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Last attempt to get help before divorce and financial abuse sends me to court.

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Martin's Blogs & Appearances & MoneySavingExpert in the News
3 replies 3.5K views
Hello. I really need some advice. I am desperate, and I have tried all avenues I can think of.
I am trying to get out of a relationship with someone who I can now see inflicted financial abuse, for many years. We are now recently divorced, but he is a high conflict (narcissistic?) person who I cannot co parent or parallel parent with.
I sold our house- and despite the fact that I paid for everything, did everything, he will not agree to release any money from the solicitors. We have agree what to do, but he won't do it.
He has created impossibly complicated tax affairs, and has failed to pay child maintenance due to his threatened bankruptcy.
I am step changed up to the max. He pays nothing, does nothing.
I am suffering with my mental health, and am having counseling. I am about to go to court. After nearly 2 years I am left with no choice. That's a taste of the complexities of it all. No-one can help or advise me anymore.
I thought someone might be able to see the bigger picture and help me out.
Please let me know who I can talk to, who might be able to help. I’ve tried HMRC, solicitors, mediation, peer advocacy, the CAB, everything I can think of.
It’s really a very complicated situation; the above is just a fraction of the problems.
Thank you very much in advance.


  • edited 30 July 2019 at 6:05PM
    sourcratessourcrates Forumite, Board Guide
    23.4K Posts
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    edited 30 July 2019 at 6:05PM

    You have posted in a very far out of the way place, no one will read your posts down here, what exactly do you need help with, is it sorting out the debts, the child mantenance, something else ??

    There are no board guides on this section to move your post, so i suggest what you do is be more specific about the help you need, look at the relevant forums, and post again in the most appropriate one.

    It seems you have tried the usual places, so i doubt the opinions of an internet forum can help much more to be honest.
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  • This is the first time I've done any posting, i didn't really know what to do. Thank you for telling me that it wasn't going to work. I guess the main things i need help with are the tax problems he created and so i cannot sort out, that are giving him an excuse to not release any funds. Also his threatened bankruptcy which means i cannot take any CMS i am due as then all my house money will be taken for paying off that He also owes mum tens of thousands.
    I was hoping that some sort of expert might see it as a challenge- it would certainly take time to explain.
    I am not sure where i should put it,. i will have a look and see if there is somewhere better.
    Reading the blog about financial abuse just really make things clear to me- i didn't';t know there was a name for what i experience.
    Thanks again
  • tacpot12tacpot12 Forumite
    5.1K Posts
    Fifth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Go to court. Ask the court to order that the proceeds of the house sale that are yours are released to you without him having to do, sign or agree to anything. His debts are not your debts, so you should still get half the proceeds from the sale of the house.

    You are going to have to co-parent with him, no court will cut a father off from their child unless he is a danger to them. So you will have to find a ways to be a parent to your child and allow times when the father will be the parent. That time will be your time off from the responsibility of parenting.

    His tax problems are his to sort out. What tax problems has he created for you?

    I don't understand your assertion that if you receive child maintenance from the CMS (assuming he is not bankrupt), then your share of the house money will be used to pay off either his bankruptcy or the CMS payments; it wasn't clear what you meant. You need to explain your understanding off the situation better, because it sounds completely wrong.

    No expert will take this case on for nothing. The better the expert, the more they charge. The best expert in your situation is you - you stand to gain the most from educating yourself as to what the law says, and how the law works. You need to break your problem down into stages, and ask for advice on specific issues within each stage, make sure you address the problem to the best forum on MSE to ensure you get the benefit of the knowledge that is available.
    The comments I post are my personal opinion. While I try to check everything is correct before posting, I can and do make mistakes, so always try to check official information sources before relying on my posts.
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