Separated, how much should I provide?

edited 31 August 2016 at 12:26PM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
3.3K replies 590.7K views


  • edited 3 January 2018 at 10:53AM
    JackRSJackRS Forumite
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    edited 3 January 2018 at 10:53AM
    I hope you all had a nice Christmas and the New Year brings you what you wish for/work for.

    I was pleased to receive a hand written thank you note from both my daughter and son for Christmas gifts I sent. I’d not heard from my son since February when he text a thank you for his birthday gift but then he changed his mobile number and hasn’t wanted me to have it (yet). However I can still send things to him at his home address the old fashion way. Maybe one day things will improve but it could take many years.

    Although my daughter is in regular contact with me she’s not ready to come and stay with me as she struggles to accept me living with my new partner. I appreciate this is early days, she has met her on a number of occasions but still gets upset and seeing me in my new home with someone else is too much for her to deal with now. This obviously hurts my partner as she feels that she doesn’t like her but I have reassured her that it’s not her it’s just that she’s not her mum etc, it’s obviously complex…..

    2018 will bring us to the end of the financial settlement with my ex wife with the final maintenance payment on the 1st May, when she is also to return the car I provide through my employers lease car scheme. This is obviously a key milestone to reach and the point at which I can make a clean break. I can imagine she may make it awkward to return the vehicle on time and no doubt my daughter will refer to her mother’s changing financial circumstances and it’s impact on her.

    I’ve paid off the loan I took out with my bank to pay the legal fees, the rest of my debts are in 0% credit cards with payment plans in place to clear them by the end of the term, so apart from mortgage I should be debt free by the end of this year. 4 more maintenance payments to make, the ends in sight!

    Thanks again for all your support and advice in the past. Every situation is unique but I hope some can get hope from my story and see that although there is never total solution or a fully satisfactory outcome there is always a future with some positive points, things to work on, evolve and in some aspects closure……..

  • Ruthy1604Ruthy1604 Forumite
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    Thanks for Updating Jack.

    I've lurked and followed your story from the beginning - I'm so pleased that you are settled and that the end is in sight on the financial ties.

    Positive new on your son too - hopefully things will continue to improve in your relationship with both your children.
    10lb to lose & keep off in 20204.5lb/10lb:rotfl:
  • GigervampGigervamp Forumite
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    Thanks for the update Jack and Happy New Year to you. I'm glad your son sent you a thank you note. I have to ask someone else to see if my daughter has received her birthday gift, she still hasn't contacted me.

    I'm disappointed though that your daughter is still acting like a child regarding your partner. It's not really early days, and she is an adult now. However, at least she does visit you.

    I bet you can't wait until May! As you say, you can properly start your life again when you're no longer tied to your ex wife financially. It will be interesting to see if she hands the car back without a fuss.

    Great news that you're nearly debt free. 2018 is the start of the rest of your life!

    All the best.
  • vandanfcvandanfc Forumite
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    Happy New Year Jack, great to hear from you. Looks like 2018 might be your year then. Here's hoping for more positive steps from your children towards you and your future. Good luck.
  • Icey77Icey77 Forumite
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    Happy New Year Jack and also to Mrs Jack to be :j

    I was a bit of a lurker on your thread but added my odd tuppence worth every so often. I'm so very glad to hear your news that you've met someone and that your planning to get married later this year - how exciting!!!

    Great to hear also that the relationship with your children is improving, albeit slowly. I really hope they realise soon how very lucky they are to have you as their Dad. My Dad was like you, an absolute gentlemen and I still miss him after 10 years.

    Best wishes for 2018 and roll on May when you are truly free and clear!! xx
    Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re probably right ~ Henry Ford
  • beanieloubeanielou Forumite
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    Good to hear from you & that things are as good as they can be.
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  • ampersandampersand Forumite
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    Ditto to all responses above.

    Thankyou, Jack and hope our New Year greetings and appreciation to real life wonder woman, aka worthy Jack RS partner, ring loud and clear to you both.

    Long may you live with your contagious happiness, so long overdue.
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  • AmesAmes Forumite
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    Forgot to reply to your update (I read it on my phone), but I'm glad things are starting to improve with your children, and I hope you have a great life with your new partner.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
  • harz99harz99 Forumite
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    I had forgotten all about this thread. Thank you for the update Jack, and now the end is near, very best wishes to you and your partner for your health and happiness going forward.
  • ButtiButti Forumite
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    Parents who are calm and relaxed always win long term. Kids in a divorce sometimes get mixed messages. If you continue along this path Jack I'm sure they will come to you at some point.
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