Gap in proceedings on Wedding Day

edited 28 July 2015 at 10:16PM in Weddings & Anniversaries
36 replies 5.1K views


  • My boyfriend and I were invited to a wedding with a gap. Not so far to travel as your case, but a good hour and a half's drive. We didn't attend the ceremony and went to reception only - we found the invitation totally rude, expecting us to mill around for 4 hours or so. Would have been less rude to invite us to the evening only. It seemed like they wanted the attention of a big wedding but weren't interested in making sure guests had a good experience. When we get married we probably won't invite them at all!

    I would invite fewer people if you can't cater for everyone at the sit down meal and evening-only is not an option. Just explain that the venue is too small and there isn't budget for more people.
  • FlossFloss Forumite
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    Do the guests know about your daughters health issues? Is her condition perhaps more challenging than you realise and she & her fiance have planned their day to suit them best? And have you actually spoken with them about your concerns?
  • edited 28 July 2015 at 5:34PM
    Ruby_RooRuby_Roo Forumite
    314 Posts
    edited 28 July 2015 at 5:34PM
    I agree with others, it's a terrible idea - but you're facilitating these ludicrous plans by blindly agreeing to hand cash over when it appears they don't give a monkeys about your thoughts and feelings.

    My parents are paying for our reception. That's meant that they wanted a say in where it was (we agreed on venue which was great) and they wanted to invite some people we might not have chosen to invite, though they haven't restrict who or how many we can invite. There's a few people where I've said "can't they just come in the evening" and we've compromised that way. Those were the terms and it was open to us to accept or to decline and pay our own way. Some people would say it's our day, it doesn't matter what my parents want etc. but when they're spending a few grand I don't object to them having a voice.

    You're talking about these plans like they're a runaway train and you have no say - you're paying a lot of money out, it's not right that you have no voice, and the couple need to recognise that and at the very least compromise. If they won't do that, then they need to start writing their own cheques.
  • pickledonionspaceraiderpickledonionspaceraider Forumite
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    Inkie have you asked your daughter how she would feel if she would accept an invitation to a similar wedding, if it were a friend of hers?

    She does need to realise that this kind of plan is highly likely going to cause quite a few people to decline - I know I would
    With love, POSR <3
  • burnoutbabeburnoutbabe Forumite
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    I imagine most people would decline and think it a very rude idea, to have to hang around, all dressed up, having to pay to entertain themselves in a strange town (so really, go to a pub?).

    Invite people to evening only is about the best you could do.
  • TonyMMMTonyMMM Forumite
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    Had a similar invite some years ago - to the church wedding then a big gap of about 5 hours to the evening party.

    We (and many others) went to the wedding itself, but didn't wait around afterwards and went home.
  • burnoutbabeburnoutbabe Forumite
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    I don't get how wanting to only feed a few people equates to needing to sit down?

    Surely any meal would be seated and would provide a break for bride/groom when seated and eating. I also would not mind one bit if the bride went off for a nap whilst we were sat eating and mingling. (often brides go off for a refresh during the event anyway)
  • BarryBlueBarryBlue Forumite
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    TonyMMM wrote: »
    Had a similar invite some years ago - to the church wedding then a big gap of about 5 hours to the evening party.

    We (and many others) went to the wedding itself, but didn't wait around afterwards and went home.

    I think it is totally unreasonable and quite poor manners to expect people to clear off and entertain themselves between various bits of the day because they didn't make the 'A' list.

    If the event wasn't far to travel we would skip the ceremony and just go to the evening event. If it was a considerable distance away, we would simply invent a prior engagement and decline the invitation.
    :dance:We're gonna be alright, dancin' on a Saturday night:dance:
  • arbrightonarbrighton Forumite
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    Ninth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    We have been invited to just the evening bit but not ceremony and family dinner before, all the bits and for our wedding, everyone was invited to ceremony then reception but due to my slightly poor planning, there was a bit of a gap between the ceremony (I wasn't expecting to be married by 15 min after the start time!) and the transport to the reception. Many of us had a quick drink before moving on though.

    Some friends are having a similar arrangement in oct- any and all invited to the legal bit (but it's optional!), family lunch then evening reception. But that's in Oxford, there's loads to do and it's quite a laid back affair. Husband and I will probably go back to some of our old haunts and have lunch together before heading down to the reception. We will probably be staying somewhere for two nights, but that's our choice, it certainly would not be expected (we're about 3 hours away from Oxford)
  • KynthiaKynthia Forumite
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    Inviting people to an evening reception and saying that they're very welcome to attend the ceremony too is more honest. I know feeding all your guests is incredibly expensive but it's what you do when you invite people to an event.

    Hopefully the couple will change their mind once then think about it a bit more and discuss the idea with a few others.
    Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!
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