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Girlfriend won't sell her house

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Mortgages & Endowments
33 replies 3.5K views
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  • Maybe you yes. But not to me
  • getmore4lessgetmore4less Forumite
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    I believe the same. And I try and support but the more I push the more she thinks I'm being a !!!! and pushy. Which I don't get I've waited and been patient for long enough

    You need the discussion about where she sees her life going.

    If that includes buying a house as a family how does she see that happening.

    No pushing just what she wants, if it is not compatible with where you want to be going you need to review.
  • es5595es5595 Forumite
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    I'm not gonna ask her to marry me just to get her to sell her house. If I'm honest I don't need to get married and im not going to get married.

    Then perhaps you've reached an impasse. You don't want to commit to her and provide stability in her life, so why should she lose the only other stability she has? Or has she been burnt once by someone wanted her name on a mortgage so they can buy a house, and she's not prepared to do it again, especially if you're not prepared to commit to her in return?

    Maybe you both need to sit down separately and write a list of what you want and the compromises you're prepared to make, and then see how they match up? I'm getting the impression that the house issue is just covering over a bigger issue in your relationship, but hopefully I'm wrong.
  • AnotherJoeAnotherJoe Forumite
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    I'm not gonna ask her to marry me just to get her to sell her house. If I'm honest I don't need to get married and im not going to get married.

    It wasn't about getting married for the sake of it it was testing why she's not interested in buying a house with you and was it beCause you weren't interested in committing ? You are the one giving the impression this is becoming make or break. I'm out.
  • How is her house stability? If a house with her ex is more stable than me caring for her for 10years and having 3 children with her then I guess my point or efforts don't mean squat. Just because I don't want to get married doesn't mean I can't be a good partner or dad. If she sold her house with her ex first and things got better I may consider it. But she's not having it all her way. She was old enough to buy the house she's old enough to sort it out.... For me the house is the biggest issue. It needs to go. I'm not an idiot for saying that. It's common sense. I want it to be an issue for my gf as it is for me.
  • julicornjulicorn Forumite
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    If a house with her ex is more stable than me caring for her for 10years and having 3 children with her then I guess my point or efforts don't mean squat. Just because I don't want to get married doesn't mean I can't be a good partner or dad. [...] I'm not an idiot for saying that. It's common sense. I want it to be an issue for my gf as it is for me.

    You've got to talk to your girlfriend. All your posts here project a lot of insecurities around your relationship that can't just be justified simply from her not selling her house.

    Also, in your original post you keep saying 'my own home', 'my options', etc, but also talking about using your gf's income to get the mortgage. I'm assuming it's a home for the both of you, that you would be buying together, but your post really doesn't read that way.

    Basically it just sounds like you both need to get on the same page in terms of what you want your future to look like.
    Original mortgage: December 2017, £203,495
    MFW start: April 2018, £201,800
    Current: £131,000 (-£1,450 overpayment savings pot)
  • ViolaLassViolaLass Forumite
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    How is her house stability? If a house with her ex is more stable than me caring for her for 10years and having 3 children with her then I guess my point or efforts don't mean squat. Just because I don't want to get married doesn't mean I can't be a good partner or dad. If she sold her house with her ex first and things got better I may consider it. But she's not having it all her way. She was old enough to buy the house she's old enough to sort it out.... For me the house is the biggest issue. It needs to go. I'm not an idiot for saying that. It's common sense. I want it to be an issue for my gf as it is for me.

    How much of this have you said to her? Outright, not beating about the bush.

    Have you asked her whether she's 'holding out' for marriage?

    I'm not saying you should propose but if this is what she's 'waiting' for then you need to know.

    What reasons does she give for not dealing with it?
  • So many times Violalass. Till I'm blue in the face. She doesn't even talk about it. Just ignores me and than we fight. Goes round and round in circles. I have no idea why she won't move on with it all. I have no explanation becaus she won't be honest. Sounds crazy but I don't know. She won't tell me.
    I'm seeing a counselor now just to deal with the stress of it all , makes me mad when she's just swanning around like nothing is wrong until we have dissagrement about it. Everyday I stay in hope the next day she will act .
  • getmore4lessgetmore4less Forumite
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    Her life may be too easy so why change.

    Have you looked at what she does when not working?
    what does she do with her earnings.


    Gets a lot more complicated when there are kids as they should be the priority, but careful not to use them as leverage.

    I think it is still down to working out where she sees/wants her life to go.


    Another option is for you to try to get the ex to engage in some progress, might be hard if they have moved away and they may not want to talk to you.

    Any mutual friends that you can bounce stuff off?
  • NBLondonNBLondon Forumite
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    The GF's previous house is a bit of a red-herring isn't it? If the ex is paying the mortgage and she contributes nothing then it doesn't matter that it's empty - depending on the small print of the scheme - he may not be able (or want ) to rent it out; he might plan to move there in 2 years time; he might be working on selling it for a profit or renting it out as soon as the mortgage is cleared. It's only a factor if he might be persuaded to sell up now and that would give the GF a lump sum for a deposit. Which could involve a legal squabble she's not prepared to get into.

    The question is whether you and she are prepared to put together your combined income into a combined home. Even if you would end up paying the bigger chunk. Maybe that would put her in a better place to think about tackling the other house. If she's not up for that - you have a different issue to think about first.

    Good Luck!
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