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MIL's Will - Odd Situation

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Deaths, Funerals & Probate
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  • ArtytartyArtytarty Forumite
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    Accept the money and if it's a substantial amount she can give a bit to each of her siblings. She will be glad of it at some point.
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  • PasturesNewPasturesNew Forumite
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    Her information is pretty much a public record, so could be obtained by the executor. All she needs is the birth certificate, address, bank details.

    Your daughter should accept the money - if she doesn't think so then that's just her inexperience of life clouding her overall/clear judgement.

    Just provide the documents, take the money - and leave it at that.
  • rach_krach_k Forumite
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    Send the birth certificate. Use another family member's address if she really doesn't want her aunt knowing where she lives - does she already know your address, or somebody else's so it wouldn't be sharing anything new? Request a cheque as payment, then share it with siblings if she wants. Seems very simple to me.
  • getmore4lessgetmore4less Forumite
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    Why is the Aunt not blocked if she does not want any contact?
  • edited 14 August 2019 at 2:52PM
    olgadapolgaolgadapolga Forumite
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    edited 14 August 2019 at 2:52PM
    Okay, firstly, We don't know for certain that the message was from SIL as the FB account isn't accessible to anyone. No photos/friends/other details. We have no evidence that MIL has even died as her Will isn't on the government probate link given earlier. It maybe that probate isn't necessary or that it isn't showing yet.

    However, assuming that the message is genuine and is actually from the SIL:

    The SIL has requested electronic copies via Facebook, so there is not an address to send any documents to. The problem is that SIL doesn't know for certain that the person she has messaged is, in fact, the beneficiary of the bequest. Presumably that is why she has requested passport/birth certificate.

    My daughter has anxiety and other MH issues, which is why she doesn't want SIL having her address. Apart from the fact that SIL is not a nice person. Her message to my daughter was curt, very curt, and she knew that my daughter would have the task of telling DH that his mother had died. Which is pretty much her style. She would not have got in touch to say that her mother had died unless she HAD to. We were not expecting to ever know that MIL had died.

    DH and I are of the opinion that she should accept the money as it will help her greatly through university but also feel that it is my daughter's decision to make.

    SIL does not have our address as we have moved twice since she last spoke to us. My mum is happy for any documents to be sent to her address so that's one issue resolved but I am not convinced that my daughter should send documents electronically, based on one FB message. Perhaps she should message the person we are presuming is the SIL and ask her to send a copy of the Will etc to my mum's address before sending any documents to her?

    As for sharing the bequest, knowing her siblings as I do, they would not want it anyway. My daughter just feels bad about it as her grandmother made no secret of the fact that she favoured my daughter (which I have explained to her, was not her fault but her grandmother's. Just as it was her grandmother's decision to completely cut us off when FIL died).

    Aunt was not blocked by my daughter as she did not think that aunt would ever get in touch, having ignored us all for the last 15 years.

    I know that this all seems to be a storm in a teacup. We have never tried to influence the children about their father's side of the family, just as we have never tried to influence them about religion or subject choices at college. But I have to think about my daughter's fragile mental health and how to support her as best I can.
  • FlugelhornFlugelhorn Forumite
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    How about - sending a message to SIL via Facebook asking that a copy of the death cert and a letter identifying the required info is sent to DD at othergranny's address?

    If it is all a spoof / scam then that won;t happen - if SIL is doing her job properly then all will happen - suspect SIL has been very stuck not knowing how to contact you and has done well in tracking you down.

    Definitely worth getting the money and sharing with sibs - if you don't help her now, then in the future she may resent it if she is short of cash.
  • olgadapolgaolgadapolga Forumite
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    Flugelhorn wrote: »
    How about - sending a message to SIL via Facebook asking that a copy of the death cert and a letter identifying the required info is sent to DD at othergranny's address?

    If it is all a spoof / scam then that won;t happen - if SIL is doing her job properly then all will happen - suspect SIL has been very stuck not knowing how to contact you and has done well in tracking you down.

    Definitely worth getting the money and sharing with sibs - if you don't help her now, then in the future she may resent it if she is short of cash.

    This, I think, is what we are going to suggest to DD. We think that she should get the money as she will, undoubtedly need it whilst a student. Her siblings won't care or be resentful as they knew what their grandmother was like as she made no secret of the fact that my DD1 was the favoured child. Thank goodness my lovely FIL saw what was happening and was totally inclusive with his love for them.
  • seven-day-weekendseven-day-weekend Forumite
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    Persuade her to take the money, there is no advantage to not taking it.

    Be aware of the need for identity checks as others have suggested. Get a copy of the will. It will say if she is a beneficiary, and also should have the executor's address on, to which she can send documents.
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
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  • badger09badger09 Forumite
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    Whatever her final decision re the money, your daughter should definitely not provide all that personal information on the basis of one random facebook message from an unverifiable source.

    By all means message back and ask that a copy of the death certificate and will be sent to your mum's address if she's ok with that.

    I would also insist that a physical address be provided for the ID docs to be sent to. SIL has nothing to lose by complying, even if she wasn't messaging the correct beneficiary - apart from the cost of a stamp. Your daughter, however would be taking a huge risk by providing such extensive personal information to such an insecure platform.
  • olgadapolgaolgadapolga Forumite
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    badger09 wrote: »
    Whatever her final decision re the money, your daughter should definitely not provide all that personal information on the basis of one random facebook message from an unverifiable source.

    By all means message back and ask that a copy of the death certificate and will be sent to your mum's address if she's ok with that.

    I would also insist that a physical address be provided for the ID docs to be sent to. SIL has nothing to lose by complying, even if she wasn't messaging the correct beneficiary - apart from the cost of a stamp. Your daughter, however would be taking a huge risk by providing such extensive personal information to such an insecure platform.

    Absolutely agree. I have impressed upon my daughter the risks of sending the information electronically/via the internet. As far as I know she is going to ask that a copy of the death certificate, MIL's Will and a postal address are sent to my mum's address.
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