Can my sister stop me being buried in our dads grave

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Deaths, Funerals & Probate
8 replies 2K views
hbrennan18hbrennan18 Forumite
6 Posts
edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Deaths, Funerals & Probate
Hi all, My mum has a problem, her dad (my grandad) died in 1987 i think it was. He was cathlic and my mum is too. Since passing off my dad early this year he was buried with his dad but my mum wants to make sure that us kids arent left with a huge bill to pay for her funeral. So my mum went to the cemetry to get the deeds for her dads grave to pass to me who i be handling her stuff when she has gone. The lady there said my mum has to get permission of her other sister to be buried with her dad but my mums sister never went to the funeral or even wanted to put her name on the grave. (my grandma and granddad where divcored when he passed away). So i know my mum really wants to be buried with her dad can her sister who she doesnt speak too stop her putting her wishes in the funeral plan off were my mum wants to be laid to rest...What can my mum do any advice anyone can give please.....Sorry for long post.....


  • dzug1dzug1 Forumite
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    The question is who owns the grave? Sounds like the authorities think it's jointly owned - therefore all the joint owners have to agree on what's to be done.

    So yes this sister could prevent you being buried there.

    The question is why should she want to/care about it since she didn't attend the funeral
  • ShelldeanShelldean Forumite
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    The owner of the grave is the one who gives permission. You need to establish who owns the grave.

    In our case Nan purchased the grave to put grandad in. She purchased it in her son's name. As in theory she'd go first and he as owner could authorize the opening of the grave.
    Son died first. Nan dies several years later and the only person who can permission is the already deceased son.

    The grave technically belonged to the son's wife, his widow. But she didn't want it nor to deal with it. So she had to renounce her rights to it.
    Three children of the deceased son, Nans grandchildren. Only one person Could own the grave. So two children also renounced their rights to the grave by swearing an oath.
    So the ownership was passed to grandchild, the one who was dealing with nans probate. He was then able to authorize the opening of the grave to inter the grandmother with the grandfather.

    So it all boils down to who actually owns the grave as they are the only one who can give permission for it to be opened for a burial
  • G_MG_M Forumite
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    Cremation. It's a much cheaper option and your mum won't know.
  • OH NO... my mum is against begin cremated and it be in her will to be buried. She said she come back and haunt mum and her sister fell out when we were kids and her sister still feels very angry and bitter about what happen to them...My mums mum has passed away but she didnt get buried in the same town and my mums name was excluded from the headstone of her mums. I will ask my mum today to see if the lady at the cemetry said who owns the grave. But if it isnt owned by anyone who is living then can she still get buried if it turns out whoever owned it isnt still alive?.
  • dzug1dzug1 Forumite
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    It would belong to the estate of the person who last owned it. His/her executors would have to give permission

    There are probably provisions for ownership - ultimately - to pass back to the cemetery owners. I doubt if they would readily agree
  • TBagpussTBagpuss Forumite
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    The key issue is who owns the grave plot. If it is currently inyour aunt's name, or held jointly by her and your mum, then ideally your mum would need to talk to her sister to ask her to either tranfer the plot to your mum's name or alternatively to confirm that she will authorise your mum's burial there when the time comes.
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • BobQBobQ Forumite
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    The ownership of the grave rests with whoever purchased the right to be buried there. Unless that person passed the right to another person in their will, it will pass with the residue of that estate (ie what is left).

    Cemetary authorities generally prefer a single person to own the plot but it may be jointly owned if there was no will or the residue was shared with say the owners children.

    The fact that Mum wants to be buried is not binding on those who arrange the funeral. I can see you want to honour her wishes but would she want a family row over it? It is unlikely that both sisters can be buried there as the limit is usually 3 (although ashes can of course be interred in a grave.
    Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are incapable of forming such opinions.
  • well her dad is the only one buried in the plot and it was down to my mum she said to sort funeral out and to get headstone. Her sister and her mum never went to the funeral so i am going with my mum on Monday to see who owns it and i hopefully get it sorted....Thanks for the advice has it gives me some more info just incase the cemetry office says anything.....Her family have fallen out years ago so having a row over is what my mum is expecting....My mum said she was the next of kin for her dads so i just dont know were the cemetry office is saying this without actually giving my mum a copy of who owns the grave.....I thank you again and i keep updated on what they say on monday..
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