goes on at them, ;), or she may be 'with child'.


    Is she and husband invited to wedding and accepted?
    Y'all take care now.
    happy0207.gif

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