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Barking mad relatives!

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  • NickiNicki Forumite
    8.2K posts
    Would your OH agree to take one for the team?

    Could you say to aunt that whilst you of course are very fond of beige and are keen to see her prosper, that your OH categorically refuses to have her come to live or even stay short term?
  • edited 9 May 2019 at 10:29AM
    ElinoreElinore Forumite
    259 posts
    edited 9 May 2019 at 10:29AM
    Ok, the email will go Friday night (I will explain the delay below). It was not unsimilar to KerryGTs suggestion. Very short and not open to misinterpretation.

    To explain my reluctance, WL was never going to stay here but the fall out after the email was going to be inevitable……. so I had that feeling when you were a kid and you knew you were in trouble……. :D. Therefore, it was a small bit of avoidance on my part - I also took the time to get some impartial advice from Aida (a long-time family friend and wonderful human being)

    Also in my defence, I have an event tomorrow that I have been working towards for nearly two years and I have been trying to make sure it is going to run smoothly so that also taken up a whole lot of my headspace. With this in mind getting hounded with family calls, messages and emails is not what I want on the day.

    it’s a really important event and to honour it it needs to remain my sole focus during the whole thing.

    Not usurped by petty family squabbles. So I have scheduled the email to go on as soon as it done (it’s on delayed send in my outbox) this can be seen two ways - avoidance or control of the impact they have on my time and life (I'm obviously going with the latter!)

    olgadapolga as someone who’s mother is not the best – take my advice don’t ask them. The reply you will get will be full of petty justifications, excuses, self- involved twaddle and look to ultimately glossy over your feelings – it will add to your hurt and not be the salve you would hope for. Take it from someone who has asked the question you want too. Look at it this way, someone who was a decent human being would not have acted that way towards you then….. and they are unlikely to accept it was wrong or misguided now. People with such mindsets very rarely change.

    SilverTabby – My heart goes out to you. Your mother absolutely and irrevocably failed in her aim - because peace can never be found in a place where all are not treated equal and fair. Such a dynamic, a false peace at the benefit of one over the other must have been very hard to grow up in.

    Nikki - I wouldn't ask that of my OH that's not fair or right, he would say yes if I asked but they should assign as much weight to a 'No' from me as that of a 'No' from the 'man of the house' - Though I'm really not fond of beige, just so you know :D
  • happyandcontentedhappyandcontented Forumite
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    Perhaps she needs to go stay with the father if she know who it I, maybe it's her dad...

    Tell them you don't want their little tart anywhere near your hubby.

    That is a quite shocking response imo.
  • ElinoreElinore Forumite
    259 posts
    Happyandcontented - I find great pleasure in not feeding the trolls or choose not to comment on those whose opinion doesn't match my own.

    The email has gone (and just in case anyone was wondering the event was absolutely fantastic!, It was just as I hoped - I was so pleased)
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    Elinore wrote: »
    The email has gone (and just in case anyone was wondering the event was absolutely fantastic!, It was just as I hoped - I was so pleased)

    Good.
    Then don't let any response from any of your family spoil your evening. :)
    Don't answer the phone.
    Don't check your emails.
  • bargainbettybargainbetty Forumite
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    As a member of a family that has Christmases that make Eastenders look tame, I have to ask - what happened??
    Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.... :wall:
    LB moment - March 2006. DFD - 1 June 2012!!! DEBT FREE!
    MFW - Joined May 2012, aiming to cut the mortgage by an extra two months every year. (Overpaid £3000 so far), only 11 years to go.

  • KattykittKattykitt Forumite
    7 posts
    Well.done. let us know how it goes.
  • ElinoreElinore Forumite
    259 posts
    An update – I apologise that it’s been a while but it’s taken me this long to stop bursting in to flames every time I think about it.

    As expected my Aunt did not take the email well. I weathered the storm of nastiness for a little while, rebuffed an attempt to get my dad’s side of the family involved – she was given a short shrift when she called my OH to lament at how rude and short sighted I was being. Met with a resolute no from me in all the forms she contacted me, via my mother, other aunts, chat or FB. I was polite, but firm.

    Then it went quiet – so I thought that she had finally accepted the outcome.

    I was relived.

    I was informed by my Area Leader that she had written to the charity I volunteer for. Basically she felt it was her civic duty to call me out with the charity as I was a hypocrite and they had a right to know. ‘Charity begins at home’ and were they aware of the cold hearted dream stealer they had working for them. I was Red. Mist. Livid. (I have not seen the letter only told of it)

    My Leader was alarmed as her letter was very carefully worded to be factual, vague but emotive and hinted at repercussions - along the lines of ‘I had just accepted a prestigious award and how would it look to the wider public…….’. He had to take advice from HO on if he needed to take some form of action on it. They decided no, but I can tell you now it’s made them nervous. Very nervous.

    I have decided that she is at very least a sociopath or has a personality disorder as the total lack or regard, shame or insight is beyond breath-taking.

    So that where it’s at
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
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    Elinore wrote: »
    An update – I apologise that it’s been a while but it’s taken me this long to stop bursting in to flames every time I think about it.

    As expected my Aunt did not take the email well. I weathered the storm of nastiness for a little while, rebuffed an attempt to get my dad’s side of the family involved – she was given a short shrift when she called my OH to lament at how rude and short sighted I was being. Met with a resolute no from me in all the forms she contacted me, via my mother, other aunts, chat or FB. I was polite, but firm.

    Then it went quiet – so I thought that she had finally accepted the outcome.

    I was relived.

    I was informed by my Area Leader that she had written to the charity I volunteer for. Basically she felt it was her civic duty to call me out with the charity as I was a hypocrite and they had a right to know. ‘Charity begins at home’ and were they aware of the cold hearted dream stealer they had working for them. I was Red. Mist. Livid. (I have not seen the letter only told of it)

    My Leader was alarmed as her letter was very carefully worded to be factual, vague but emotive and hinted at repercussions - along the lines of ‘I had just accepted a prestigious award and how would it look to the wider public…….’. He had to take advice from HO on if he needed to take some form of action on it. They decided no, but I can tell you now it’s made them nervous. Very nervous.

    I have decided that she is at very least a sociopath or has a personality disorder as the total lack or regard, shame or insight is beyond breath-taking.

    So that where it’s at
    OMG! :eek:
    Of all the outcomes, I would never have expected this one.
    Pollycat wrote: »
    Elinore
    I remember your previous threads about various family issues.

    I disagree with your thread title:
    Your Aunt is not 'barking mad'.
    She is a rude, thoughtless, presumptuous person.
    I'll add - she is also a vindictive b i t c h.

    What an unconscionable thing to do.

    I hope your employer gave you opportunity to put your side of things.
    Would they think it reasonable to have an 18 year old wannabe model with child in tow stay in their house for 5 years?

    How has this impacted on the rest of your family?
    I would leave your Mother and everyone else in no doubt whatsoever how this woman's interference in your work life has caused severe issues for you.

    And I would cut this Aunt out of my life without any further ado.
  • ElinoreElinore Forumite
    259 posts

    Hey Pollycat - luckily she doesn’t know where I work but of course attended the charity function that started the whole mess off. (I volunteer in my own time)



    Oh, I’m not talking to that whole side of the family. My mother excluded, though she’s kind of been revelling in the drama and is just as bad if I am entirely honest with myself - but thats a fight for another day.


    Sigh

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