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Leaving Estate to a spendthrift son.

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Deaths, Funerals & Probate
30 replies 3.2K views


  • MojisolaMojisola Forumite
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    Instead of accumulating more money when you have enough for yourselves and anxieties about the use your son would make of it, why not find a couple of local charities you like and offer them regular financial support.

    If your son does then gamble the rest of your estate away, at least some of your money will have been put to good use.
  • getmore4lessgetmore4less Forumite
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    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts I've helped Parliament
    If you were to leave it in trust, what would you see happening to the main fund if your son were to die without a wife or children to inherit? What if he had children but those children grew up to be spendthrifts too?

    I think you have to accept that once you are gone, if your son is to inherit, then the estate should become his to do with as he wants. You won't be around to see it, and you won't be hurt if he does decide to put it all on red. That's ultimately his choice. You'll be dead.

    That's one advantage of dealing with it while alive you can get the pleasure of seeing it used wisely or stop giving if not.

    A roof over his head may be a decent option to start with, but that just gives him more of his own money to fritter away if so inclined.

    Perhaps rather than worrying about what he may be doing is support any aspirations for his future life and assist as best you can from your life experiences.

    There is that saying when you see wayward kids and young adults, blame the parents.
  • Sea_ShellSea_Shell Forumite
    3.8K posts
    1,000 Posts Fifth Anniversary Name Dropper Hung up my suit!
    Actually on second thoughts, yes, spend it all on yourselves!!! Start to drop hints now that he shouldn't expect to get much because you've decided to become spendthrifts yourselves!!!

    At 27 he's a grown man, he'll have to look after himself!!
    " That pound I saved yesterday, is a pound I don't have to earn tomorrow ":beer: JOB DONE!!
    This should now read "It's time to start digging up those Squirrelled Nuts"!!! :j:j:j
  • FlugelhornFlugelhorn Forumite
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    GM4L's post is quite right, though it is hard to change from saver to spender! after all that is how much of the money was accumulated

    Since realising that we were over the IHT threshold, I have bought two cars - still can't somehow buy new ones but they were still a lot more than I have spent on a car!
  • GersGers Forumite
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    Spend on what you both want! A couple of years ago I was flying out to Australia to attend the funeral of a nephew aged 34, the son of my late brother. One of the other people on the plane said to me something along the lines of 'always fly first class otherwise your heirs will'!

    It's long been the case of spendthrift heirs losing all the family fortunes - think of the many country houses gifted over to the NT.

    You've both worked hard to accumulate, it would make sense to enjoy the fruits of your labour and stop worrying about what happens to your money after you're gone. That's no way to live!
  • Gavin83Gavin83 Forumite
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    triplea35 wrote: »
    He assures me that he only has small flutters on Blackjack but is very secretive about his day to day spending so hard to know.

    And why shouldn't he be? As long as he isn't coming to you asking for money on a regular basis what has his spending got to do with you? Do you discuss your finances with him?

    I agree with your wife, you're being far too controlling here. You either want to give your son an inheritance or you don't. If you don't then either spend it or give it to some other party. If you do it should be his to do with as he wishes. In all honesty what some people consider a 'sensible' use of money others would consider a waste.

    I'm somewhat in your sons position. I know nothing is set in stone but I could potentially inherit a lot of money in the future and I certainly wouldn't describe myself as a saver. I'm not totally stupid with money mind, I'm currently saving for a house and don't drink or gamble that much. My main vice is travelling. I'm also an only child and have no plans to have children of my own. I'd be pretty upset if it came across that my parents didn't trust me to make my own decisions and frankly I'd resent the control.

    In all honesty I'd like to think if a family member left me a sum of money in a will they'd want me to enjoy at least a portion of it, either on a holiday or buying myself something I don't really need. I'd enjoy this 'gift' from the family member and it would be a good way to remember them.

    I do agree with a number of other posters as well though. It's your money, enjoy it.
  • es5595es5595 Forumite
    187 posts
    Third Anniversary 100 Posts
    I'd echo what previous posters have said;
    - start spending some more yourselves, life is for living and you can't take it with you
    - a small regular donation to a local charity/charities, then you know at least some of it is going to a 'good use' if you feel he'll fritter too much
    - give his some more now (and its either got to be no-strings attached or for a specific purpose!) so you can share the enjoyment with him of spending it on the things that make him happy. If you won't enjoy seeing him spend it on holidays etc, maybe broach the subject as 'we know you'd like to own your own house, we'd like to gift you the deposit' etc.
    - trust funds etc are a huge nightmare and the people who seem to benefit the most are those doing the managing and taking a cut for doing so! Spend as much as you can in this life, and if you don't need care etc, whatever was saved for that can go to him.

    Finally, please don't worry about the casino too much, you say he works in hospitality so I assume that he's similar to shift workers and by the early hours when we get to have an 'after-work drink' the only place open is the casino bar!
  • TigsteroonieTigsteroonie Forumite
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    Gers wrote: »
    Spend on what you both want! A couple of years ago I was flying out to Australia to attend the funeral of a nephew aged 34, the son of my late brother. One of the other people on the plane said to me something along the lines of 'always fly first class otherwise your heirs will'!

    If I didn't know better, I'd say you'd met my parents :) New expensive cars, and first class to Australia, they're busy spending it all before I get it :D
    :heartpuls Mrs Marleyboy :heartpuls

    MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remote

    :) Proud Parents to an Aut-some son :)
  • getmore4lessgetmore4less Forumite
    39.1K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts I've helped Parliament
    The trick with the spending is deciding how long you will last when eating into capital

    You need to learn to spend the income first.

    It does not have to be massive spending to start with.

    If you don't like the cold somewhere warm for a month or two over the winter would be a good start.
  • SevenOfNineSevenOfNine Forumite
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    Sounds like he isn't living his life or managing his finances in a way that you approve of. That he might not appreciate how hard you've worked & careful you've been to accumulate your money & attain a good standard of living.

    So you want to control him from the grave, teach him how money should be managed........& that you neither trust nor respect him, your son who you supposedly love.

    He's 27, has a demanding responsible job, has just come out of a long term relationship, unwinds having a few drinks, socialising & a flutter in a casino - perhaps because it's different to his "hospitality" job? 27, not his mid 60's & a mini you!

    You disapprove of his choices, he knows it & has become secretive, making you disapprove even more.

    Drink, drugs, crime, violent towards you or his mum, irresponsible, lazy, relying on handouts from the state or from you. No mention of any of that.

    What is the matter with you. Enjoy what you've worked for, & when you're gone just leave it to your son. I wonder how he would feel if he discovered you'd come up with financial plans to teach him a lesson in good financial management for when you die.
    Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
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