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I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019 - Page 123

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I will cut my coat according to my cloth. {Edited by Forum team} 2019

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  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    Or maybe not! Perhaps wishful thinking on Granny's side. But at least he is not screaming and is now playing with the train set in the sitting room.
    It's very warm today. I hadn't seen the weather forecast. It's quite grey and overcast but muggy.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    Change of Plans. My lad didn't want to stay at Preschool after his ceremony, he wanted to come home to Granny's house. Considering his Mum was at the ceremony and he preferred to come to me that's a positive sign.
    Although it does mean that I now have both of them to do lunch for etc while Daddy is at the physio therapist.
    I am not going to get much done today so I may as well give in gracefully and just enjoy the moment.
    Looks like Wednesday is going to be a full on day . At least the times are creeping up on me and weren't full on from the court the other week.
    I can at least keep the washing moving, and pottered in the kitchen.
    I only managed to sew a couple of tote bag bases this morning before granny duties took over.
    I have told DS that he better come straight back so I can get on and do some of my jobs before my second babysitting duty.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • BrassicWomanBrassicWoman Forumite
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    Mooloo, as having all of the kids is directly affecting the work you get done and so your income - is it maybe time to discuss some payment... ?
    GC Nov 20 £51.16/£100
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    DS is back. 2nd attempt at putting the baby to bed for a nap.
    A little quiet time after running around in the garden.
    I have raked up as many stones and bits of concrete left from the gate to the concrete that is across the grass so hopefully I will be able to get DS to cut the lawn this afternoon. (I won't hold my breath though!)
    I have started weeding out the back as well. While the boys played.
    Much less screaming at each other but still some.
    I would happily have a sleep my self now. But I have to go and check on Mums and move the post etc before she comes home on Monday. Where have those three weeks gone? So fast!
    It's scary to think that I am closing my shop in 2 weeks and it still is full of stock.
    I am searching online sales for Ikea Cupboards to compliment the ones I already have to use in my cabin. Found some in Oxford. So I will have to see if I can borrow DS's car to go get them. Can't see them in my tiny sports car! Certainly not built anyway.
    I have seen quite a few but they go so quickly.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    Mooloo, as having all of the kids is directly affecting the work you get done and so your income - is it maybe time to discuss some payment... ?

    I have tried broaching the subject several times, but all I get is sidetracked or stone walled.
    I need a game plan and an approach shift.perhaps a family meeting is going to be necessary.
    Abscentees can join by WhatsApp or what ever it is called.

    I need to know what I actually need to fill the gaps. It's difficult to know as things keep changing. But I was writing my diary earlier and listing what I needed to approach.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
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  • KxMxKxMx Forumite
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    I agree. I feel that you'll soon be working from home and be seen as an even softer touch (sorry) as to them you will be at home = available. And they'll ignore the working part.

    Working from home can be done very successfully but the boundaries do have to be very clear, in order for the work to get done instead of putting on the washing/ cleaning the floor, or in your case, babysitting.
  • BrassicWomanBrassicWoman Forumite
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    Not to very long ago, you were doing brilliantly at saying "no".

    Maybe have a dig down again for that strength.

    I would also spend some time defining what an "emergency" is. For example, routine medical appointments are not emergencies and people can sort their own childcare out while doing them.

    Something flooding is an emergency for the first day only while they sort themselves out.

    and so on...
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  • Savvy_sewingSavvy_sewing Forumite
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    DS's Children cannot be left with a babysitter Unless social vet them at the moment. Or I would employ one. Biggest can't afford a babysitter at the moment.
    Hopefully soon though.

    A lot has been going through my head on how to approach DS about money.
    This evening I have text him while at Biggests to tell him when I get home we are talking money. Not tomorrow not sometime never but tonight.
    I also am wondering if it would be best to get him to go for debt management or a bankruptcy? I hate to think of that, but truth be told if I bail him out anymore then I could get into financial trouble because I don't know what my income is going to be like now that I am unable to work all day.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
  • pollyanna_26pollyanna_26 Forumite
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    Just my opinion Mooloo but I think ds needs to work his way through some sort of debt management plan repaying the debts he owes and learning the value and responsibility of budgeting and money management.
    Bankruptcy is an extreme option and someone in their mid twenties is likely to see it as a get out of jail card . Not something likely to alter his ways when it comes to life skills and paying his way.
    pollyx
    It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.
  • pollyanna_26pollyanna_26 Forumite
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    Mooloo wrote: »
    DS's Children cannot be left with a babysitter Unless social vet them at the moment. Or I would employ one. Biggest can't afford a babysitter at the moment.
    Hopefully soon though.

    A lot has been going through my head on how to approach DS about money.
    This evening I have text him while at Biggests to tell him when I get home we are talking money. Not tomorrow not sometime never but tonight.
    I also am wondering if it would be best to get him to go for debt management or a bankruptcy? I hate to think of that, but truth be told if I bail him out anymore then I could get into financial trouble because I don't know what my income is going to be like now that I am unable to work all day.


    I've just noticed your comment If I bail him out anymore then I could get into financial trouble . The answer to that is stop bailing him out. Tell him tonight you cannot and wont be doing that from now on. If he walks away as he usually does leave him to get on with it and stay strong.


    If you remember my post some time back re not my circus not my monkeys . At the moment ds and to a lesser degree Biggest and the babysitting are the monkeys now in charge of your circus while you the ringmaster are sidelined by their expectations.


    Time to use the head now rather than the heart . I seem to think you'll be 58 next week. Fast forward a few years and you'll be an exhausted wreck if things carry on as they are. The solution is in your hands , you need to change the dynamics and stop being the solution for everyones dilemmas. It's stopping them problem solving as adults should . However much you plan and mind map your days you're constantly taken off course . If you have a family meeting put your foot down once and for all. Only you can change this.
    pollyx
    It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.
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