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Last ooorders!… We’re sorry but for now, due to resources, we need to close the Money Savers Arms including Discussion Time.

It’s not easy to write this. We love the forum, but we also have a job to do to protect it, our users and MoneySavingExpert, and at the moment, with all our resources focused on Coronavirus information, and all the team at home, we don’t feel we have the resources to do a good enough job.

For four months, we’ve been struggling to cope with the huge volumes of messages we’ve been getting from Forumites – many of whom are in desperate and dire straits with their finances. The team have been working all hours to try and keep on top of it. At first we thought it’d be a short sharp spike, but it isn’t, it’s continuing, so we have had some difficult choices to make about prioritisation.

Unfortunately in, and likely because of, these stressful times, the Forum team have also been receiving an increasing number of complaints about posts made on the Money Savers Arms and Discussion Time. The team have done what they can to try and walk the tightrope of balancing all the various interests, but for now we need to draw a line under this and temporarily close this Board, so we can keep the key, MoneySaving boards – where people are supporting each other through this crisis - running smoothly.

We know this board is important to you, but as the MSE stance has been forbearance throughout this crisis, now we ask that of you. We’re sorry. Of course you can post on other boards, but we’d ask you to stick to the subjects of those boards, and not use them as a surrogate Money Savers Arms or Discussion Time. And as always please be kind and friendly to each other, especially any newbies.

Thanks
MSE Forum Team

Funny Joke Thread

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Funny Money
6.4K replies 910.5K views
1631632634636637639

Replies

  • RobisereRobisere Forumite
    3.2K posts
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Photogenic Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭
    A few more:

    HOSPITALS

    A wife is visiting her husband in hospital "Darling," he says anxiously "They obviously have no idea what's wrong with me."

    "Why do you say that darling?"
    *
    *
    *
    *
    "Because there is a Suggestion Box at the end of my bed."
    _____________

    A ward nurse answers the phone and the caller asks:
    "Can you tell me how Mr. Bloggs is in bed 7 please?"

    "Certainly, Mr Bloggs is now out of danger and recovering well. Who is this please?"
    *
    *
    *
    "It's Mr Bloggs in Bed 7. Nobody tells me anything."
    ________________

    Due to a Urology error, orange juice is off the breakfast menu.
    ________________

    Nurse to patient: "They're bringing in a case of diarrhea."
    *
    *
    *
    Patient "Can't be worse than the coffee here!"
    ________________
    I think this job really needs
    a much bigger hammer.
  • AskalabaAskalaba Forumite
    61 posts
    Debt-free and Proud!
    I girl said she met me at a vegetarian club but I swear i'd never seen herbivore
    Absolutely love a good bargain. If anybody has any money saving tips please send them my way :j
  • NaughtiusMaximusNaughtiusMaximus Forumite
    2.4K posts
    1,000 Posts Third Anniversary
    ✭✭✭✭
    I got sacked from my last job for asking customers if they wanted 'smoking or non-smoking'.

    Apparently the correct phrase is 'cremation or burial'.
  • Ebe_ScroogeEbe_Scrooge Forumite
    4.7K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭
    A man wakes up in hospital after an accident, and the doctor tells him that whilst he's lucky to be alive, they have had to amputate his penis. Seeing the look of horror on the man's face, the doctor tells him that there is a new procedure that's just been developed, where they can grow a new appendage in the lab from stem cells, to whatever size is required, and graft it on. However, it's not available on the NHS, and it's not cheap - it costs £5,000 per inch.

    The doctor suggests that the man discusses it with his wife when she comes to visit that evening, and he can let the doctor know their decision the next morning.

    So next morning, the doctor comes to see the man.

    "Did you speak to your wife last night ?".
    "Yes, we talked through the pro's and con's, and talked about what sort of size we should go for".
    "And what was your decision ?"
    "We're having a new kitchen".
    I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.
  • SystemSystem
    177.7K posts
    10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    ✭✭✭✭✭✭
    Why couldn’t the bicycle stand?


    Because it’s two tyred
  • Ebe_ScroogeEbe_Scrooge Forumite
    4.7K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭
    Why do teddy bears never need to eat ?

    Because they're always stuffed.
    I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.
  • UncleFeushyUncleFeushy
    8 posts
    MoneySaving Newbie
    That just made my day thanks for all of the jokes
  • Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym
    A: To get better buns!
  • Ebe_ScroogeEbe_Scrooge Forumite
    4.7K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    ✭✭✭✭
    Picture the scene. A cute little girl, about 4 years old, playing in her garden during the summer holidays. She's fascinated with the building work that's going on at the back of their garden, and enjoys watching the builders working. They notice her watching them, and, being a friendly bunch, ask if she'd like to help them. She eagerly grabs her little red wellies and her Fischer Price wheelbarrow, crawls through a hole in the fence and joins them on the building site.

    All week she helps the workmen, trundling the odd brick around in her wheelbarrow, sweeping up, pouring the water into the cement mixer and suchlike. Each lunchtime the men share their sandwiches with her. She's one of the team.

    Come Friday, the foreman hands round the men's pay packets. They all open their little brown envelopes, fish out a few coins, put them into another envelope, and give the little girl her very own pay packet.

    She goes home, and proudly shows her mum. "Where did you get that ?", Mum asks.
    "I earned it", says the little girl proudly, "working on a building site".
    "Well done", says Mum. "That's lovely. So will you be doing some more building next week".
    "Yes", says the little girl ........ "As long as those useless c*nts at Jewsons pull their fingers out of their ar*es and deliver the f**ing bricks".
    I may not know much about art, but I know what I like.
  • debitcardmayhemdebitcardmayhem Forumite
    10K posts
    Tenth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    I was the foreman at the site above, https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=76320828&postcount=6340
    anyhow the following day a young chap came looking for work, I said your voice is a little high young lad are used to hard work?, he said "yes I don't mind working and my voice is due to an accident losing by testes when I was young". So I said Ok come here tomorrow and we'll give you some work. He said "what time shall I come in?" So I said we start at 8 am but scratch our b*lls for two hours so come in at 10
    🍺 😎 Still grumpy, and No, Cloudflare I am NOT a robot 🤖
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